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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wibu to take a step back from him?

6 replies

loveconundrum · 10/01/2018 20:13

I met a guy about 2 months ago, really hit it off right from the start. Had loads in common, great chemistry, he just seems a great catch all round.

Unfortunately about 3 weeks after we met he had to leave the country for work and is going to be away for the next 4 months ish. We agreed that we would both stay single and free to see other people but that we would stay in touch and potentially get together when he gets back. We talk every day and he is still quite affectionate, sends me little videos and pics to show me where he is and what he is up to which helps me feel like we aren't quite so far apart.

I'm just getting worried now because I really like this guy. Really, really like him. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. My heart leaps when I see that I have a message from him. I'm scared because I feel really strongly for him and I'm not sure if he feels the same. I don't want to come on to strong and freak him out but I just can't stop thinking about him! I get really down when I don't hear from him for a while (although I know he is at work and busy so I don't expect him to be messaging me 24/7) and I'm really worried he is going to meet someone else or lose interest in me before he comes back.

I realise a lot of this is my own insecurities talking. I think its just that I've never been in a situation where my prospective love interest is so far away and I can't see him. Tbh I hate it and can't wait for him to come back.

WIBU to try and take a step back from him, not message him as much and maybe just try to distract myself a bit so I don't miss him so much? Or would be then think I'VE lost interest? Don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 10/01/2018 20:18

No, tell him how you feel and see if he wants to a long distance relationship and you take up where you left off when he gets back.

loveconundrum · 10/01/2018 20:24

I know talking to him and telling him how I feel is the intelligent, grown up thing to do. I'm just scared of the outcome of that conversation! I don't want to be seen as the crazy stalker thats super into him after only seeing him for 3 weeks (at the time when he left) if he is only thinking of me as a casual thing, or worse. Basically I just don't want to frighten him off.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 10/01/2018 21:26

If you don't ask, you don't get. That's the only way to make sure he doesn't get with anyone else, or will give you your answer and you can look for someone else that does want the same, if he doesn't. Life is too short for messing about!

ApproachingATunnel · 10/01/2018 21:34

For all you know he might be feeling exactly the same so no, don’t go cold on him but instead let this develop naturally... you never know and he sounds lovely!

sharkirasharkira · 11/01/2018 12:38

Well, I did bite the bullet and told him how I feel. Life is too short to play games and I figured that at the very least if he was scared off I would know what I'm dealing with and can move on from there!

He said he feels the same Grin

I know its only a few months in the whole scheme of things so I just have to be patient, its just hard to do when I miss him so much.

Think I just need to work on getting out of my own head and stop worrying/overthinking. I'm just too bloody emotional!

Eliza9917 · 11/01/2018 12:57

oooh congrats Grin

FWIW I met DP and had put an offer in on a house near his, 1.5-2 hrs away, 3.5m after meeting. That was 3 yrs ago and now we're getting married so moving quickly can work well.

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