AIBU THAT I said it and got nothing

[Lilmis]

So I posted earlier asking if I should mention anything about being invited to my cousins dinner where she invited a individual who has harassed me last year in many different way, from physically hurting me in pregnancy to calling the cops on me, s.s and try to socially exclude me from everywhere. I didn't even know they were mates.

I do remember telling my cousin what happened but mayb she didn't pay attention or just didn't occur to her about the past and just went along and invited this person. I txt my cousin telling her she should have given me a heads up as it was a shock to see this individual there. No reply. I'm really flabbergasted about the whole situation now.

I try not to act hurt it and appear cheerful and happy but I'm really hurt that this vile person is being allowed to mingle in my family and in the one place where i was free of them and i have to put up with it. On the other hand I feel like I've basically just said in the txt that u shouldn't have sent the invite(would that be So Wrong?!?) and I feel bad about that. I want to say doesn't matter if u invited the vile individuals whole clan, u don't invite the person who was doing their utmost best to ruin my life. Im family, they r not!

ARGH!

Don't go. When asked why you didn't / aren't, give them an honest and thoughtfully written explanation.

Proofread it first.

Don't go and if asked don't respond.

texts dont always get through. Did you ask a question that invited a response? I really think that its the kind of issue that needs a discussion in person. I dont think yabu to expect to be put above this person by your family, but I dont think you have gone about resolving it in a particularly constructive way.

Are you close to your cousin? Definitely don't go if this person does, it will cause too much stress

I did go to the dinner but only found out when I saw the person there that I realised they were invited. I didn't even know they were friends to begin with so to see them was much of a shock.

Im close to my cousin which is y I told them what had happened but I didn't expect this which is y I'm Annoyed. I felt disrespect and a sort of slap on my face from the unwanted guest. Felt like they won the battle n I was left looking stupid.

I will speak up if it comes up on Wednesday evening. We have the whole family coming for dinner.

The problem is that we don't and shouldn't have any 'say' over who someone else decides to be friends with or invite over. All we can do is decline the invitation and explain why.

I think it's probably pretty plain that this person has convinced your cousin that you are either lying or exaggerating. Or that your cousin has a romantic interest in this person and so is blinded to what he/she really is.

TBH, I wouldn't confront this cousin in front of the whole family. But I would have a frank verbal conversation (not by text) with them beforehand and let them know how disappointed you were that you weren't at least given a 'heads up' that the other person had been invited. And if they can't understand your feelings, then this cousin would not be invited into my home, family or not.

beforehand meaning before Wednesday so you can 'disinvite' them from your dinner if need be.

Across is spot on.

Ladies if I told u what the person did to me, you would wonder y this person was invited in the 1st place by a member of my family.

Seriously a curtsey call would have been nice coz it's not my dinner that I'm making the guest list or I get a say in who can or can't come or go. All I'd say is like thanks for the call n letting me know.

Without knowing the particulars (and not asking them) of the relationship between you and 'X', and cousin and 'X', it's hard to tell why your cousin would do this. If, for example, 'X' is a family member and the rest of the family don't know what happened to you, I can see where cousin might have yielded to family pressure to invite him rather than tell everyone your secret. But again, it's quite possible that your cousin simply doesn't believe you because 'X' has convinced them that you are lying.

Yes, your cousin certainly should have told you that 'X' was also invited.

No matter what the person did (and I'm not excusing it at all) you do still need to realize that you don't have the right to say "You may not invite 'X' to your home if I am going to be there". It may be true that no reasonable person would remain friends with 'X' after what they did, but there are a lot of people around who aren't reasonable. If you still wish to have a relationship with your cousin, you need to be sure she understand that she must tell you ahead of time that she's also invited 'X'.

X didn't say anything to my cousin about what happened as far as I know. And x and my cousin r both girls.

I know I don't have a say as to who is invited and the fact that x was invited is their decision entirely and I was it expecting to be consulted. I'm just annoyed at the fact that my cousin didn't inform me x was invited. It's curtsey. When x was invited to my dinner many many years ago and I had people there(4 families) who x had upset in one way or another and I knew the situation, I was courteous enough to drop them a call.

I guess I'm just old fashioned and keep others feeling in mind where as now a days people dont care.