How to stop DF buying DS so much stuff!

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

I realise fully that DS is in a very lucky position to have a GF that adores him and spoils him rotten, but the STUFF has got to stop!

Every birthday and Christmas my DF and his partner buy my son so many toys that you could fill a couple of bin bags, things like car transporters (he has four of those), giant flashy VTech trucks and cars that he ignores, scooters (they’ve bought him two!), enormous stuffed toys etc etc etc.

DS is only three and they make us unwrap all this stuff in front of him, honestly it takes ages and he gets bored and wanders off before we’re done.

Then we’re left with masses of toys that DS has zero interest in (he doesn’t like cars, or trucks, or planes) and 6 months later we get it ALL OVER AGAIN!

I have tried saying things like ‘Oh you really shouldn’t spend so much!’ and this Christmas I tried to be a bit firmer by suggesting they maybe just get him one or two small things and make a contribution towards a trampoline that we want to get him in the spring. He still got three giant gift bags of plastic toys.

We’re having another child soon and I’m terrified that the amount of gifts will double, and by 2020 we’ll have to be dug out from under a pile of unwanted tractors!

I have taken some steps to try and combat the STUFF. I’ve donated things to charity. I’ve sold some of the duplicates on local Facebook pages and used the money to take DS on outings etc. But what would be really great is for the STUFF to just decrease by about 3/4.

AIBU to try and discuss this with DF? His partner’s family have a bit of a quantity over quality approach to gifts - but they have more space!

Oh I hear this! My PIL asked what they should get my DS (15 months) for Christmas. I knew roughly what kind of budget they have and know full well that they are quantity over quality kind of people so I asked for a little swing set for the garden for DS to use when the weather improved. They seemed to think it was a good idea and even pointed some nice ones out in a shop. But then Christmas came and it was just obscene amounts of plastic toys. DS probably had around 30-40 presents to open and ended up being totally overwhelmed and had melt down after meltdown. The only thing that stopped it was on boxing Day when I took 90% of his new toys to the spare room and bought down some of his old ones.

I know I seem so ungrateful but I just got so mad about it because it was all just so unnecessary and ruined his Christmas really. Still, I've learnt my lesson and if he gets similar amounts of presents next year will just put a selection under the tree for him to open and then periodically bring others down during the day or week after Christmas.

I don't think I'm brave enough to discuss it with them but we don't spend Christmas day with them so they won't know if DS only opens a few gifts on Christmas day.

It’s getting to the stage with us where gifts are going unopened for 3 months or more. I think I really have to say something.

DS has additional needs (and is being assessed for ASD) so he only really loves and plays with a small amount of toys, mostly little things he’s picked out himself like a rainbow tambourine, or coloured pens.

No advice but sympathy as my PIL are the same. Every time we see them (once a month or so), DS who is not even 2 yet gets a HUGE bag of plastic tat and crap books from Aldi.

I feel really ungrateful but I have tried to tell them and they buy it anyway, so most of it just goes to the charity shop. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom house with hardly any storage room. We don't have the space!!!

We’re moving, from a decent sized 2 bed to a tiny 4 bed. Today I made a mountain of things that we just can’t take with us, nearly all of it was from DF and partner. Three fire trucks, four car transporters, three giant plastic aeroplanes, numerous cars and things that flash and make noises and have never been played with, five Thomas the Tank Engine toys - he doesn’t watch Thomas (and yes, I have told DF this).

I feel ashamed of it all tbh.

It's a nightmare isn't it. My PILs are the same. They buy DD so many toys that they don't all fit in her room any more. I've tried to get some of the toys etc to be left at PILs house for when DD visits but there's no space because they are dreadful hoarders & can't stop spending.
However this Christmas DD got money (from my family) & says that was her favourite thing, as she could choose her own clothes, toys, books etc. We had a lovely day shopping (first time ever). She's going to say she wants money for presents in future - not because she's mercenary but because PILs have already bought her everything & she's a bit jaded by so many toys. And she had a nice day choosing her own things - mostly clothes & books.

Tell them you dont have room and ds doesn’t actually like new toys, so please would they only buy one gift.
If they carry on, they’re demonstrating that they’re buying for their own pleasure and not his. Which means you needn’t worry about hurting their feelings too much as they’re not considering yours or their grandson’s.
And then announce that from now on presents will be opened at their house (by them, if ds doesn’t want to do it) and ds will choose which (if any) to take home. The rest can be stored at grandad’s house to be played with on visits.

Ooooh that’s very assertive jellybabies, I don’t know how they’d take that. They genuinely believe that buying children tonnes of plastic vehicles/toys is the thing you do on birthdays/at Christmas. They mean well, they just don’t know any different!

Some of the gifts are just so weird, a fire engine that is also a tool box. WTF?!

Oh god, if I have a girl next I’m going to die under a mountain of pink plastic, aren’t I?

Just say 'how about a yearly membership to' and give the name of a leisure centre/open farm/soft play location.
It will get your ds out, if you choose wisely then gps can take him while you lie down with baby 2 and the mountains of plastic will decrease.

DF and his partner live about 120 miles away, so no chance of them taking DS out regularly.

I would LOVE the bank account thing for DS, I just don’t know how to ask without sounding ungrateful and grabby.

My kids are 8 and 5, and I have spent years having this battle with the in-laws. I've cried every Christmas eve as DH has brought in bag after bag of stuff that they've squirreled into the house. I've asked DH to ask them to tone it down every year, his subtle hints have gone unnoticed.

Last year, I read the Marie Kondo book and went a bit bananas clearing the house out. I then started getting anxious about Christmas and one day when they were visiting I just snapped and told them straight that we had no room for anything more than a couple of presents. That every cupboard and drawer was packed full, despite the carloads of stuff I'd taken to charity. The children hadn't even asked for anything for Christmas because they have so much bloody stuff. I begged them to please only give a couple of presents each, or do like my parents were doing, and get something like a magazine subscription. And it actually worked!

Be brave, be honest, don't beat around the bush. I wish I'd done it years ago!

I think you just have to be direct. Can you do an amazon wishlist and ask everyone to stick to it. Include practical stuff, tickets out etc?
And you dont have to open it all there and then. Say no. Does DS like unwrapping them at his own pace? Then that's what will happen. Or else you will open a couple and see if he wants to play with it

You’re right, I have to be direct. It’s finding the right time to be direct though. Argh I dunno!

I think that for some people it's pathological.

At one point my DM was sending DD one gift a week. She came to visit us and brought so many gifts 2yo DD burst into tears. We had move near DM for four months and she bought DD close to 400 presents - toys, clothes, furniture. Some things she bought twice, e.g. two tables with four chairs each.

I had to put a stop to it. She now gets a wish list and she can pick 2-3 items for Christmas and the same for birthdays.

We should swap! My DD loves trains and planes and cars. Meanwhile you could get my DF to stop feeding your DS biscuits the size of his face (despite the fact that you were never allowed them as a child).... good luck with that!

Seriously though, I think just being direct is the best thing. If they feel psychologically that they need to spoil him, let them put cash in an ISA that he will appreciate one day?

Would your dad buy national savings bonds instead for your ds instead? You could say that it would come in handy for house deposits when older or any additional equipment he may need to support his condition later in life.