To not lend my brother anymore money

[sophie2828]

I say lend but it's more give as I don't get it back nor expect to.

He has just turned 18, doesn't work. He quit college a few months after starting at 17 and since then has had 3 jobs and has been fired from all 3. The first two was because he claims the managers didn't like him (probably due to the fact he was always late and has a problem with people in authority) the third job he was let go as he wasn't meeting his targets (it was in a factory)

He says he is waiting for a call back regarding marine engineering in the navy, but he's been saying this for months. I've told him he needs to get a job in the mean time to earn some money and incase this doesn't work out. He said that he has been applying for loads of jobs but no one was requested and interview as of yet. I redid his CV for him and applied for jobs on his behalf but he seems to think every job I apply him for is rubbish and beneath him. I applied for him as a kitchen porter which he was invited to attend an interview for, however he refused to go as says it's a rubbish job and he wouldn't do it.

He lives with my mum (she works full time but has 3 younger children so money is tight) he isn't receiving any benefits and my mum gives him around £20 a week. He is constantly asking for more. He will ask me every week if I can lend him money and usually I will give in and say yes and give him the odd £20 here and there. He mostly spends it on clothes and cigarettes, he refuses to wear unbranded clothes or trainers so money doesn't go very far with him (he spent his entire £200 Christmas money on one tracksuit)

My other brother (aged 14) had £70 left over in Christmas money which my oldest brother "burrowed" and is yet to give back (says he will pay him back when he has a job) which he spent on cigarettes and a new top.

My mum is pretty much useless when it comes to being harsh on him. If she has money she will give it to him and makes no real effort at helping him get a job. She is full of excuses for him if I bring it up with her. She says she allows him to take money from his younger siblings as in her words "if I say no he will just cause a fuss"

I gave him £30 in Christmas money 3 days ago (it was a late Christmas present as I was abroad). He then messaged me today asking for £20 as he says he owes his friend £10 and wants to go out tonight. I've said no and that instead he should focus on handing out his cv. Now my mum has phoned me up asking me to please lend him money as she "can't deal with the drama" aibu? I am more than happy to help him get a job but I resent just dishing out money, I'm fed up with the situation. I have got him interviews and he just declines to go so I don't see why I should be giving him more money.

God don't do it.

How is he going to get motivation for a job if he knows he will be bailed out whenever he likes.

Not only should you not do it, you should also demand every penny back too.

Dreadful behaviour, signing on is beneath him.

You have given enough you have to be cruel to be kind as another poster said.

Has he definitely applied to the Navy? Or is this just another excuse to not apply for other jobs?

If he has applied, and does get in, it might be just the thing to help him get over his problem with authority and wake him up to the value of a day's work. Quite a rude awakening it'll be, too. Could be the best option for someone like him.

Of course he has applied to the Navy, he hasn't got what the navy wants. And he certainly won't cope with taking orders from a commanding officer.

And as for you mum I would be telling her not to ask you again otherwise you will come around and course more drama then your brother by telling him exactly what he is and what she is by allowing him to continue to behave as he is.

Sorry HASN'T applied for the navy not HAS

I feel sorry for the 14 year old- he's had his money stolen by a bully. At least you, as an adult can, and should say No.

Stop enabling him. It won't be pretty but it's for the best in the long run.

He isn't your responsibility
He is costing more in council tax if he isn't studying so has to pay for that
If he doesn't have money he can't go out
Don't apply for him he has to find the motivation
Stop giving money.
Tell him he is an adult so his choice.

God help him at HMS Raleigh if he gets in the RN. If you're told to jump the answer is 'Yes Sir/Ma'am, how high?', as opposed to 'why' or it's beneath me'.

He is stealing from his younger siblings which is bloody horrible. Agree with PP who said make sure they have bank accounts and put their money in there to keep it safe.
And I would not give him a single penny. He needs to get a job to pay for his cigs and nights out and fancy clothes. He needs motivation for earning his own money in the form of no pocket money anymore.
He's young. Maybe an apprenticeship would suit him? Learning a trade on the job. Getting paid and learning. Still needs to have some sort of work ethic to succeed in this.

Although it's tempting, don't pay back the £70 he stole from his brother. One positive in this is that his brother will view him as a thief. This might shame him into sorting himself out.

The worst lesson his brother could learn is that if men steal from others firstly they get off scot-free and secondly some mug of a woman will turn up to pay off their victims.

You love him and want to help him - so stop giving him any money.

The worst lesson his either brother

What a vile little rat he is. You need to stop giving him any ever and ask your mum what the hell she is thinking letting him steal all his little brothers’ money.

He sounds like a freeloading slacker who needs a lesson in the real world.

Tell your mum that if he kick off to ignore it and send him in your direction. Then you tell him that you want your money back, get a job and start paying or you will sell his track suit.

This is a very similar situation to my step brother who has dropped out of school, and is bumming around doing as little as possible.

Stop enabling him OP!
You are doing him a massive disservice and this sort of attitude and behaviour from him should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago!

Just stop it.
It's not your problem to fix but you ARE making it worse every time you give him cash.

Why isn’t he receiving benefits if he isn’t working?

He'd get the cut anyway if he was turning down jobs because he thinks he is better than them!
He sounds like an entitled dick OP, and he is old enough to be standing on his own two feet! He needs to change his attitude as he'll get nowhere thinking he's better than everyone else. Maybe he needs to get off his arse and volunteer for the less fortunate and see people who are actually struggling to give him some bloody perspective!

For a start, he shouldn't be borrowing any more money, until he's paid back everything he owes, including the 70 to your other brother. Do you ever see money you lend him again?

He's not going to change, while your mum's a soft touch. What does he do to "make a fuss".

Whomever has raised this entitled shit is entirely to blame.

My mum is pretty much useless when it comes to being harsh on him. If she has money she will give it to him and makes no real effort at helping him get a job. She is full of excuses for him if I bring it up with her. She says she allows him to take money from his younger siblings as in her words "if I say no he will just cause a fuss"

Your mum is a proper shit parent. Sorry.

You're both enabling him. Stop now.

"And as for you mum I would be telling her not to ask you again otherwise you will come around and course more drama then your brother by telling him exactly what he is and what she is by allowing him to continue to behave as he is"

Have you ever intervened op? Stormed in and given him shot shrift? Maybe now's the time. Your brother sounds like he needs an authority figure he can respect, to help him wise up. It sounds like he has no respect for your mum atm.

Don't lend him the money - it will go on forever until you and your Mum start to say no.

Your younger brothers need to be protected from him, stealing from them should not be an option.