Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Who is bu? Driving issue

43 replies

Mrsweasley123 · 13/01/2018 17:43

Husband has his work Christmas do tonight, given the date he has known about it for some time. He said he had a lift sorted there and back so I wouldn't have to go out with the two kids.
This morning he announced he needs to sort a lift to a town (35 minutes from home roughly) to get a lift to the event, so I said don't worry I will drive you to the event (15 minutes away). He said great, thanks all sorted.

I have only recently passed my driving test and am still not the most confident driver, but event is on my route to work so I know it well,

A few hours later he states actually can I take him to said town as he wants to get the train with his mates. I pointed out that this was a) a massive waste of money (extra petrol and train ticket) b) will need to leave an hour earlier so right in the middle of kids dinner and c) I've never driven to said town before and it involves using a motorway which I'm not confident with, so would rather not do this given I'll have the kids in the car on the way back.

Apparently I am ruining his evening by making a fuss and I already said I'd give him a lift so might as well take him to the town.

He has stormed off in his car to drive to the train station meaning I will now have to drive him to the town anyway tomorrow to pick his car up.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Crashbangwhallop · 13/01/2018 19:42

You're being cautious and still need to build your confidence up. That's fine.
He's being completely unreasonable to expect to be able to interrupt everything when there is a much easier and cheaper option. Don't take him to collect his car tomorrow. He can get a bus. Or multiple buses. Then drive to his car before he gets there and put poo on his handles or something dreadful the ungrateful rude little shit.

Trashboat · 13/01/2018 19:56

But in all honesty once you can drive you should be able to drive

Bit of a twattish thing to say.

I have been driving for years. Happy to pootle back and to to work, shops, driving dd to friends etc., but I don't enjoy driving on motorways and rarely do as I don't have the confidence.

Lol @ driving lessons on motorways. You might be thinking of pass plus, where you can pay for lessons on motorways, once you have passed your test.

Nicknacky · 13/01/2018 20:00

God good, do posters really grudge going out their way for their partners this badly?! Calling him a twat etc?

I hope the op never asks for a big favour from him.

gamerchick · 13/01/2018 20:02

Lol @ driving lessons on motorways. You might be thinking of pass plus, where you can pay for lessons on motorways, once you have passed your test

www.gov.uk/government/news/plans-to-let-learner-drivers-have-motorway-driving-lessons-revealed

ivykaty44 · 14/01/2018 01:58

Driving on a motorway is easier than driving on other roads and statistically safer, so if your not confident enough to drive on a motorway should you be driving on other roads that are more complicated, roundabouts, traffic lights, pedestrians crossing, zebra crossings, junctions, etc

eastlondoner · 14/01/2018 02:05

He's being unreasonable.

And so are the people making comments about driving.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/01/2018 02:22

He is BU to have stormed off. But driving him tomorrow to pick up the car should be a good idea if you aren't that confident. You get to practice the route in daylight on a Sunday with someone with you on the way there and on your own on the way back. The way you'll get confident at driving in varied situations is to do it. So roll your eyes at his moment of teenage behaviour but grab the opportunity to practice tomorrow with both hands.

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 03:47

I don't get stuff like this. We do a 'can you drop me here at this time' and we just say yes if we are home, it's no problem. I spent 2 days driving around car show rooms and garages a few weeks ago with a friend, we covered over 150 miles. I was at home nothing major on, dh was home so he could feed the tribe, we just juggled things. She needed help (she only asked in the morning), and I don't see partners or friends as an inconvenience if they need a life. Favours always repaid.

Re: motorway driving. As a leaner you are probably safer as you don't have bad habits and do everything correctly. However, I can understand you reluctance. But once you pass your test, you are good to go. If it was major issue it would be in the driving test. Motorways are safer.

Abbylee · 14/01/2018 04:03

I have been driving for decades and still worry at times! After accidents, it is not quite the confident excursion one would like each trip to be, because I understand that accidents are just that: unexpected and potentially dangerous.

Dh is being a monkey's butt.

Italiangreyhound · 14/01/2018 04:27

He is being unreasonable.

KaniKani · 14/01/2018 04:41

Drop him off at the local station and he can take a train to the train station his mates are at?

He's being selfish though. My Ex used to pull this shit. Expect me to drive 45 minutes to pick him up after the kid's bedtimes because he's too tired to take a 20-minute train journey.

KaniKani · 14/01/2018 04:43

Sorry, just realised it was tonight.

Oh, well. Nothing you can do about it now. You should be ok driving in the daytime though.

diddl · 14/01/2018 09:30

"God good, do posters really grudge going out their way for their partners this badly?"

Well I'd be pissed off if there was an easier, quicker way to do something which I offered to do but that wasn't good enough.

It wouldn't be so bad but he has now given Op no choice but to do the thing that she didn't want to.

You should leave him to find his own way to his car, Op.

There's no need for it to be at a station half an hr away.

Especially when the venue is only 15 mins away!!

EastMidsMummy · 14/01/2018 13:01

He’s being unreasonable to have changed his plans.

You’are being unreasonable to refuse to drive for half an hour. If you can’t drive in an unfamiliar town, you are a danger to yourself and others and shouldn’t be on the road.

PeggySueOooOo · 14/01/2018 13:29

I think the new driver information is not even relevant.
You offered to drive him 15 mins away (so half an hour drive dragging your kids out in the car after dinner).
After agreeing he wanted you to change that so you have to drive 35 mins away (1 hr 10 mins drive) again with the kids in the car.

That is a huge change in plans and completely inconvenient. YANBU.

EastMidsMummy · 14/01/2018 14:29

How can driving an extra 30 minutes be considered a HUGE CHANGE OF PLAN? God help half of you if this is the timid rigid way you live your lives.

Shadow666 · 14/01/2018 14:31

Driving over an hour at night with young kids in the car when you’re trying to get them dinner and get them ready for bed is a huge pain.

smeerf · 14/01/2018 14:43

I passed my test in August and although I am confident driving around London, I have not been on the motorway yet and would not want my first time to be at night, with half the journey on my own. YANBU.

Flip

1 2