Feeling sad about party invites

[fionnthedog]

DS is is 3.8 and happily been at pre school for a year now. He tells me regularly that his two friends are child 1 and child 2. Child 1 had their birthday party before Christmas and DS not invited and child 2’s is coming up and again DS not invited. For both parties other children from pre school have been invited - and invited handed out at the door.

DS is not the most confident of children and these other two are much more confident (plus a few months older) so I guess that they’re not really friends as DS thinks / says? Or maybe he has other friends he doesn’t tell me about.

Just wondering AIBU to feel sad about this? Any advice or wisdom on how children that age “make friends” and how parents decide on who to invite to their parties? I’m not blaming the parents at all - my query relates to how it’s effecting me!! DS seems entirely oblivious...

At that age we invited the whole class so as not to leave anybody out and did so until year 2. After that they picked their own guests and I added on any that they had missed where they had accepted invites that school year as only polite to return the invitation.

Aw OP - I so want to give you and @ironfloor a hug! as have been there. Well I'm still there really - my two were both in split classes and so upset when peers were going to parties but parents had invited the class not the year group. They got left out when others decided to invite the year group and it was for the majority of children in the class they were in. My son now hasn't been invited to many of birthday celebrations now that he is 8 and everyone is slimming down how many they invite. I just keep trying to tell myself that I can't remember many of the parties I went to and don't remember not being invited either. Doesn't help me feel sorry for them though.

At that age I only invited parents and kids I knew to my children's parties. Friendships are complicated!

Unfortunately it's something you'll have to get used to. My 10yo DD is in year 6 and has had a group of 3/4 school friends for at least 3 maybe more years.

One of the friends had a party in the Xmas hols (not a birthday more because she wanted to have people over) and she didn't invite DD.

DD then had to listen to one of the other friends a week or so later telling her what a brilliant time they'd all had!

Yes it does hurt when your child is excluded for no obvious reason but you just have to let them get on with it and not interfere, however hard that might be

At that age it was more who I was friends with than the kids.

Chienrouge - I got the passage below off the net, I knew I'd read it somewhere (just didn't get it exactly right!)
ApocalypseNowt- me too I couldn't find 37 friends for next month lol

How many children should I invite to my four-year-old's birthday party?
Big numbers can be overwhelming for this age group. A good rule of thumb is one guest for each year of your child's life, plus two or three extra. At the rate children this age get sick, it's likely you'll have a no-show or two.

Interesting!
We’re at a 4 year olds party tomorrow and I know it’s pretty much a full pre school party (about 30 children). I’d say all the ones we’ve been to have been between 15-30 children.

Thanks, NWQM.