To ask you to tell me to pull myself together?

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

Last Wednesday I was unexpectedly diagnosed with total placenta previa. It's obviously not good news, and I have spent the last week panicking about bleeding (none yet), early labour, c-sections, general anaesthetics, transfusions, uncontrollable bleeding during a c-section, hysterectomies (very unlikely), a long hospital stay away from my 2 year old... all the worst things the consultant said to me last week.

I have been signed off work (am 33 weeks pregnant) which I think is the right thing but it is leaving me way too much time to think. But physically I am not capable of doing very much. When I am not tired / hormonal, I seem to be ok. But as soon as I get tired, I get really frightened and start crying. Last night dh had to follow-up his 'it's all going to be ok' speech with a 'for goodness sake, pull yourself together' speech.

I'm afraid he is right - I really do need to pull myself together. I am being a total coward and I cannot go on like this for the next 6 weeks. I know people go through a lot worse, and I am actually really disappointed in myself for my reaction to this.

Can you please (gently) tell me to get it together?

It must be a worry but you have to console yourself with the fact that you are fully aware of what signs to look for if anything goes awry and you can whip yourself into hospital at the first hint of a problem.

Oh and don't/stop googling!

I'm sure you'll be ok xx

Stop googling that should be!

I have stopped googling - I scared myself stupid for the first 24 hours and then stopped! I've bought a book on c-sections to read - although unfortunately it seems to focus on elective / relatively straight forward c-sections - so I can ask the consultant the right questions and understand the procedure. But I am off google!

I’m sorry you’re going through a worrying time. It helps me to focus on the statistics ie that the very vast majority of women with PP will be absolutely fine, and why shouldn’t you be in the vast majority. It’s so much more likely that you will be. It’s positive that it’s been identified, so that any symptoms can be spotted early etc Personally I find a written list helpful, to remind myself, if the worry is spiralling.

Plus a CS really isn’t the end of the world - I have a toddler as well as a really small baby. I was out of bed 7hrs after the CS for gentle walking, and was well enough to go home the next morning. Dealing with the toddler really was fine. I didn’t really have much pain.

Practically though I know how hard it is to stop your mind going back to it - ploughing through box sets and practicing some mindfulness to keep your thoughts away from the worry? Sort out your cupboards?! I’m doing the toy cupboard now .....

My last thought to myself is usually - worrying isn’t changing what will happen, what will be, will be, now stop thinking Sparky!

I hope you feel better.

Never google!

Good luck. At least you are aware.

I had an emergency c section it was fantastic going to have an elective c section next time! Don't worry about it. You need to know at this time it's all your hormones and you can't really fight that. Just be extra kind to yourself, long lay ins,nice meals and long baths, relax let nature do it's thing.

I found the headspace app which seems to be helping a bit - I am terrible at it but it still seems to have some kind of impact. And I am looking for box sets to watch.

And you're right - the amount of worry I am putting myself through isn't going to change a thing.

I had an emergency section btw and it was fine. Quite routine if I'm honest and the recovery was very quick despite a 45 hour labour preceding it 😩

If I were you, I would go on complete bed rest then have an elective caesarian at 36 weeks.

I don’t know if this will help but I had total placenta prévia and didn’t actually find out until my planned c section (which I had requested because my first birth was a long induction). I had been carrying on as normal throughout the pregnancy, scans at 12 and 20 weeks hadn’t picked it up. The day before my c section I was out doing the gardening...! I know that’s obviously not recommended (!) When the began the c section everyone was very shocked and it was all action stations and I did lose some blood but it was all dealt with incredibly quickly and I went on to recover completely and really well. I now have a healthy and happy 5 year old

So please don’t panic. You are in a good position because they know you have this and can plan for it and it isn’t that uncommon. You will be fine.

Just wanted to add, my situation was pretty serious as they didn’t even know I had it and I was still up and about within 24 hours of my section, I had two blood transfusions and was home within 5 days. Most people don’t stay in that long even with placenta problems.

That's really helpful Fairylea, thank you. Really reassuring. I keep telling myself that they know about it, and are all prepared to deal with it. It's good to know that your recovery wasn't too bad... one of the things that have been upsetting me the most has been not being able to do stuff with my toddler for a while.