To think talking to good friends can be just as good as a trained counsellor?

[LardLizard]

And I mean really solid good friends
Kind and thoughtful good listeners

Yes. I tell my mum and my closest friends stuff. I need them. Yes, they are almost as good as counsellors.

It depends on the situation I think. If it's just a general 'life is getting me down' thing, friends can arguably help more because they know me and they know all of the background. In that situation the fact that they're listening to me and boosting my self-esteem out of choice and not because it's what they're paid to do also helps.

If it's trauma related/a mental health issue, I think friends and counsellors can be equally important but in different ways. Like when I'm dealing with mental health stuff, friends don't necessarily understand the illness and don't know what to say. There's also the worry that I'm dumping on them and overwhelming them. I have been in the position of being an on-call counsellor to a friend with severe anxiety, I ended up having to tell her that I needed space because every conversation was about her and her problems and if I wasn't available to listen, she would make me feel so awful about it. It's not an experience I would want to repeat or want to put on any of my friends. Counsellors have training not just in how to help clients, but also how to handle their own emotions. They also get to set up professional boundaries without fear of causing offence.

There are good and bad professionals in all walks of life. If you don't like anything about your Counsellor you could walk away in anger or disappointment BUT wouldn't it be exciting to explore the irritation in a safe environment without rejection?

This is the 'magic' of being counselled. It's a place to discover yourself and who you really are I believe.

No I disagree. Someone who is not trained in active listening/responding probably won't listen in the same way. My friends are great to talk to and often make me feel better. But some problems you need a completely impartial ear. Someone who is not allowed to judge you, who really listens (most people are thinking about what they will say next or will be zoning out a bit), who doesn't relate their own experiences (sometimes this can be annoying or upsetting), who doesn't try to make you feel better with platitudes (sometimes you just need to say things are shit and have someone listen to that and not say don't worry it will get better soon).

I have great friends but I also suffered from anxiety disorder for many years. They never really understood although they tried to listen. If you haven't been there you can't understand. And they shouldn't have to listen me spout the depths of my soul all the time. A great therapist/counsellor did that for 10 years and I still see once a month. It's my place to go and say exactly what I feel and it's a really wonderful thing. You have to find the right person of course - it is like a friendship in that respect, you have to click.

Yeah, there's also the fact that your friends/family have their own lives and their own priorities, and they are not getting paid to listen to you. A professional not only gets fees for helping you but, once your appointment is over, they can go about the rest of their day's business/see their other patients/have their tea in peace (though I think there are times when a therapist who knows a patient is in a really bad way will accept the patient phoning at any time).
It can be very hard to be the 'chosen friend' for someone having a bad time as, however much you care and want to help, if they are constantly getting in touch to moan and whine and ask for support, to the extent that you have no time for your DC/DP/other friends, it's really draining. Particularly if the person won't seek professional help, won't take any advice and just wants to have the same conversation over and over again...

A lot of my friends are trained counsellors!

YANBU to think this. I also find talking to random people (anonymously) on the internet helps - on forums and suchlike.

I have had counselling before, for things I won't go into, and I found the counsellors pretty shit. They seemed to have very little idea what I was going through, and were just taking everything they were saying, straight out of a textbook.

Their sayings and lines were pre-rehearsed and cliched. I never really felt comfortable, and often felt they were clock-watching.

My DH went to one, (some 10 years back,) and the first thing the counsellor asked him was what is his favourite hobby. He said it's Star Wars.

Then everytime he went, the counsellor said 'May the force be with you!' And 'I am your father.' (or some other line from Star Wars!) whenever he walked into the room.

So fucking weird. It made him feel so uneasy and pissed off, that he stopped going after 6-7 sessions.

Yeah I am not a fan of counsellors, and neither is DH.

That said though, neither of us confides in friends when it comes to personal and intimate problems. It's too familiar, and we have both had bad experiences in the past.

Basically, we have confided in someone and told them about something personal. Then later on, when we have fallen out, they have told other people, and used the personal information against us to hurt us, and get at us.

As I said, I tend to post anonymously on message forums like this.

A lot of my friends are trained counsellors!
That might be so but counsellors should never "counsel" their friends, they would know that the emotional involvement wouldn't allow the creation of an appropriate space of healing. Friendship helps in so many ways, but not the way counselling does.

I think it depends a lot on what your problem is and what you want to get out of the conversation.

I disagree, I have found counselling invaluable over the years, only having found a really decent one. I would never be able to get the same support, insight & reflection from talking to a friend.

I disagree.
With a counsellor, you do not need to take their feelings and needs into account. You can talk about your thoughts and feelings without worrying about the impact on the other person. This enables you to discuss deep rooted issues.

With good friends, there will always be the element of the two way relationship.

It depends.

I think with some problems, chatting to anyone about it can be helpful. Friends can sometimes offer good advice because they know you so well and care about you.

However, with deeper and more intractable problems, counselling is invaluable. I don't think any friend could really be expected to deal with the lengthy sessions that might be needed to help someone get through the trauma of childhood sexual abuse, or self-worth issues. Unconditional positive regard is not something one should expect from a friend, either.

Depends on the problem, the calibre of the friend, and the needs of the talker. Also something that strikes me having been on mn for such a long time is that many many people use the term friend very loosley and would be better off with a counselor or therapist.

They are different things,talking to a friend over talking to a counsellor.
I've got fantastic friends,and my best friend has a counselling background so is pretty good at non judgemental listening,but( from my side of things) my seeing my counsellor has helped our friendship.At the point that I started counselling I had things that were distressing me and things I felt I had to talk to someone about.That someone would be my friend,and though she never complained I don't think it was fair on her.
And some of the things,if I could just have talked to friends I wouldn't have considered counselling - but I couldn't.It was bloody hard talking to the counsellor too,but she is impartial,outside the situation,trained,not going to listen to me and then decide she doesn't want our friendship any more,and my distress doesn't faze her.
Sometimes friends are enough but sometimes I think counselling is better ( with the right-for-you properly trained person)