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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my dd's godfather to buy her a birthday present?

21 replies

Kitsilano · 26/04/2007 09:07

DD has just turned 2 last week. One of her godparents has never even sent a card for birthday or Christmas, let alone a present. He is DH's best friend of many years, was best man at our wedding, lives about 20 mins drive from us in London.

He is also extremely wealthy (several millions) not that this is relevant except to demonstrate that he can afford a small present.

My DH has mentioned it to him a couple of times in a half joking way and he definitely knew this year that my dd's birthday was coming up.

Incidentally he never bought us a wedding present either so I guess we should have been forewarned!

Am I strange to be bothered by this?

OP posts:
fairyjay · 26/04/2007 09:13

Perhaps explains why he's kept his millions - he's tight!

Does he do other 'godfatherly' things for your daughter?

I would be a little put out to be honest.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 26/04/2007 09:16

He doesn't do anything at all but to be fair because he doesn't have kids of his own we don't socialise with him that much with dd.

OP posts:
DeviousDaffodil · 26/04/2007 09:18

Why is he a godfather if you don't have much to do with him?
If he kas no kids of his own he probably has no idea how important birthdyas are.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 26/04/2007 09:21

We do have lots to do with him. DH sees him for a beer after work every week or so and we often meet for dinner, went on holiday with him at New Year. I just meant that he doesn't see DD that often.

I take your point re kids of his own though.

OP posts:
DeviousDaffodil · 26/04/2007 09:25

My brother is childless and often misses birthdays or bungs a tenner in an envelope. Just a bloke thing maybe?

WendyWeber · 26/04/2007 09:29

ahem

Doesn't mention birthday presents there...

dmo · 26/04/2007 09:37

my brother is my sons godfather and never does the birthday thing (he did do the christmas present but its prob more to do with his girlfreind than him) its a man thing

my dh sister is godmother and when ds made his first holy communion i said to sil that she has to be there as she is godmother and she said that she didnt even know she was godmother so what the f**k was she doing in church 8 yrs b4 holding a baby dressed in white? she is a yr 6 teather and never buys the boys birthday presents eirther

SSShakeTheChi · 26/04/2007 09:38

I wouldn't expect godparents to send a birthday card or gift really

kslatts · 26/04/2007 09:45

I wouldn't really be bothered that he hasn't sent a gift, I would expect him to make the effort to see your dd now and again though.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 26/04/2007 09:53

Thanks for replies - it's good to get another perspective and see that it's not unusual

OP posts:
heiferCROCloather · 26/04/2007 09:56

well, I would be bothered about a card (although not pressie)

It just shows that he is thinking about her,,, in my view hardly likely to be praying for her if not actually thinking about her enough to send a card.

One of DD Godfathers is a vicar so ticks all the right boxes on the list AND managed to send DD a birthday card and present...

Even though he sent her an empty purse, and when I joked with him about it months later that didn't he know it is unlucky to send an empty purse (should be a pennie in it or a tenner) he said, um well we don't believe in unlucky)..

So no you are not be unreasonable (IMO)

GameGirly · 26/04/2007 09:59

Oh God, this reminds me that my Godson's birthday present is still sitting under my desk, and his birthday was in February. I promise I will get it sorted TODAY!

I don't think you're strange to be bothered by this, but I personally don't think that presents and cards are particularly important from Godparents. I'm convinced my Godson's parents thought they'd do well out of me because for some reason they think we have more money than they do, although my DH and hers do similar jobs. They even asked me to contribute towards their son's school fees. I declined on the grounds that I have my own 2 children to finance and that anyway, DH and I both work hard for our money (and still struggle a bit to make ends meet). I did suggest to her that if private schooling meant so much to her then perhaps she should get off her bum and get a job ...

Budababe · 26/04/2007 10:02

OMG GG - that is shocking.

Reminds me of the horrible thread on here a while ago about someone who was asked to be GM to a child purely because they had recenlty come into some money - she overheard the mother of the child talking in the loos!

Original poster
Kitsilano · 26/04/2007 10:05

Unbelievable! I certainly wasn't expecting school fees. Just a birthday card maybe?!

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 26/04/2007 10:09

I didn't meet my Godfather until i was 31 and it was at my wedding!

I did however manage to piss him off royally when i was about 6 or 7 by sending him a thank you cards at Christmas for a couple of years running that read, "Dear Godfather. Thank you ever so much for the lovely present you gave me at Christmas, which i am very grateful for. Sadly though I think it got lost in the post and it never arrived. Hope you're well, Love Stigaloid"

My parents weren't amused when they were telephoned by an angry Godfather .......

GameGirly · 26/04/2007 10:10

I think it's hysterically funny, I really do! And I was so proud of myself for managing to decline her "offer" both diplomatically and politely. Still have no idea why I was asked to be godmother in the first place, as all the others (there are many!) are loaded. They obviously thought that just 'cos I like nice things, I have pots of dosh. I don't, 'cos I've spent it all on the nice things!

marialuisa · 26/04/2007 10:17

When DD was baptised our lovely parish priest said something along the lines of "from my point of view your role is to support X's parents in bringing X up in the Catholic faith. You'll probably want to remember presents at Christmas and on her birthdays too."

SweetyDarling · 26/04/2007 10:22

Goodness, my Dad has so many godchildren (a dozen or more) and I am sure he couldn't name them let alone remember thier birthdays!
Then again he's not really christian either, so he was surely an odd choice in the first place!

newgirl · 26/04/2007 13:34

Heavens no - hes a man i guess without kids?

his interests are not small children however much he likes you all

he might come in to his own when your child is an adult, but I would just forget about it

i know a fair few people who would rather not be godparents either - its rather tricky to say no, but it can be rather landed on you, iyswim

kimi · 26/04/2007 13:51

You can have him replaced as god parent you know.

Both my sons have 2 godmothers and 2 godfathers
DS1 has my sister my uncle and a married couple who are our friends

DS2 has my sister my uncle and a different married couple.

My sister is a fab god mother, my uncle is also good and couple 1 for DS1 always remember his birthday etc (and always treat DS2 the same as DS1)

Ds2s couple have never been interested think they sent him a card once.

I feel bad for DS2 as we did not undertake the choice of god parents lightly.

dmo · 26/04/2007 20:28

i am godmother to my niece who has just turned 1 i love her to pieces (she has just been reg blind and has cp ) i go to church once a month (church parade) and i take my niece with her as i think this is part of my job
also i have written down the date of her christening in my dairy and every year on this day will be our special godmother goddaugher day as i think if you are a godmother it is a very special job to be given

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