To dread the postman arriving?

[RedPatchedAnkle]

I have a thread over on SN chat atm about my DD. She's 2.6 and has a Global Developmental Delay including Physical Delay, Speech Delay, Hip Problems, Squinted eye, Hearing and Chest issues including Asthma - I've posted about her before.

I've always been a pretty laid back person. At school the other girls used to say if "RedPatch is crying then it's got to be serious because she never cries".

But recently I've been finding myself getting anxious every time the post arrives. DD has a lot of appointments every week and I find myself dedicating more and more time to her conditions. I don't mind because she's my DD but I feel so anxious when a letter comes through the door addressed to "Parent/Guardian of Little Patched Ankle" and even sometimes crying putting the dates into the calendar and seeing "appointment for Little Patched at x hospital, at y time and on z date"

I'm already on antidepressants due to the stress of everything with DD. But it's getting too much again. I've considered giving her up, especially when we have 12+ appointments in a month and it feels like I'm paying £500 a month for her to not attend Nursery which is a lot of money. But I wouldn't do that, as I do love her, and her me (she told her keyworker at Nursery "Mumma love-y" (mummy lovely)) and it wouldn't be fair to her and I'd always wonder "what if".

But I dread the postman arriving. I know it's not his fault, he only delivers the letters, but I feel sick at the thought of the post arriving tomorrow - bills and junk mail I can cope with it's the appointments. I feel so worried for her, and her future. It's blood tests for this and urine samples for that, with an x-ray on her hips and chest and an MRI thrown in for good measure. This is surely unsustainable when she's at school?

I don't have health anxiety and manage to make the appointments fun and an adventure for DD - stuff like taking the train there instead of driving as she loves trains. But it shouldn't be like this, should it? I'm scared of the postman which is ridiculous because he's actually a very nice man with 2 grown up children and a dog.

So AIBU to ask how I can get over this anxiety? And how I can stop being scared of the postman?

We're in the same position with waking (child also similar age) which is why I'm up too! You must be physically exhausted (i know I am) which won't help you with feeling overwhelmed.

Me too! It’s a triple whammy of worry, lack of sleep and extra demands. My dc just going back to sleep now so going to listen to ‘rain on a tin roof’ sounds on YouTube to drift off (a Mumsnet recommendation I love). Hope you all get some sleep.

Empathy RedPatch. Not quote so many specialists but yes to the three hospitals, the endless bus journeys, and the rage when someone says. "he'll get there"'

All of my local friends have healthy NT kids, as do my sisters etc.

Does your local child development centre run any groups? We did a play and stay at ours from 6 months up until just gone 2 but i'm still I'm touch with the moms. Having people who properly get it makes so much difference. I also use FB groups for special need parents a lot as again, they get it.

I gave up work at 10 months because I couldn't see any other option. It might be worth doing the sums and seeing how it balances because even if you do volunteering or studying on the side, it might take away one more pressure x

DD woke up at 1.20am. Went to bed about 2.15am, and was still up at 7am to do the shopping online while DD hung off my arm. No post today so I feel a bit less anxious today but we got 3 letters yesterday with appointments, results and paperwork to fill in so I know there will be more soon.

I am trying my absolute hardest not to give up my job. DH has his job, and a network of friends who meet up regularly for gaming days etc. Which is his support, my work is my sanity. But I think it's becoming unrealistic. I'm spending more time at appointments than working and it's not fair to work or to DDs Nursery for me to constantly change days/hours. I just hope we can afford to keep DD in Nursery, as I dread to think how much her development would stall without their input.

I'm not ok really. I'm full of cold, DH is working. So I've still had to take DD out of the house, she's a bit like a dog needs walking for a few hours a day, although it's more her sat in her pushchair and me doing a running commentary of everything we see with the occasional "yeah" or "I like it" response - it can be a very lonely existence. I did get an hours kip when DD went down for her nap though. I've got used to this being my life. No time to myself, constantly run down, and having inappropriate dreams about Mr Tumble and Mr Maker I don't actually fancy them my mind just likes to wander

And I still have a list as long as my arm of housework to do. Some of it DD will help with; putting toys away, putting clothes in draws, wiping surfaces. But there is stuff she can't do; cat litter tray, cleaning the oven and my slow cooker - thank the crock for the amount of time it saves me cooking! When we have all day appointments I just bung it on before we leave and it's ready when we get back. It's never failed me and even has a keep warm feature for if it's ready before we are. Possibly my most trusted companion, plus it also is big enough for me to batch cook in (4.7L) so DH doesn't complain when he comes home to no dinner because I've been busy with appointments etc.

God I sound old! I really am not, I'm only 25!

You must be exhausted.
Any toddler groups around where she can play with supervision? Some church groups do "messy church " on Saturdays that might be a good distraction.

If you're thinking of leaving work can you keep her at nursery for 3h sessions (so less wrapped around care/extra fees needed)? That way you might get a break?

Can you afford to out source cleaning etc?

My MIL does a lot of the cleaning once a week (she does the bathroom, sweeps and mops the kitchen floor, changes DDs bed sheets, and does a general tidy of toys/books) so I just have to do everyday stuff - she doesn't understand DDs conditions or needs but loves cleaning and started doing this after DD was first born and never stopped. I also find oven cleaning therapeutic, but I can't do it if DDs having a clingy day so it does sometimes go weeks without having a proper clean - I wipe it down after every use of course.

We also have a family friend who runs a pet sitting business come in when DD has lots of appointments to feed the cat, top up her water and scoop the litter tray. This does cost us though so I try not to use him regularly.

We go to a weekly stay and play thing when we can but it costs £4.50 a time to go. This is the only one really she can go to that doesn't require too much input from me. There is a messy church but the places go to the regular church goers first and then everyone else and usually there isn't any places left - I used to go to church regularly pre-DD but DH is atheist so don't think he'd be impressed if I started taking DD regularly.

If going to church regularly helps you, go. Tale her or leave her with her Dad. Could Nanny babysit whilst you go?
In his day off go out for coffee. Go for a walk. Hide in the bath. Alone. Even if its only an hour once every few weeks carving that little nugget of time will make the world of difference

MIL works Sundays, and DM won't look after DD on her own as she says "I'm scared I'll hurt her".

And Dad? You need to share the responsibility

Bloody postman, typical bloke.

I know he works long hours but you know who else does? You. Because I bet you can recite your daughters medical stuff off the top of your head, you know her inside out, you're mom but also therapist and teacher and nurse.
The only way to stay sane in this journey with our kids is to find yourself some space and some peace.

2 hours to a good daddy who doesn't get to see her enough whilst you soak in the bath or catch a movie or see a friend shouldn't be too much.

We have ENT Monday then pneumonia vaccine then Tuesday is nursery meeting and health visitor and Wednesday is nurses to change his feeding button. My hubby is also great but all thst is on me. I hold him whilst they rod him. I recite medical history faster than they can read. I do middle of the night tears and coaxing to eat. And Tuesday Daddy can do it all by himself for a few hours because I'm meeting friends for dinner and a movie x

I know this doesn’t help with your reality, and i am massively impressed by how well you seem to be handling a very difficult situation day to day, but a frivilous answer is - make the postman’s visits something to look forwars to as well. Not at all comparible, but i went through a situation that made me scared of looking at my emails for a long time, and i signed up for lots of ebay “saved searches” for things i was interested in, so that every day i was emailed with suggestions of beautiful things i liked (even if i couldn’t actually afford them). It stopped me being scared of the “ping!” of new email.

Maybe catalogues for things you like, or a monthly subscription box if you can afford it (you can get everything from stationery, to flowers, to bathroom smellies), or membership of something you are interested in (eg. RHS, RSPCB)? Or tell distant friends you would really appreciate recieving some real letters? Many sympathies, it does sound very hard and you are doing so well to have coped so far.