To expect ex to wash uniform

[Crazycatladyx5]

Bit of history...
Ex moved out 20 months ago to live with the other woman. After a couple of months he introduced DD to OW, despite all advice saying wait longer. DD had a lot of upheaval as he had done all school runs, & I had no choice but to move her to my school. For 1st year he collected DD from school 2 nights for tea & she stayed at his every other Sat...after she had met OW. Last Sept he was pissed off at me (coincidentally my relationship with new fella was going very well)so he cut down to collecting DD just 1 week night from school...dropping the night I had a meeting & went to Slimming World...(at that point I'd lost 7 stone in 7 months at SW ...have now lost 10 but had to change nights after He dropped Thursdays as had no childcare)He used to work Fri nights but recently stopped so he only works 1 night a week. He started collecting DD after drama on a Fri....I'd have dropped her at drama & changed her out of school uniform before she went. However this term she has given up drama so he's picking her straight up from school... got her back tonight with dirty uniform plus packed lunch stuff & water bottle all still dirty from Friday. When I've messaged him saying he should have cleaned stuff, (& done homework), as I work full time & only iron on a Sun night & don't have time to iron again through week he's decided I mustn't have time to give DD the time she needs so she should live with him. This would mean her moving school again!
Friends say they get uniform back washed & ironed. My grown up daughters ex returns my grandkids on a Sun night bathed & with clothes washed & ironed!
Told my ex we might need to rethink Fri nights....he says if I don't let her go on a Fri night he will stop collecting her on a Tuesday! Have told him collecting DD from school is about them seeing each other & nothing else. (I once asked him to have DD on a training day & was told he's not my babysitter so I can go to work!)
Am I expecting too much wanting clean stuff back & some homework done?
(Sorry for such long post.)

Well - clearly he’s not actually going to be having her full time if he’s happy to chop & change contact time. So that’s an idle threat because you called him out on being lazy.

And you’re in no way unreasonable that he should wash lunchboxes and uniform if she’s there Fri-Sun.

But will he just keep not bothering to prove a point? So is it better to be practical about solutions that work for you e.g. school dinners on a Friday, extra set of uniform etc?

No you are not expecting too much.

Interesting how he threatens to have her full time and in the next breath not to have her as often.

If he can't be arsed to wash her water bottle he sure as hell doesn't want her all the time.

maybe don't try and justify to him why he you can't do the washing on a Sunday. Any parent would wash the packed lunch box, I would have just said it's disgusting that he didn't clean the lunchbox or water bottle out for 2 days.

It seems like he will use whatever he thinks will piss you off most, be that 'going for custody' or not collecting her. Sadly this is about you not your dd. Grey rock - tell him nothing about your life, he is not your friend.

When he acts like that, doesn't that make you realise why he's an ex lol and congrats with your weight loss. Well done

Did he pull his weight around the house when you were together? if you cleaned up after him when you were together it must be nice to know his new partner doesn't bother! So a wry smile next time, he probably turns his pants back to front to get an extra couple of days wear!

then inside out, and back to front again...

perhaps you should change his collection time and place for after dc has changed out of uniform and lunchbox is back at yours.......makes sense if he wants to be an arse about it

My parents pick up dd on a Wednesday. Mum always washes the lunch boxes for me. Haven't had to ask.
If he wants to be a parent he can't cherry pick the good bits and ignore the rest. How would he manage full time parent if he did that.

He clearly doesn't give a shit about his DD. He's more intent on wishing you a crappy life for some reason, even if it impacts his daughter. Total arse.

You're going to have to work out your schedule as if you're a single parent; any time he covers will have to be viewed as a 'babysitting bonus'.

I feel sorry for your daughter to have such a shitty dad. She will recognize him for what he is eventually. :(

Good advice.
Thank you. Made me smile too.
I know it's more about me it him still trying to have control....just been away with my bf for weekend ...on Thurs ex texted to say he might be coming down with bug so would impact on whether he had DD for weekend.. .he actually has partner & family around to help if he's ill, if I'm ill I have to get out of bed & drive DD to school!
No he did very little when we were together...he was meant to cos he only did 2 sleepover shifts a week & apart from school runs played on pc all day, didn't even entertain DD till I got in. If came, in after teaching EYFS all day & with work to do most nights, & I'd be the worst wife ever if I asked why he hasn't hoveted or walked the dog! Guess I stayed so long as my first marriage failed & I wanted 2nd one to work. We went to Relate for 8 months....I thought we were going to try but he was having an online affair within weeks! Apparently I was "married to my job". I gave up my management role when DD was 2 so I could spend more time with my family.. .he probs didn't notice though as he was glued to his pc or a football mstch!
Yep.. .I'm now very glad he's an Ex!

YANBU

If he refuses to wash uniform, can you afford to buy a spare set to have ready (the weekend before it is needed) and you can wash the used ones 'at your leisure' during the following week? You shouldn't have to, but it will give him less ammunition to have a go at you with.

With regards to water bottle and packed lunch stuff, you might have to scald them with boiling water to work around that. Or maybe sterilize them?

Homework, not sure how to help there. If it is due after Monday you might have to just get her to do it on one of your nights. If due on Monday you might want to have a word with school and arrange to hand it in a couple of days later every week.

Whatever you sort, I would recommend you keep contact between you and ex to the bare minimum, don't offer him anything he can use against you.

First of all congratulations on losing 10 stone! That can’t have been easy!

Don’t let him know that it bothers you, he’s probably only doing it to get a reaction. Just keep on enjoying your new life, your right that he should have washed it but maybe he’s looking for an excuse to have your daughter less so don’t give him one.