to ask you to proof read this invite

[thebumblebearbee]

I'm worried of offending especially the transport issue as the party is somewhat out of time. Is this wording okay? The parents who I know don't drive all live in walking distance of Generic Road.

Also, is it obvious what the activity is without the kids working it out? Some are 9/10 y.o. so will be able to read but I thought if I stick it on the back and hand the invite direct to parent they will not notice?

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

Please join us at VENUE for a soft play session and birthday meal on DATE at 2pm

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45-5pm. If you and your child are happy to do so, feel free to drop them off and pick up later on. Please provide us with your contact details should we need to get in touch with you. Between parents, grandparents, aunts etc, there will be plenty of responsible adults keeping their eyes on them. Though you are more than welcome to stay if you prefer.

If your child can't attend, even if they wake up sick on the day, please let us know so Bumble can invite another friend. We don't want her to have an empty birthday table!

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue (2 minutes walking) and runs every 10 minutes. If you are considering declining due to transport issues, please let us know so we can arrange pick ups/drop offs if you are happy with this.

Back of invite:
Name:
Yes - I'd love to come
No - Sorry I can't come
Parent name and contact number:
Psssttt....parents! There will also be a surprise activity on the day, without giving too many details away it will involve running round in the dark and bright flashing lights, if this isn't suitable for your child please let us know in advance, but please don't tell them about it - even Bumble doesn't know that there will be a surprise😉

Gosh that's a bit long... no need to write War and Peace.

Drop the 'if your child can't attend' paragraph. It's not necessary and I would find it patronising.

Sounds absolutely fine and I hope Bumble Jr and the friends (and adults!) all have a lovely day. You've put a lot of thought into it.

It's fine, it's nice. But then I'm the type to use a hundred words when ten would suffice too, so I like it. I like to eliminate the potential for misunderstanding, but someone always misunderstands anyway.

One of the kids is defo going to read that bit on the back about the activity, so don't be surprised if it isn't quite a surprise on the day, but it's the thought that counts :)

Writing about the laserquest thing on the back is not secure against older children reading it and working it out and telling all their mates.

If you and your child are happy to do so, feel free to drop them off and pick up later on. Please provide us with your contact details should we need to get in touch with you

This is a bit long. You could just put "parents free to stay or drop off". Then just get their contact details when they drop off.

It comes across fine, friendly, and no problems - but if you were to edit, this is what I'd do -

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

Please join us at VENUE for a soft play session and birthday meal on DATE at 2pm

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45-5pm. If you and your child are happy to do so, feel free to drop them off and pick up later on. Please provide us with your contact details if you do want to drop off. You are also welcome to stay if you would prefer*

If your child can't attend on the day, we and the venue would really appreciate it if you could let us know

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue (2 minutes walking) and runs every 10 minutes. We're happy to help with lifts too, so do let me know

Back of invite:
Name:
Yes - I'd love to come
No - Sorry I can't come
Parent name and contact number:
Psssttt....parents! There will also be a surprise activity on the day, without giving too many details away it will involve running round in the dark and bright flashing lights, if this isn't suitable for your child please let us know in advance, but please don't tell them about it - even Bumble doesn't know that there will be a surprise😉

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45-5pm. If you and your child are happy to do so, f Feel free to drop them off and pick up later on. Please provide us with your contact details should we need to get in touch with you. Between parents, grandparents, aunts etc, there will be There will be plenty of responsible adults keeping their eyes on all of them. Though you are more than welcome to stay if you prefer want to.

If your child can't attend, even if they wake up sick on the day, please let us know so Bumble can invite another friend. We don't want her to have an empty birthday table!

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue (2 minutes walking) and runs every 10 minutes. If you are considering declining due to transport issues, please let us know so we can arrange pick ups/drop offs if you are happy with this. We are also arranging drop offs and pick ups, if that's easier for you. Let us know if you can offer or need a lift

Back of invite:
Name:
Yes - I'd love to come
No - Sorry I can't come
Parent name and contact number:
Psssttt....parents! There will also be a surprise activity on the day, without giving too many details away it will involve running round in the dark and bright flashing lights, if this isn't suitable for your child please let us know in advance, but please don't tell them about it - even Bumble doesn't know that there will be a surprise

I was worried if I didn't mention laser quest something might happen and the parents would have a go at me as they didn't know that was part of the party.

That ends up as a more friendly, less pfaffy and demanding/patronising

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45-5pm. - Feel free to drop them off and pick up later on. There will be plenty of responsible adults keeping their eyes on all of them. Though you are more than welcome to stay if you want to.

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue We are also arranging drop offs and pick ups, if that's easier for you. Let us know if you can offer or need a lift.

Back of invite:
Name:
Yes - I'd love to come
No - Sorry I can't come
Parent name and contact number:
Psssttt....parents! There will also be a surprise activity on the day, without giving too many details away it will involve running round in the dark and bright flashing lights, if this isn't suitable for your child please let us know, but please don't tell them about it - even Bumble doesn't know that there will be a surprise

What a load of bumf for a kids party invite. Drop the waffle about not wanting an empty party table, contact derails and the bus info. I’m sure the parents can Google if they can’t drive.

For 9/10 year olds drop the ‘you can leave if you want’, I don’t know anyone that would assume that had to stay at that age! It’s not like you have to take them to the toilet or they might cry when their mum goes.

If you really want it to be a surprise and you say you're going to hand the invites to the parents directly, couldn't you mention it to them in person instead? I agree you should tell them, just in case there's some good reason it's not okay for their child.

Actually I’ve just read it’s a 5th birthday party. The 9/10 year olds won’t come sorry!

I'd reduce it down a bit.

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

Please join us at VENUE for a soft play session and birthday meal on DATE at 2pm

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45-5pm. Parents welcome to stay or drop off, entirely up to you!

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue (2 minutes walking) and runs every 10 minutes. We can arrange pick up/drop off or car sharing if transport will be an issue, please just let me know.

Back of invite:
Name:
Yes - I'd love to come
No - Sorry I can't come
Parent name and contact number:
Psssttt....parents! There will also be a surprise activity on the day, involving running round in the dark and bright flashing lights. If this isn't suitable for your child, please let us know in advance. Please don't tell your child about it - even Bumble doesn't know that there will be a surprise😉

I would add
Please can you let me know by DATE as the venue requires numbers by then

Or something along those lines.

Honestly it is a bit long. All you need is:

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

Please join us at VENUE for a soft play session and birthday meal on DATE 2-4.45pm. Parents welcome to stay or to drop off.

VENUE Address

RSVP by to

---

When people RSVP I would text back to ask about laser quest being ok.

Frosty
I'm getting the cards printed so it will be 1 standard message for every one.
The 9/10 year olds have been to the soft play with us and DD before and liked it so I hope theyll come :( The party guests range from age 5 (friends at school) 6&7 (friends from extra curriculars) then the 9 and 10 year old (and their 7 year old sister) who live on our street.

Good grief. Sorry op, I think it's awful. It's a 5 year olds party invite not a essay writing exercise. Anyone who intends making the effort to take their child will be more than capable of finding out bus times themselves

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

VENUE: X (including address if not well known)
Date & Time: DATE 2pm-5pm
Soft play session and birthday meal

If you will be dropping your child off, please leave your mobile number with me before leaving. Parents are welcome to stay too though!

If you need a lift, let me know and I will arrange a car share. Please RSVP to me on X NUMBER by X DATE as we need final numbers for the venue. Also, if your child has any sensitivity to bright flashing lights, let me know in advance.

Is it sad that I didn't work out that it was Laserquest?!

Disagree with the majority here. It's not a thesis, but it's all helpful and relevant information. Some superfluous, but so what? You'll be handing them to parents with a smile and a message. No one receiving it will do an audit on their time spent reading it.

So I think I'm going to go with the below:

You're invited to Bumble Bear Junior's 5th birthday party!

Please join us at VENUE for a soft play session and birthday meal on DATE at 2pm

The party begins at 2pm and ends at 4:45pm. Parents welcome to stay or drop off, entirely up to you!

VENUE Address

The 111 bus from Generic Road stops almost right outside the venue (2 minutes walking) and runs every 10 minutes. We can arrange pick up/drop off if transport will be an issue, please just let me know.
RSVP by text by DATE to ME or DP as the venue requires final numbers by then.

Then when people RSVP I will text back to ask about laser quest being okay and tell them it's a surprise, then no chance of kids finding out.

Yes, Nike. Sorry. There isn't a 9/10 year old who isn't also fully aware of laserquest for birthday parties, op. Tbh I wouldn't mix 4/5 and 9/10 yos at that kind of activity, there will be accidents.

Flying were not doing a venue hire, so there will be older children in there anyway presumably.

I like Hopeful wording, says all it needs to. Does the party place not give you generic invites with their details on to just add name etc to?