Why?

[ValMc1]

Why am I still in this relationship? I'm 60 and have been married twice. I was married to my first husband for 20 years and with my second for 16 (married for 8). The Second cost me a six figure sum coz 'he wanted to find himself '. Met my current partner online after 4 weeks but I don't like him - he is a lovely man but he is rascist (which I just don't get) and swears consistently (I hate). He has been really good in doing up my new house which was the only one I could afford after no2 ex but we actually have bugger all in common - I have tried to break up with him a few times but there has always been a holiday coming up so he has said to wait and see. I don't want to hate him as he is a good person - just not for me - my kids and grandkids except him but I think they know - how to say goodbye to him?

Just break up and stay broken up

A break up isn't a negotiation

Stop booking holidays with him and then break up?

You are the only person responsible for your situation, break up with him, the end.

Stop booking holidays then - simples

You don't get his racism but hate his swearing

Other way round, surely?

Leave him, you don't like him, you don't want to be with him. Is it your house? Not his too? If so even easier. Don't compromise with "wait and see". Kick him out. There's no young children to worry about. Are you worried about being alone? There's always other people, and if not, you have your kids and grandkids. You are not obliged to negotiate with this man. Break up, and divorce him. This is your decision and yours alone. Best of luck!

ooh, I actually misread - thought you were married to this guy. Even better! Bye bye! No baggage. Is he living with you?

"he is a lovely man but he is rascist"

He can't be lovely if he's racist can he?

You're 60. You know how to say goodbye. Tell him it's over and walk away. No hesitation, no "let's see" bullshit, no further communication. Just end it already.

Um racists aren’t good people or ‘lovely.’

It’s not for him to say wait and see if you’ve told him you want to split up. Are you scared of him? I couldn’t be with a racist. You have every right to end the relationship for any reason you choose.

Err a lovely racist? It's not really that hard to break up with someone (abusive or manipulative behaviour excluded). Stop moaning about it and just do it! I'm being harsh to give you a kick up the bum. He's a racist so quite obviously not someone anyone should be dating.

Glad you got your house fixed up. Definitely time to dump him now ...

He might have been obliging enough to help you with DIY but you surely don't want to continue a relationship with a racist.

Stop booking holidays

If it would be fair, and if he has added value to your home with his work, I'd split that sum. Unless you paid for all the holidays.

You - This isnt working for me, I have decided that I dont want to see you anymore

Him - Well lets see how it goes on holidays/after Xmas/your birthday

You - No, I dont want to do that, I have decided to end our relationship

Him - But you/I/we could.....

You - No, I dont want to

Him - But why?

You - I dont want to.

Stick with "I dont want to" because it is a very difficult phrase to argue with. Giving him reasons, such as his racism or swearing will simply give him something to argue back with, that he will stop swearing etc.

Same with "I have decided...". You are making this decision because that is your right. You dont need his agreement. If you say "I think we should break up" you are asking his opinion and consent (or that is how he will see it) and give him the chance to tell you why you are wrong and how he doesnt accept it.