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Original poster

To not return a friend's beautiful ornaments?

24 replies

mrsmootoo · 11/01/2018 09:01

I looked after two beautiful glass ornaments for an old friend while he worked abroad. I have had them on display at my home for about 15 years. We used to be very close (not romantically) and are still in touch - Xmas cards etc - but don't meet very often. I have mentioned the ornaments to him occasionally, but as I haven't actually seen him I have never got round to returning them. He has never raised the topic with me. I feel a bit guilty for keeping them, but I can't tell if he cares or if he's forgotten about them. Should I make an effort to give them back?

OP posts:
Facelikeaslappedarse · 11/01/2018 09:02

Ask him if he wants them.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 11/01/2018 09:03

Just keep them til he asks

LyraPotter · 11/01/2018 09:06

What has his response been when you mention them? Has he indicated that he would like them back? If so you probably have to return them. But if he is aware / remembering that you have them and has never asked about their return he may be happy knowing that you have them and love and enjoy them.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/01/2018 09:07

I would ask just out of my own guilt but equally if he hadn’t asked I think you’re ok as long as you are prepared to give them to him when he asks.

GladysKnight · 11/01/2018 09:08

Carry on looking after them till he wants them. He knows where they are!

Wheelywheel · 11/01/2018 09:09

You've had them for 15 years, why the sudden rush to give them back? I'd stop mentioning it and wait until they ask.

Out if interest, what have they said when you mentioned them?

MonumentalAlabaster · 11/01/2018 09:22

You have reminded him at intervals which I think is sufficient to demonstrate you are ready to return them to him whenever he wants them. In the meantime, if you like them you can continue to get pleasure out of displaying them in your own home.

Is it possible his taste has changed and perhaps he likes them less than he used to?

SkyIsTooHigh · 11/01/2018 09:34

Ask explicitly one more time and get a yes or no.

Then if you do get to keep them you can stop feeling guilty, and if you have to give them back you will know you've done the right thing and can replace with something similar guilt free.

It seems a bit underhand to just keep quiet. They're not properly yours until you have his permission to keep them.

blueskyinmarch · 11/01/2018 09:45

I imagine he hasn't given them a moments thought. It is not underhand to not mention them- he hasn't mentioned them either. I would just hang on to them and continue to enjoy them until he asks for them back (which i suspect will be never).

specialsubject · 11/01/2018 09:47

He's probably forgotten. Moving around means you have to get minimal on possessions.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 11/01/2018 09:47

Don’t keep quiet.

Ask him once (clearly. Not just hinting or mentioning) and accept his answer.

I the says that you can keep them you have the pleasure of knowing that you’re the rightful owner of these beautiful ornaments :)!

FreddieClaryHorshieLion · 11/01/2018 09:47

*If he says...

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 11/01/2018 10:00

Yes, I agree with Freddy. Ask once, then it's off your plate, otherwise you'll be left in limbo.

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 11/01/2018 10:02

Sell them and invest the money in bitcoin.

nutnerk · 11/01/2018 10:05

This sounds a bit weird.. have they got cocaine stashed in the bottoms?

MiddleClassProblem · 11/01/2018 10:12

Is he back now? I can’t tell from your op if he’s still abroad

Shortfatandangry · 11/01/2018 10:12

Could it be that he didn't want to gift them to you initially in case you declined out of politeness, so asked you to 'look after them' instead but never intended to retrieve them?

MonumentalAlabaster · 11/01/2018 10:18

Shortfatandangry that could be the case.
Are they very valuable OP?

StormTreader · 11/01/2018 10:25

I have mentioned the ornaments to him occasionally, but as I haven't actually seen him I have never got round to returning them. He has never raised the topic with me.

Youve not kept quiet in the hope he would forget, and he isnt messaging you asking for them back. I'd say youre perfectly fine to keep them until he asks for them.

Jassylaunderette · 11/01/2018 10:27

Just ask him. He may not want them back after so much time has elapsed, but it would put your mind at ease to check and know once and for all/

FizzyGreenWater · 11/01/2018 10:37

One person's beautiful glass ornament is another person's grotesque monstrosity Grin

If you've mentioned them and there has been no enthusiastic 'oh yes, I will pick them up next month/can you pack and send' then he may be lying low!

twofingerstoEverything · 11/01/2018 10:38

I think the value is important to your decision. If they're Lalique or similar, it would be very wrong to keep them IMO and you should insist on returning them to him. If they're just 'nice', but don't have much value, that's a different ballgame.
What if they got broken?

GammaDelta · 11/01/2018 10:54

Your friend might be uncomfortable in asking for these ornaments i would silk n offer to return.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/01/2018 11:21

Ask him if he still wants them. That's the decent thing to do.

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