Disabled parents - will they refer us to Social Services

[Elephantgrey]

The other thread where the lady is concerned about her disabled friends pregnancy has made me panic.

Do disabled parents usually get referred to Social Services and have their ability to parent put under scrutiny? I am 20 weeks pregnant and both me and my husband have health problems.

I have been very anxious about how my disability will affect me during birth and have been referred to the perinatal mental health team. I have also been referred for physiotherapy as I am having more difficulty with walking during pregnancy.

I am worried that if I tell them about my worries then they will see me as an unfit mother.

I do really need the support with pregnancy and my time in hospital but after that I think it is unlikely that I will need any extra support.

We thought long and hard about having a baby and would not have brought a child into the world if we thought we couldn't care for it.

Please dont panic about being a disabled parent, there are loads of us. SS aren't routinely involved. All staff need to establish is that you aren't a risk to your child, and to see if you need extra support. If you dont need it they arent intrusive.
You can imagine the public outcry if they didnt do their job.

There were lots of comments about disabled parents on that thread, but the OP was talking about a woman who has such a severe mental impairment she needs a carer for everyday tasks.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I'm severely visually impaired and deaf. I wasn't referred to SS, and no one suggested doing so at any point. In my first pregnancy, I got referred to the consultant (rather than midwife) for assessment about whether a consultant was required at delivery (he/she wasn't).

I chose to have (pay for) a doula to be present during birth in case I had any communication issues. I don't think it was necessary in the end, but I found having one reassuring, and it took pressure off DH, so that worked out well for us.

It's unlikely unless there are any specific concerns. For example if you were a lone parent with quite a significant physical disability which would impact on you physically being able to care for a baby (e.g. nappy changes) and also had no support.

Your midwife should have explained at your booking appointment though if she thought there may be any need to refer to social services.

Please don't panic. I don't know the specifics of your situation but I have two debilitating conditions and was under a community midwife and having counselling for labour phobia. I can honestly say not one professional has been concerned about my ability to care for twins, or even asked if I'm coping to be honest, even though my health can be very bad.

Hopefully they will support you and signpost you for assistance - maybe contact Homestart in advance and get on their waiting list.

I'm disabled with mobility and other physical issues and I have never had any kind of social services input.

I get where you're coming from though because I used to stress about whether I would be considered a fit mother too. I think it made me quite anxious and determined to be the perfect mother and do everything by the book. I would say beware of putting that kind of stress on yourself.

The only people who have questioned my parenting ability were my in laws. In retrospect they were absolutely bonkers: three kids under three, no family help and expecting my house to be in a showhome state at all times. I wish I had had mumsnet then for reassurance.

a) this is not a routine thing

b) Social Services are not just about scrutiny/checking that you are not a risk to your children: they are also about providing support in circumstances which are nothing to do with lack of parental competence.

With our disabled child, we asked for SS support and while there were limits to what they could do, they were very helpful in pointing us in the direction of services.

Thank you. Strangeandunusual it is good to hear that you have not had any problems. My disability is not as severe as yours.

I have told the midwife and consultant about my health conditions and they did not say they were going to refer me to social services. The Consultant did say I might need to start using mobility aids which I have tried before but it didn't help.

I am concerned that because I am seeing the mental health team that they might see me as not coping. I have also talked to the consultant and the midwife about the fact that I often have falls.

I also have mental health problems and am now seeing two psychiatrists on a neuropsychiatrist and one a perinatal one. Social Services are more likely to take children away from parents with mental health problems than some other disabilities.

My anxiety has got a lot worse since I got pregnant. I am at the stage where is hard to tell what is me being paranoid and what is likely to happen.

I have to say, a lot of the posters on that other thread clearly knew the square root of feck all about disabilities and also SS procedures so please don’t panic.

hatgirl do you work for social services. I am not a single parent. I can change a nappy and do most aspects of baby care but I would find it difficult to carry the baby. I am planning to use a sling.

Social services are there to support you, not demonise you.

OP I didn't have any disabilities whilst pregnant. But now I'm classified as 'disabled' (I get pip enhanced ESA), I have a physical disability because of an injury and I've since been diagnosed with bipolar, so a mental health issue.

At no point has ss been informed or involved. I know you are asking about pregnancy but just thought I'd tell you about my situation.

Congratulations

Elephant I needed to use a sling to carry my baby upstairs, because I pull myself up with the bannister, and brought him downstairs on my bottom. Even short journeys, for instance between my parked car and playgroup, I would pop him in his buggy rather than carry him because I am unsteady on my feet. I had to find work arounds for bathing and changing him. I found clothes that were easy to put on him. When he was toddling I had him on reins if I took him out on my own.

It was all absolutely fine (though friends who carried him remarked how he kept a good grip on them like a baby monkey ). I think having him was actually quite positive for me physically; I got stronger from lugging this gradually increasing little bundle around and I walked more because it's much easier to walk pushing a buggy.

Hopefully you should be referred to all agencies that may be able to offer you support. In my experience as a midwife working with vulnerable women, the people who raised most concern were those who avoided contact with professionals and hid their difficulties ( usually unsuccessfully).

I would imagine you will get most input from the perinatal mental health midwife and your health visitor. It may be helpful to ask for an OT assessment to see if they can suggest any useful house adaptations and a physio assessment to check if there is anything to be done to maximise your mobility.

Best wishes and please don’t let this issue add to your anxieties.

I tried to leave my son in NICU (didn't think he was a real baby), was diagnosed with PTSD (from an old trauma), severe PnD and a couple of other mental health issues when he was 8 weeks old. No one called Social Services or even questioned my ability to parent. I'm pregnant again and no one has mentioned SS this time either.

I think having support from family and friends, seeking help and engaging counts for a lot.

Yes I work for social services but in adult services not children's services.

The only parents with disabilities I work with are under social services because the have chosen to refer themselves for additional support to make their lives easier.

So for example they may be assessed for OT assessments to get equipment for the house or for a small amount of personal care.

I've worked with single parents who have developed severe disabilities (MS, MND etc) to put in a full care package that includes stuff like putting tea in the oven for children and getting their clothes ready for school the next day. The only reason those parents had anything to do with children's services was because they consented to me making a referral so that they could access support for the children as young carers.

I really don't think you have anything worry about.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I have a physical disability and asked social services for help when my child was a baby. They were absolutely brilliant, helped me in a practical way and then bowed out when I no longer needed help.

I am a single mum to two boys and I suffer from life long mental illness hat I obviously had during pregnancy as well. SS was never mentioned ever.

I can understand why the other thread might have worried you but that lady has a severe learning disability, which is a totally different thing.

Please try not to worry

Please try not to worry. You sound completely different to the lady in the other thread. I have dyspraxia, pnd and PTSD and social services aren't remotely interested in me.

Tinkly going down the stairs on my bottom and using the pram is what I was planning to do and it's good that it has worked for you and your son. He sounds so cute with his monkey grip.

Matilda I have been very open about the challenges I have because I do need some support. I keep having moments of panic because I am scared that it could be used against me. I am having a physio assessment. I have seen an OT in the past and it was really helpful.

hatgirl it is good to hear that people actually do get help with being a parent rather than just having their children taken away.

Dinosaur that must have been such a difficult time for you. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

It does help to hear that other parents are doing well and no one has referred them to social services.

I’m physically disabled and no social service involvement. Interestingly I did get funding for nursery hours for my toddlers on top of what we pay for though

I'm disabled, physically. Lacking in height with pretty useless limbs.
I haven't been referred to SS and never been offered any involvement.

You will find your way and manage, your baby will adapt to how you do things because they won't ever know any different.

As someone else said the only people who ever doubted my ability were so called family. They were convinced I would drop by DC, yet despite DC being really large and heavy, I never dropped DC. 4 years and we're still going strong without help, and had less incidents than parents I know without disabilities.

Congratulations ❤