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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be sick of arguing with ds about his teeth?

19 replies

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 15:41

Not really an aibu but I am beyond knowing how to deal with this situation. My ds has a problem with his front big tooth as in it won't come down as there's not enough space. We have been backwards and forwards to the dentist and dental hospital and he is petrified. He has been given a brace to put in (one of those ones with the plastic roof of mouth bits attached) and he hates it. It's like torture trying to get him to do it and even threatening taking things away from him doesn't work. He'd rather go without. My problem is I feel bad telling him off as I know he's scared but he still needs to do it. The original dentist didn't help as his baby tooth hasn't came out as the big one wasn't pushing it out so they had to pull it out. He cried in the dentist and we had to go to the children's dental hospital in the end. However, the original dentist said she was disappointed in him as we left and I was furious but took aback so didn't say anything at the time. I'm thinking of complaining though. Even at the dental hospital he cried his eyes out. He's passed out twice after he's been there so I know he's not just putting it on to get out of going. I'm totally at a loss and hate seeing him so upset. The last time we went the dentist was quite abrupt and said he needed to use it and I know this but I can't physically force it in his mouth! I'm so gutted seeing him get so upset

OP posts:

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 15:42

hadnt came out

OP posts:

Christmascardqueen · 14/01/2018 15:45

How old is your ds?

namechange2222 · 14/01/2018 15:47

Would getting an apt with a special needs dentist help? My DD had to have years of oral surgery and developed a bit of an aversion to dentists ( understandably) She was referred to a specialist dentist who was amazing! He chose to work with children and adults with learning difficulties etc. Not sure of you have anyone like that in your area

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 15:51

He's 10 in March, he's literally crying his eyes out just trying to put the brace in. It's so upsetting seeing him get worked up and then I get wound up with the dentists as they don't seem to appreciate how scared he is! He's going to the children's dental hospital but even they don't seem to get it! He's saying things like 'I hate being me' etc and I know it's cos he's wound up but he's also having trouble at school so I don't want to add more stress on him.

OP posts:

Eppia · 14/01/2018 15:55

Sounds awful - poor boy. When I was young I needed braces. I was started off on the type of brace you mention, and just couldn’t bear the feel of it. It made me feel constantly sick.
In the end, I was able to go straight to ‘train track’ braces and they worked perfectly well. My teeth are now straight.

Is that definitely not an option for your DS? I realise money may be a big issue, even if the dentist says it’s possible.

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 15:57

Eppia, are train track braces the ones where they are glued to your teeth? I'm starting to think that might be the way to go, I'd happily pay to be honest. Anything to stop this.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/01/2018 16:17

The retainer/plates are horrible. It might also be not quite right and if it’s not, it might be making him gag.

It might be quite traumatic getting ‘train tracks’ out in, but once they’re in, they’re in - bar tension adjustments.

However, is there a need for this to happen now? Could you not wait a year or two?

DoinItForTheKids · 14/01/2018 16:18

Possibly irrelevant or maybe not, but my XH at the dentist just gags the entire time. He can't help it. If you can't bear the feel of it, you can't bear the feel of it. If it's going to make you gag and retch then how are you meant to keep it in?!? If there's no reason why the train track type of brace couldn't be used (in the knowledge that the roof of the mouth one isn't going to be used!!) maybe they would go straight to the other type. I hope so. Your poor lad, I do hope you can get something sorted out. I'd just totally back off from the trying to get him to use the roof of the mouth one. Tell him you support him in not using it BUT he has to work with you to find a different type of brace that's easier for him to use, because he still has to address the problem whether he likes it or not, but you understand he can't get on with this one.

speakout · 14/01/2018 16:21

OP how urgent is this? I would talk to your orthodontist and ask about the timescale and how things may develop if left for a while.

Ten is very young for orthodontic treatment. My DD was recommended for orthodontic work at 13 and was not keen at all. The was othodontist was relaxed and said we had several years to decide. He is of the opinion that orthodontic work can be done at any time.
At 15 my DD decided she was ready- still had to have a baby tooth out and a couple of extractions of healthy adult teeth as she was overcrowded.
She had train tracks for 18 months and her teeth are now perfect- straight and even, but she coped much better with braces at a later age.

I would ask questions at this point. How crucial is the timing, what will happen if you wait etc.
Your son may better in a couple of years, or even from a 6 month break where teeth are not even discussed.

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 16:24

Thanks for the replies. I've just had a chat with him and I think he's worried aswell that people will pick on him. He lisps when he has the retainer in which must be to do with the plate. I'm thinking at least with a train track brace it shouldn't affect his speech as much. We've held back about 4-6wks cos his tooth was wobbly next to where the retainer clipped on so wouldn't entertain it at all.....he passes out sometimes when his teeth fall out. At the least he usually has to lie down for a bit. We're due back at the hospital next week and I know they're not going to be happy but I feel like I need to defend my ds! I think I'll ring them before I go through as I don't like going on about how scared he is in front of my ds incase it makes him worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 16:25

Main issue is his big front tooth isn't coming down at all so until this is sorted he has a gap in the front where his tooth should be.

OP posts:

speakout · 14/01/2018 16:37

OP , you have my sympathies.

But looking at this whole scenario it's your sons's emotional welfare that is the priority at the moment and not his teeth.

In your situation I would actually put everything on hold for 6 months or so and have an emotional recovery.
Your son sounds really sad and upset,
Our teeth don't define us and I am sure everything can be fixed at some point.
I feel that pressing ahead when your son is feeling so fragile is not the best course.
Give him and you some breathing space.

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 16:44

Thanks speakout I totally agree. I'm worried about what affect this is having on him mentally. Being told 'he needs to wear it' with no understanding of how scared he is and also him being told off the first dentist she was 'disappointed' in him have made things worse than they could have been I feel. I've told him the dentist saying she was disappointed was completely out of order and that she was probably more disappointed in herself but that ultimately she shouldn't have said that to him.
He had to have loads of blood tests as a 3/4yr old as he had glandular fever and they have to keep checking it was out of his system. They messed up one time cos they were in a hurry and he ended up passing out which was the first time he did and I think it all stems from that.
My poor boy, he's so sensitive and I hate seeing him so sad. I'm phoning the hospital tomorrow and our dentist, plus I'm going into the school to see about a boy that's picking on him. I tell you what, giving birth is a piece of cake compared to everything else that comes with having children!

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speakout · 14/01/2018 16:53

Icantstopeatinglol totally agree.

My son has had health issues too and very sensitive. Also has been bullied at school.

It's hard being a mother, but I am totally of the view that we have to be allies of our children.

When my son was being bullied I demanded that the head sorted things out. I phoned and booked a face to face appointment. It worked better than I hoped and the bullying was stopped and dealt with severely.

I am really feeling empathy for you antstopeatinglol you sound like a wonderful mother. X

Original poster

Icantstopeatinglol · 14/01/2018 16:59

speakout you've got me in tears! I just hate that kids can be so cruel. I just sorted out last term another boy that had been picking on him and they're now friends so I'm hoping this gets sorted as swiftly. I'm not having him going to school each day having to put up with kids being so nasty.
Thank you, I wouldn't change my boy one bit which I'm sure you'd agree with. I just wish others weren't so cruel.

OP posts:

Caenea · 14/01/2018 17:00

Thing is, even though he does have to wear it - because in the long run, it will be better - forcing the issue isn't going to do anything but give him a serious phobia of the dentist and that can lead to far, far worse problems with rotting teeth/infections/pain because of that phobia.

Phobias of the dentist is one of the most common in the UK and it baffles me how many dentists seem to completely dismiss it. I'd try changing dentists again. Find one with reviews, ideally doing keyword searches for "phobias" and "fears" because then you'll have some idea of how they handle it.

My sister was like this and ultimately they ended up putting her train tracks in under a GA. I think my mother had to pay for it though (private care)

speakout · 14/01/2018 17:06

Icantstopeatinglol Your posts just touched so much recognition in my experience. And I can sense that you are a loving wonderful mother. But sometimes that means we have to stand up, demand. question and defend.
Your son sounds beautiful.
Defend him to the hilt. Make yourself unpopular on his behalf.
He is precious. Be a tiger.

sashh · 14/01/2018 17:09

Another option might be invisalign, they are just starting to do them for children.

Eppia · 14/01/2018 17:40

Yes, sorry, I meant the braces that are stuck to your teeth.
I agree with finding a new dentist.
If it’s any help, my own DS had a phobia of water and had a similar experience with a horrible swimming teacher, who told him crossly (when he was weeping, not yet 5, at the edge of the pool, refusing to get in the water) that he was just being silly and that her 3 year old granddaughter could swim so why wouldn’t he?
It took several different 1-1 teachers to find someone who was right for him. He has now overcome his fear with a lot of support, kindness and, I admit, bribery. Immediate (and decently ‘big’) rewards for every lesson in which he’d genuinely tried.

Don’t despair. Start by getting some advice from a different dentist.

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