To stop attaching personal values to purchases

[StylishMummy]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm an impulse shopper and a very emotional shopper. Last week I had some bad news about my pregnancy and as soon as I got home I jumped online and started scouring websites for 'stuff' to buy. Then I had a bit of an epiphany and was like 'what the hell am I doing?!'.

We're going to be incredibly tight money-wise when DC2 arrives and they're likely to require a lengthy NICU stay, which is a huge financial drain (DC1 was in for 2months costing £3,000 in parking, food, transport etc). We can't afford this and should be stock piling savings, not spending money!

This has lead me to analyse my purchasing habits over the last few months and I'm horrified to find I've spent nearly £2k on shite! If I find something I like I don't just get one, I end up amassing a collection. I've been sorting stuff to sell and have already raised £500 which I'm really proud of, but the urge to jump online and spend is constant. I feel pathetic and very silly but if anyone has any strategies to combat this, or success stories for overcoming this type of compulsion, I'd love to get some inspiration.

I get a "high" from an impulse shop. It fades long before the parcels arrive. One thing that has helped stop me from impulse buying is to keep my paypal account empty, turn off one-click ordering on Amazon, and basically make it just that little bit harder to buy something at the touch of a button.

Well done on selling your excess - keep on saving! I'm sorry about your baby and I hope everything turns out well.

Is it a form of control, do you think? You can't control X but you can control what you buy.

Could you transfer your activity to just choosing stuff but not buying? Make a mood board for a room to be decorated or a new design for the garden etc. Throw your energy into researching something instead of spending money.

Best wishes for DC2.

I've deleted amazon app altogether, as well as removing credit card from PayPal and stopped saving card details etc, but it's like a constant itch, and I find myself justifying these purchases. When they arrive I get a rush then guilt sets in, I'm trying to focus on this to stop in the first place but it's so hard, I'm on bed rest so having to fill my time somehow

Omg I have recently done this!! Checked bank to find it a bit short, back tracked all my purchases, then remembered I had booked a holiday in a dark mood and totally forgot I had done it! Hasn't even told dh!

We've booked and fully paid up 3 UK holidays/weekends away for later in the year and the spending money for these is already in a separate account, so I have no reason to be looking for other holidays, but I still spent an hour on the sodding TUI website.

I think control forms a huge part of it as the timing and circumstances for DC2s birth are so unknown. We have literally everything we need, but I just can't stop thinking of what I can buy. I hate myself for it

Please don't hate yourself - it's not your fault we are bombarded constantly with advertisements and the idea that happiness is just one purchase away!

Have you tried Pinterest boards? I sometimes find that 'shopping' for pins satisfies the urge to spend. Other than that I think you're doing the right thing deleting apps etc - it helps if the temptation isn't right there.

Best of luck when your daughter arrives, I hope it all works out ok x

Have you looked at your diet? It might be a form of high you get from wheat or caffeine and or alcohol! If you started eating more fresh foods and rye bread you might get a relief from the urges!!

Quarantine your shopping lists. Buy groceries, but anything else, write it down with a date, revisit in 4 weeks' time. Most of the time you will cross it off then.

I do this - I think I've got much better, but in many ways I haven't.

Writing things down I find really useful - so when I get the urge to buy anything, I write a list of what I want with the caveat that if I still want it in a month I can have it. It really helps getting things out of my system, and i rarely if ever go back to look at the list.

Embracing "minimalist" and low waste principles really helped me make changes a few years ago. I'm not a minimalist or zero waster by any means, but it has helped me get a grip on spending, change my focus on consumption - it inspired many small changes that have all added up, rather than any big radical change. Still its impact has been meaningful.

We are moving from a 1 bed flat, to a 3 bed house soon and I do need to buy things - I've found that this has absolutely triggered all my bad old behaviours, responses and habits - so I know I have changed. I'm really trying very hard to only buy new things I completely love and need, but it is hard. The stress of the process is being exasperated by the lurch back towards old ways of coping VS the new me trying to say NO, slow down, hang on, is that what you really need, just wait. Its an exhausting and continuous dialogue.

I'm on bed rest so having to fill my time somehow

have you tried audio books? I signed up using my local library membership and get loads free. There are all 5 "Girl with Dragon Tattoo" books and the Harry Potter series to keep your mind occupied.

there is a massive degree of compulsion around internet/phone shopping. I've really noticed it recently with looking for beds/sofas etc online. I dislike it immensely. I feel like I've been "taken over" again.
Its both a distraction from the stressful sale process, and an aggression/stressor in its own right.

Also try breathing in through your nose to the count of 3 hold the breath for 4 and let it out to the count of 5. You could try using lavender ess oil to relax you too. At the same time.

I am also like this. Was doing really well with controlling it until we moved house a few months ago. I've had to buy stuff for the house but I've got no impulse control at all on it. My financial situation is ok but a bit shaky mid to long term.
I am fed up at the moment and that does make me worse with the shopping. On the upside I used to shop like this for clothes, now it's house stuff, 2 thirds of which we do need and as the house is now looking reasonable Im hoping my need to just buy stuff will reduce...

Find something else to replace that high. This is going to sound really lame, but I get a similar high when I start a new knitting project or have a new idea for things to put in my bullet journal. Both those things are enjoyable, a bit creative, always new, and can be done from your bed. They can also involve new purchases (a ball of wool, a new pen) but those can be very cheap!

I can tend to be a bit like this, especially if what I buy I perceive as a bargain
I have however got much better about returning things to the point I won’t shop online unless return is free and easy
I spend a couple of weeks deciding what to keep, and my recent credit card statements show 3/4 of things get sent back!
I also get my own personal high by buying things cheaply sometimes high st, but frequently car boot or charity shop, I then wear or use a few times and aim to sell for a profit
Last year this paid for 2 holidays and all the Xmas presents and other expenses

Try placing things in the basket but don't check out - you'll realise the next day that you have no idea what you put on the basket! So you don't really want it.

Another ploy is to think of something big you'd love to buy or do ..... and aim to save twice it's value .... so you'd only spend half your savings on the item

I find Pinterest helps. The act of putting something on my board feels a bit like I've acquired it. But I haven't actually spent any money.

Put the Tablet/phone/laptop away. Allow yourself one hour per day for surfing and then put it away, switch the Wi-fi off.

Listen to a podcast, read a book, watch TV, take up knitting, go for a run, swim, join a French class, do a jigsaw, have sex, meet a friend for a walk, anything anything anything to keep your fingers/mind occupied and away from Amazon.
(I am currently doing this as I am try to do a bit of a digital detox - currently using my one hour a day to reply to this!!). I feel so much better for it already (one week).

If the high fades before the package arrives, can you just send it back for a refund? Doesn't help the actual problem, but might save you some money!

90% of things that have arrived in the last month have been sent back but then it's wasting money on delivery and returns etc.

It's more getting to the root of the problem and how to stop relying on shopping to 'feel good'. It's a scary thing to realise that I get a buzz from something so basic, it's not healthy and I'm secretly ashamed.

I buy something and form an image in my head, a new handbag where I suddenly become 'the woman down the road with the nice bag' or a new outfit for DC2 because they can't be solely dressed in DC1's hand me downs. Or I buy DH some sunglasses because I want him to have nice things. It's endless

You might find this subreddit really helpful OP www.reddit.com/r/shoppingaddiction/

I browse the makeuprehab one as I spend CRAZY amounts on it (I must have £2k easily amassed over the years) and it's really helped me to change my thinking and stop spending for the sake of it!

As pp mentioned, try creating mood boards on Pinterest. It can give the same thrill of hunting for the 'thing'. I've 'spent' several millions on house redecoration projects, far-away holidays, fashion wardrobes, garden ideas without spending a penny.

I'm like this with books. I have a very strong compulsion to buy them. As a writer I feel I'm justified in it though.

Pokemon cards on the other hand... ive amassed a collection and will happily spend £££ on a single card to make me feel better.