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Original poster

Help with coping with death while pregnant

19 replies

silvousplaitmerci · 12/01/2018 11:54

I'll cut to the chase

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and my dad is dying. It has happened very suddenly and I am not coping at all with the suddenness of his illness and sharp decline.

I am currently in my mum's house lying in her bed crying and I can't stop.

Is there anything I can take to stop this feeling? I can't sleep but I can't take sleeping pills and I'm anxious but cannot take anti anxiety medication. All due to pregnancy.

I have a 4 year old dd who hasn't had the attention she deserves off me for the few weeks my dad has been ill. My DH has kept our house running as well. I am just a wreck.

Can anyone help with advice? It would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
TimeforCupcakes · 12/01/2018 12:00

Please speak to your doctor. We lost my FIL very unexpectedly when I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest. I didn't deal well with it and my GP was fantastic. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this xx

Heartoffire · 12/01/2018 12:06

Oh love it’s hard isn’t it. We lost my darling mil the week after my youngest was born. Be good to yourself and yes see your GP. Flowers there is no Manuel on how to feel, or how you should act.

theclockticksslowly · 12/01/2018 12:08

Definitely speak to your doctor. We found out my DH had terminal cancer when I was a few months pregnant - and I had very similar reactions as to you describe. There were sleeping tablets I was given that were safe for the baby and helped me relax a little. I was also able to speak regularly with a counsellor and although nothing could be done to stop the inevitable, having someone independent from it all to talk through my feelings did help.

Sending Flowers

TammySwansonTwo · 12/01/2018 12:11

There are antisickness tablets that are safe for pregnancy and also work as a mild sedative - promethazine is the main one. I'd go and see your GP and have a chat. I lost my mum the year before I got pregnant and I understand how awful it is. There's nothing like it. Hang in there Flowers

Original poster
silvousplaitmerci · 12/01/2018 12:17

Oh ladies I'm crying reading your posts Sad

I have been completely blindsided by this. I can't bear the thought of my DD not seeing her beloved papa again or me not being able to give him a hug and tell him how much I love him.

OP posts:
SarahLouise849 · 12/01/2018 16:18

Make sure you talk to people, ask for help and remember you aren't alone in what you are feeling! My dad passed away 5 days before I gave birth, it was the hardest thing I have ever been through but it does get easier. Sending you hugs xx

afrikat · 12/01/2018 17:13

I'm so sorry. My dad died when I was 22 weeks pregnant. It was fairly sudden and I had to sort out the funeral, emptying his rented flat and then the will. I couldn't have got through it all without my husband helping out massively and other family members doing what they could. In terms of grief, I had some good advice from a therapist which was to let myself feel everything, to cry and grieve as I need to. It wouldn't hurt the baby (but trying to bottle it all up wouldn't be good)

CuppaSarah · 12/01/2018 17:41

You get yourself to gp asap, you can call out of hours for this. There's things you can take that will help. When my cousin died very unexpectedly, his sister was pregnant. The midwives and drs gave her a lot of help.

I am so sorry you're going through this. It's beyond unfair and too cruel to put into words. Remember your feelings can't affect your baby, so just feel how you need to. But coping is.undoubtedly harder when pregnant, so it's best to get something to help you from the dr. Flowers

Dishwashersaurous · 12/01/2018 17:53

My father died unexpectedly when eight months pregnant with pfb. I honestly don't know how I did it. Organised funeral, did eulogy at funeral, phoned round his friends and family to tell them. I did everything on autopilot. The best advice is literally to take one day at a time and not try and worry about all the things that need to happen in the future. Also on a really practical note if he doesn't have a will do one ASAP as it will be much easier afterwards. And if you can't sleep have a glass of red wine.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 12/01/2018 17:55

Ds1’s dh (my ex) died when ds1 was small. That completely blindsided me. I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant with new partner’s (now dh) child. Which was totally unexpected. I ended up having 6 weeks off work sick. I actually don’t remember much about that time at all. But it was very bleak, and I struggled to function above anything but the basics.

My df died when I was a teenager, and it just brought everything all back. Go and see your gp. There are all sorts of ways they can help.

Look after and be kind to yourself. It’s hard, but then a lot of things in life are. Brew

ForgivenessIsDivine · 12/01/2018 18:02

See a homeopath. Safe and might help with your emotions which are of course completely expected.

(And yes, sugar pills that don't work more than the placebo effect,;sold by charlatans to rip off the gullible, hope I didn't miss any of the expected comebacks)

switswoo81 · 12/01/2018 18:09

I’m in a similar enough situation. My lovely fil is in hospital and dh has just rang to say they said it’s probably only a few hours left. Am also 26 weeks and have a 2 year old. Just want to support dh but feel so useless

Grace1980 · 12/01/2018 20:19

Oh you poor thing :( my heart goes out to you. My dad suddenly became very ill when I was 22 weeks pregnant with my first, and he died 6 weeks later. It was a terrible shock. I was devastated. I found that watching him decline was the worst part - it was horrific, I totally understand how you are feeling. Be strong!!!!! Have counselling if you can get it, tell your dad you love him, your baby will be fine. My baby is now 6 years old, perfectly healthy, super clever and just perfect. Don’t worry about your struggles affecting the baby. Sending you so much love and strength xxx

Dozer · 12/01/2018 20:20

Very sorry to hear this. Hope you can access good MH support.

PinkyBlunder · 12/01/2018 20:42

Oh OP Flowers

My Mum died when I was pregnant with DD and it was a horrific experience. I wish I had advice for you. I wish

PinkyBlunder · 12/01/2018 20:43

Sorry posted too soon.

I wish there was something that could take it all away for you Sad

Seeing the GP to access some support is a really good idea. Be kind to yourself

kaytee87 · 12/01/2018 20:44

I'm so sorry op. My dad is also dying. Defo speak to your gp.

ParkheadParadise · 12/01/2018 20:52

My Dd1 died when I was 7mths pregnant with dd2.
I will be honest it was the worst time of my life. I took to my bed with the duvet over my head. My DH and family were at a loss to be able to help me.
My GP and midwife were brilliant.
So sorry this is happening to you**@silvousplaitmerci** Take CareFlowers

Subtleconstraints · 12/01/2018 21:09

I'm very sorry you and your family are going through this op Flowers. It's so very hard to bear. Please remember that your dear father would not want you to be distressed although I know that is easy to say. I agree with those advising that you seek the help of your GP as he or she may be able to help with safe calming meds.

My father died a few weeks before my daughter was born, and I was denied permission by my gynaecologist to travel back home from abroad (difficult pregnancy and too late to fly). I remember being in shock for a while.

Parkheadparadise I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter.

Same to all the posters on here who have been through something similar.

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