To have such an aversion to formula?

[whalewhatsallthisthen]

I know I am BU here so I'd quite like reassurance and tips but debate welcome too. Essentially I am currently exclusively breastfeeding my almost 4 month old first born. Will be going back to work when she is about 7 months and DH will be at home with her for another 6 months. We have been feeding her bottles of EBM since she was 2 weeks old but now she often refuses it or only take a couple of ounces.

I am getting in a bit of a tizz about going back to work. Soon the plan is that she'll be on a 4 hour feeding schedule at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm, 11pm and 3am. I hope the last two feeds might be dropped by then and I can still do the 7am feed myself but realistically the others will be formula or EBM. I am concerned about the latter because I don't think she'll take a bottle and I read that sippy cups should only be used with meals. I have a strong aversion to formula though I know I am being a bit U there.

My questions are 1) is my milk likely to dry up if i only do one feed a day and express twice, 2) do babies take formula from a bottle when they reject EBM and if so why and 3) could I still do EBF on the weekend?

Fourth AIBU to be so worried about feeding formula to a 7 month old or to worry about this so much generally?! It just feels like it's coming around quite quickly now :(

I am back to work full time and still breastfeeding at night.

Knowing what I know now.

I wish I combi fed-- my dd won't take formula, cows, soy or any form of milk.

She never used a bottle and refused so weaning to cup was very quick.

She is a fussy eater-- I wish she would take formula/follow on milk so when she won't eat atleast I had milk to fall back on.

If I have a second child I will combi feed because I didn't think i would be breastfeeding for this long. I feel I cannot wean her because she doesn't eat well enough.

Thanks SDTG. All constructive responses welcome! My husband was a formula baby and he is ace and probably the cleverest person I know so I'm not too concerned about that! I think you are right though that worrying about going back is having an effect on the enjoyment of my leave though, so I do need to stop stressing. As others have said babies change a lot in 3 months. It just seems like yesterday that she was born and I thought naively that bottle feeding ebm wouldn't be a problem if I started early enough.

I would like the breastfeeding relationship to continue if at all possible but she's as of last week only taking ebm from me and that's iffy anyway. The thing that would scare me is if she refused ebm and then formula too, someone mentioned making up porridge etc with breastmilk which is a great idea. DH is quite relaxed as keeps saying she won't starve herself. That's true of course but I know the nhs say most nutrition should still be from breast or formula milk until 12 mo so he keeps talking about solids but that doesn't feel like a solution to me. I have bought a trainer cup but she's not really developmentally there yet.

Softkitty what kind of cup do you use?

TrinitySquirrel, ok. I'm not sure you've read the entire thread and you seem to have forgotten your manners. I'm a little upset about ebm not working out though, that's true. Not quite sure I'm at hysteria levels yet though!

Munchkin 360 to start with! Love this cup because it doesn't spill! And easy to clean.

Shes now on a regular cup

OP YANBU to not want to use formula. Ignore people getting at you. It's an emotive subject for many. There's many valid reasons for not wanting to use formula but of course if the other option is a hungry baby it's the obvious choice!
Do check out Dr Jack Newman and I find Kelly mom a great resource too.
If you have to use formula it's fine but you're not wrong to have a preference.

Just because it's not my preference doesn't mean I'm criticising anyone else

Your choice of thread title was fairly inflammatory, for what you acknowledge is an emotive subject. I would think most of us are at anyone who does anything we have an aversion to?

Anyway, to the point. By 7 months, things for us were all about trying to get the baby to take water / eat solids when all they wanted was formula. At nearly a year, it's still hit and miss. Meanwhile, my friend was having to supplement with vitamin drops by 8 months as her baby stopped taking milk once they knew there was an alternative. Try not to waste the precious time you have now by planning for something which you don't yet know the variables of.

This is a very emotive subject. I know that I beat myself up so badly, for so many years, over my inability to nourish my babies with my breast milk - I characterised it as a failure for so long, and actually hurt myself with my self-criticism about it. Other people can feed their babies, but mine look like famine victims on my milk - what is wrong with me - why am I such a failure?

Nourishing our babies is such a basic and vital thing - it is no surprise that it is such an emotive thing.

I do think that what matters most is that we are positive and supportive towards each other - and ourselves - whether we decide to breastfeed or use formula. The vast majority of parents make their parenting decisions out of love for their children - even when those decisions are different to some other parents’ decisions, it doesn’t mean there is less love or care there.

That's fair - the title is probably more broadly negative sounding than I meant it. I really don't care what anyone else feeds so it's not an aversion to formula per se, I just feel sad when I think of feeding my own LO formula and my milk drying up, and guilty because if I took the whole 12 months she would stay on breast milk so it's the main thing we "lose" that DH can't really replace when he is off with her. Is your baby still taking formula from a bottle at 12m? Or do you use a sippy?

If I recal correctly, at 12 months, my dses switched from formula to cows milk, and we gradually phased out the bottles, moving to sippy cups - the last bottle to go was the night time milk, but that did eventually switch to a sippy cup - but as the youngest is 20 now, I’m afraid I honestly can’t remember when they dropped the bottle altogether!

Waddlelikeapenguin, the issue with reverse cycling is that I don't think I could cope with the disturbed sleep and perform well at work and I'm under some pressure to perform as soon as i get back. I will be working relatively long hours so the 7am and 11pm feeds are the only ones I'll reliably be able to do. If she wakes for milk in the night DH will still need to do it unfortunately.

I think you may struggle to maintain your supply if you plan on only one 7pm (? Forgive me cant re read thread) feed unless you pump lots. Have you spoken to LLL or similar for advice?

One thingmy son went through a THING of refusing a bottle (of EBM) for about a month at 4 months oldhe also because a total fucking pain to BF (wanted only to feed lying down, was faffing about etc). By 5 months he was happy with a bottle again. Don't panic too much about the EBM just yet! As to the night feeds and being back at work: you will manage, I promise. It seems impossible, but you will cope.

Is your baby still taking formula from a bottle at 12m?

He is. To be honest, we've not tried otherwise. Getting him to take water from a cup was such a battle of wills and it's still so painstakingly tedious - and I'm a big believer in choosing your battles! Our plan is to introduce cows milk only in the Doidy cup (by far his favourite, but messy) or free flow cup and phase out bottles with formula.

Your sadness about this does make perfect sense. Mum guilt is always there about something, and this is The Big One. I broke my heart over introducing formula, but I'm not sure why now. Well, I am. It was mostly external pressures conflicting with what actually made sense / was possible for us as a family. You cannot split yourself in two, and can only do your best with what resources you have.

I’d agree with everyone saying not to worry OP. A lot can and will change in the next three months! And it will keep changing quickly after that. I ebf from birth until 5.5 months when I started weaning. I then introduced formula for some feeds and DD was having a mix of food, formula and bm. My supply fizzled out by about 6-6.5 months but weaning was a big part of this.... DD was quick to take to food dropped her mid-morning milk by 7 months, night weaned at 8 months and dropped her afternoon bottle at 8.5. So was just having bottles first thing and bedtime.

BTW you can keep ‘comfort feeding’ for a long time - your supply may fizzle out but won’t stop completely if you keep feeding at all so you DC might be getting nutrition from food and formula but might still enjoy a little comfort snack. In retrospect this was what happened to me.... DD took to food so well that when she was bf it just wasn’t really much and must have been more a bedtime/night time comfort thing for the last month or two.

Oh, yes - should have said that at 12 months he's only having milk first thing and last thing, with a bottle in the afternoon that we could probably drop if we needed to as he's taking less. (Except yesterday when he took a litre over 4 bottles during the day; you see - hit and miss!)

OP, I felt exactly like you when DD was 4 months, EBF, and still feeding every couple of hours. I was stressing about how things would work when I returned to work at 9 months and was planning to express a freezer full as I'd got it in to my head that she wouldn't accept formula.

I'm now a matter of weeks away from returning and she is a different baby. She has taken to solids really well, loves water in her sippy cup and will happily go hours without so much as a glance at my boobs. I gave up on my expressing dream when I came to terms with the fact that I am rubbish at it as well as hating it and decided that we'd try formula. I realised if she won't take it at least she'd have food and water til I get home. I felt quite apprehensive about giving formula too. Not because there's anything wrong with it but because I was worried that it might not agree with her or it would spell the end of our breastfeeding journey (my niece lost interest in feeding as soon as she was given formula at 6 months).

We've now had a few trials of formula at her nursery taster sessions and with DH and DM. She would only ever take a tiny bit of expressed milk but guzzled the formula. There were no effects on her digestion and I actually felt none of the sadness I expected to at all. So far she still happily feeds from me and I feel far more chilled about going back. My plan is to continue breastfeeding morning and night and on my days off but I've accepted she might lose interest or my milk supply might dwindle. The thought of that would have upset me a month or so ago but now she's turned into a complete fusspot who is partial to the odd nibble I can deal with it . Sleep is another matter but I'm trying to relax about that too. It'll sort itself eventually even if takes 3 years.

One piece of advice I've been given to try and maintain BFing is to not give her any formula myself, so she associates it with her other carers only but still feeds from me. I'll let you know how it goes!

Definitely try and stop worrying about it. Things will change so much in the next few months. Relax and go with the flow. I wish I had!

YABU about formula. I couldn't breastfeed and my son was a healthy baby because of formula.

That is excellent KTCluck, thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed reply. I might give myself a bit of a break with expressing as it's dull and taking up a lot of golden napping time! I also feel bereft when pouring rejected milk down the sink!

Thanks very much raviolidreaming for the advice. It has really reassured me. In a way it's quite nice to have realised what has been lying at the bottom of my expressing mania.

And good idea SlackerMum re comfort feeding. I'm keeping my fingers crossed she'll take well to solids too. I hadn't considered getting some of our bonding time through breastfeeding even if she's primarily drinking formula by then.

I really hope it all works out for you. I'm sure it will

As an aside, I remember worrying and crying and Googling about whether we'd still bond once we were just using formula - I combi-fed until 3 months - yet most of the time I can't shake him off even if I wanted to... which sometimes I do

I didn't realise quite how detailed til I read it back . Ah yes, I do not miss tipping those ounces I'd slaved over down the sick. Or the tears over the spilt milk after dropping the pump. Hope it works out for you and enjoy the rest of your leave with your lovely baby