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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To turn down a party invite for DD 11 that I’ve akready replied yes for

22 replies

Davespecifico · 10/01/2018 08:28

I’ve realised the party activity is too hard for her and she really doesn’t want to go and feel awkward and a bit humiliated.
Should I be honest about my real reasons for changing my mind, or make an excuse. DP says def make excuse as I’d be very odd to give real reason.
Only replied yesterday so prob not a concern for part booking.

OP posts:

BigGreenOlives · 10/01/2018 08:31

No need to humiliate her, just ring/text the other parent & say you got muddled with your diary & she can’t go after all.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 10/01/2018 08:33

Meh. She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to, but unless you're going to do a drip feed and tell us she has SEN or something: I'd say life is about sometimes feeling awkward when trying new things (and learning to push through that awkwardness and ending up feeling surprisingly proud of yourself). It's also about giving things a go, even when hard.

Original poster

Davespecifico · 10/01/2018 08:37

It’s an activity that you can only do if you already know how to do it. It was specified in the invite but I ploughed ahead with a yes without properly thinking about it.

OP posts:

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 10/01/2018 08:39

Is it something like ice-skating or horse-riding then? Seems a bit weird to have a party themed around an activity that requires special skills

Original poster

Davespecifico · 10/01/2018 08:43

Yes along those lines. No special skills, but advanced enough skills that some would struggle.

OP posts:

sirfredfredgeorge · 10/01/2018 08:49

Seems a bit weird to have a party themed around an activity that requires special skills

Swimming parties are common.

Did DD say yes? and is now saying no? Or did you say yes on her behalf? Either way, just tell the truth and decline because she doesn't want to do it - in choosing the activity that risk was understood - if you said yes without asking though you should say it was you getting it wrong and accepting though, so your DD doesn't look like she changed her mind.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 10/01/2018 08:53

I think if you said yes on her behalf without talking it through with her then you should try and limit any social fallout or embarrassment to her. If that means a 'muddled my diary excuse then go for it.

gingerclementine · 10/01/2018 08:59

Just contact them and apologise and say you got your dates mixed up - she's not free. No need to say why.
There's a big difference between putting yourself out there and learning new skills as part of life, and feeling publically humiliated and below par in a groupon a social occasion. Yes of course she should at some point try new things but a teenage skill-based party may not be the right environment in which to gain confidence.

diddl · 10/01/2018 09:00

So did she initially want to go or you accepted without asking her?

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 10/01/2018 09:09

if the hosts may have prepaid for the activity, I think you should offer to pay for your daughter's place. You should have thought more carefully before accepting the invitation and it's not fair for the hosts to be out of pocket

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2018 09:11

Why are you accepting invitations on behalf of your 11 year old anyway?

Surely she gets to make up her mind herself?

Idontdowindows · 10/01/2018 09:12

I don't think it's unreasonable to withdraw your daughter :) I vividly remember being a child, and hating birthday parties. The only good thing was that it was still very done to give books, so I'd end up in a corner with the birthday child's books and read them all.

So just say you made a mistake, she's not free, and save her the agony.

Maybe she'd like a good book? ;)

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2018 09:13

Is there any way she can learn the skill before the party?
It would be a shame to miss out on whatever the activity is, if all of her age group can do it.

The80sweregreat · 10/01/2018 09:24

Is it a climbing party? I hate heights, i would have hated anything like that aged 11!

Original poster

Davespecifico · 10/01/2018 09:28

I don’t think the host has paid for us as we were only just asked.
It is a skill she could learn and I’ve suggested it but she’d just rather not go.
Was my fault for not properly thinking things through.

OP posts:

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/01/2018 10:07

Is she likely to be the only one there who isn't skilled or had practice..? I wouldn't want to be at a party where everyone else knew exactly what they were doing, but if there's a mixture of abilities, it might be fun to learn?

JapaneseBirdPainting · 10/01/2018 10:14

Particularly at that age when if it is something that those who can do it are quite competitive (like horse riding, which was my 'thing' when young, but people at school got terribly bitchy about who was in what Pony club grade etc) then it would be miserable to be the less skilled one.

helenoftroyville · 10/01/2018 11:17

Just phone up and say you got the dates mixed up and she can't attend after all.
It won't make a difference as they will probably only confirm numbers with the venue on the rsvp date.

MrsJayy · 10/01/2018 11:20

Just contact the parent say sorry Dd can't go now we have something else that day so silly of me very sorry etc etc. No point sending her to something she would hate.

Royalcoronation · 10/01/2018 11:22

It is a skill she could learn and I’ve suggested it but she’d just rather not go.

Just say you go mixed up. It would be unfair to make her go to something she doesn't want to go to

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 10/01/2018 12:32

Just contact the parent say sorry Dd can't go now we have something else that day

Don't do that. It will appear that you've turned down the party because you had a better subsequent offer. I think best to be honest, that you thought this was something your DD would manage and enjoy, but having thought it over, you feel it's best if they offered the place to someone else. Invite the birthday child over to play at your house some other time

BertrandRussell · 10/01/2018 12:35

If it’s a party the skill required will be very basic- it will be geared up for absolute beginners.

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