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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed DP read my MN thread about him?

54 replies

Donotreadthisdp · 15/01/2018 09:38

Or am I overreacting?

Relatively new relationship, 6 months. I sometimes use MN in front of him and he'll usually read over my shoulder which is fine. Couple weeks ago he asked if I post on here, I say yes, then he asks if I've ever posted about him, I tell him yes I had posted a few weeks before that about an issue I've discussed with him and we had already sorted out. Fine. I ask him if he has a problem with that, he says no not at all, he understands and I've spoken to him about it so it's fine. I then put my self in his shoes and think if he had posted something about me on an online forum I would want to read it because I'm a nosey feck. So I ask him if he's going to go and look for it, he replies not if I don't want him to but he's curious. I say it's embarrassing, I'd really rather you didn't look for it but if you really want to know I'll show it to you right now. He then promises he won't look for it. Fine I think. Yesterday I asked him if he searched for it (in a jokey way, not expecting him to say yes) he says yes he had and had found and read it, he thought I was mad at him a few days a go so has looked for it to see if there was anything he could do to work on (I was not mad at him at all) he said sorry and that he'd never do it again. I frequently name change so he only found the one post and that was through scrolling back for ages and reading different threads until he recognised the situation. I'm really quite annoyed but I'm not sure if I'm being overdramatic or not?

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 15/01/2018 10:14

YABVU to be annoyed.

PoorYorick · 15/01/2018 10:15

I know it's not right to read people's diaries, but if someone said to me, "My diary is over there, I've been writing about you, so don't read it", I would think that they WANTED me to read it for some reason. It's the only reason I'd do something so odd. And I would read it.

If you really didn't want him to read it, it would be perfectly acceptable just to lie about it. You've told him it's there and now you've started another thread about it, with a provocative username that's guaranteed to get him on it.

The real question is, why do you want to communicate with him via MN threads?

DearShirt · 15/01/2018 10:17

Tricky one.

One the one hand MN is public and you should reasonably expect that anyone is going to read what you post.

On the other hand I had a very nasty divorce a few years about which I posted a lot on here. Unbeknowst to me my ex knew my login and was reading everything. It caused a lot of heartache and I felt really violated.

I would never post anything personal now as I learned the hard way.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 15/01/2018 10:18

Yabu. So much it is hilarious :)

illustrious · 15/01/2018 10:24

YABU - it's a public forum, that's what happens. Wouldn't you do the same??? You can't talk about him to a load of strangers and then get annoyed if he's curious about what you've said about him. If you want something to stay private then talk about it in private, not on the internet.

ExConstance · 15/01/2018 10:25

The only times I've posted about DH I have told him about it as it was in a light hearted way about whether he should have invited me to go on a long distance walk with him. He was amused by the responses and agreed that he should have invited me even though he knew I wouldn't want to go.

Posting about personal relationships is another thing. I would consider my marriage pretty much over if DH did this and I think he would feel the same.

MistressDeeCee · 15/01/2018 10:37

You wanted it to be an issue so you let him read threads over your shoulder then told him you'd posted about him then had the whole conversation over whether he would search for it, or not.

I'd 100% look if I knew my partner had posted about me...iif he asked me directly if I was going to read it maybe I'd say no, however. Anyway if he had said yes, what would you have done? Deleted it? You could have deleted it anyway if you didn't want him to read it

YABU in both inviting and creating unecessary drama. Going back to him and being annoyed is going to cause even more drama isn't it? If thats your thing then fine, if its not then leave it. He's not done anything wrong.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 15/01/2018 10:40

What silvousplait said.

Justmyownself · 15/01/2018 10:42

The fires rule of Mumsnet is

DO NOT TALK ABOUT MUMSNET.

The second rule of Mumsnet is . . .

Snowysky20009 · 15/01/2018 10:42

If it was me I would have looked. But why tell him?!

TheVanguardSix · 15/01/2018 10:42

Well, time to name change again, OP.

It's no big deal. I wouldn't sweat it. Come on, we'd all have a read if the shoe were on the other foot. To be honest, I couldn't be asked to look for a thread about me. I really couldn't. But then, I already know what DH would moan about on a forum because he says it all directly to me.

Snowysky20009 · 15/01/2018 10:43

Second rule is:

Don't talk about Mumsnet!

flowery · 15/01/2018 10:44

You posted about your private life and about your DP on a public forum read by thousands of people, told him you'd done so, and are now annoyed he read it?!

LittleMissNaice · 15/01/2018 10:44

I wonder how long it’ll take him to find this one?

ColourfulOrangex · 15/01/2018 10:50

Intrigued to find the other post now

I wouldn't be annoyed with him, possibly shouldn't of told him if you didn't want him to read it

MsHomeSlice · 15/01/2018 10:51

you sound a bit hard work tbh OP

all this I wrote about you/do you want to know/shall I show you/will you look/have you looked/don't look, I am shy

and now moaning cos he did look...for goodness sake.

wagil · 15/01/2018 11:03

YABU, it's not even about me, yet I would like to have a nosy now.

mailTo · 15/01/2018 12:08

@allthgoodusernamesaretaken

"MN would be a very dull place if people stopped posting about their private lives."

Jeremy Kyle would be dull if guests stopped appearing. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy watching it in the morning's (I'm employed, it's recorded) but it doesn't mean I'd be happy to be on it either.

ExConstance · 15/01/2018 16:55

And another reason not to post this sort of stuff is that there is a chance it will get in the Daily Mail

paxillin · 15/01/2018 17:00

I would look if you told me you've written about me and I don't even know you! Can't imagine anyone who wouldn't.

RebelRogue · 15/01/2018 18:13

You admitted yourself you'd look. Nit just that but you offered to show him. You're just pissy he did it on his own,rather than your own terms.
YABU

Misericord · 15/01/2018 18:15

YABVU

Lweji · 15/01/2018 18:17

He was silly to tell you he had looked and you to tell him you had posted.
Deny, deny, deny, and all will be as before.

Bendyandtheinkmachine · 15/01/2018 18:26

OP just remember, what happens on Mumsnet stays on Mumsnet!

honeyroar · 15/01/2018 18:33

YABU. You do realise that he's going to keep looking now. He will read this too. It's public - once it's out there it's out there. It may be time for a name change.

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