Another one, this time a B&B in Oxford in 2000.
It was quite a spooky B&B, all gloomy wallpaper and dark green paint on the skirting boards, banisters, doors etc. Run by a little old woman who was pleasant enough, albeit in a slightly sinister way, IYSWIM. Blue rinse hair, thick spectacles, and a moth-eaten old cardie.
My room was on the ground floor near the front door of the B&B and had a knackered old single bed and rather bizarre tea-making facilities (milk in an old pickled onions jar, teabags that looked yellow and ancient, and brown powder - coffee, presumably - in another old pickled onions jar).
The bathroom was icky - clean, but tiled in dark green, with a brown bath, sink and lavvy. And in a (cracked) mug on the sink, a dozen old toothbrushes with brown and curly bristles! WHY? Why would she think anyone would use them?
I was a little creeped out but thought whatever, it's a place to crash, as long as I drink enough strong lager I should be able to crash later on, no worries. So I went out (to see Robyn Hitchcock), drank loads of strong lager, returned to the B&B and duly passed out.
I was awoken in the small hours by a series of extremely disturbing noises. First, a long-drawn out, eerie, creaking whining noise, like a crypt door opening or an undead being groaning. Then a gentle tinkling, like chains clanking.
I sat up in bed, absolutely petrified. The sounds - one after the other - first the creaking whining, then the tinkling, were getting louder and louder, and the thing - whatever it was - was getting nearer and nearer - it seemed to be approaching the window of my room which gave out onto the street -
Creak - creak - clank - clank -
I sucked in my breath to scream -
Then - IT loomed into view.
A milk float.
A milk float with a milkman doing his early deliveries (it was 5am). The groaning whining was the sound of the engine of his milk float and the tinkling clanking was him loading and unloading milk bottles.
I let out a gigantic gasp of relief and collapsed back into bed. Seriously I'd never been more scared in my life. A milk float!!!