Breast/formula

[Iolaus84]

I've just had my second child a few days ago and planned to breastfeed as I did with my other child, until he was 12 months. She has latched on well it appears but I am in so much pain that I've just given her a small amount of formula after trying to express on both sides. I guess there is no aibu but more of reassurance that I've made the right decision. I have been dreading her waking to feed because of the pain as when she was bottle feeding it was the first time we really looked at each other without me sobbing. I have had problems bonding as I didnt want to hold her in case she wanted to feed. I just don't know why it's so much harder this time. My dh thinks it's the right decision (he's worried about the bond too as I don't feel for her what I do for my boy yet). I just feel so guilty but also relieved. If my milk comes in tomorrow I might try and express and mix feed. Has anyone done this successfully?

Lots of people mix feed, it works better if you stick to replacing specific feeds with a formula feed rather than doing it randomly or offering top ups.

Giving some formula doesn't necessarily mean you have made a permanent decision one way or another. Don't feel like you have to decide anything if you don't want to.

You could also try nipple shields to see if they help with the pain.

Hey. My dc2 is 10 days old and i could have written this myself. I had horrific problems trying to bf dc1 and i wished i had gone to formula earlier as it robbed me of that bonding experience. I was so tense and dreaded feeding times.

I knew i was prone to problems again woth dc2 and always knew that i wouldn't prolong the agony like i did with dc1. After 3 days dc2 was on formula and was overcome with guilt. I was crying but every bottle i gave him was like another weight lifted off my shoulders. I started to savour all those feeds and just studied him and enjoyed him. I no longer sank my nails i to him (i didnt realise i was doing this) nor do i clench my teeth.

I tried to mix feed once milk came in but it was still too painful. My milk has almost dried up and im a little sad but relieved. I understand how you feel but lets not beat ourselves up over it. We are doing just fine with beautiful babies.

Congratulations and its slightly reassuring i am not the only one. Speak to midwives if you can get the support and La Leche. For me i couldnt manage the pain of 1 more bf. Xx

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, but it sounds like you’re doing an excellent job making sure you’re daughter is fed.

Nipple shields worked wonders for me, allowing me to keep feeding my ds during his first week, before we had his tongue tie snipped. I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it without them. He’s now 3 weeks old and I’m up feeding him with relative comfort. The Medela ones were recommended by the midwife we saw for his tongue. We didn’t have any trouble with ‘nipple confusion’ or switching back to not using them once they weren’t needed any more and he gained weight whilst I used them. I’m under no illusions that I’ve ‘cracked’ breastfeeding at only 3 weeks in - but I’m relieved to have got past that first hurdle.

I’ve got friends who mix fed successfuly for months, and others who made the switch to formula, and their babies are happy and healthy. You’ll find a way that works for you and you dd.

I mix fed successfully - I would BF during the day and one or two bottles at night. After a couple of months she was content with just BFing and I was happy to continue. I think a big part of this was giving myself permission to go with what worked - DS1 was FF after 5 weeks while I BFed DD1 for 2 years so knew she would be ok either way.

I did have mastitis and thrush which were both incredibly painful - if your pain doesn't subside speak to your midwife or health visitor to rule these out.

Hi I had my baby on Friday and I’m in the same position exactly.

Only difference I feel absolutely no guilt. I’ve been here before, with my first and nearly gave myself a breakdown when I went to formula through guilt. He’s now 11 and I look back and wonder what horrors I thought might happen if he stopped receiving breast milk. The truth is, absolutely nothing. He thrived, as did my next child who went straight to formula.

This time I decided to combi feed. I pump when not in too much pain and offer that and formula the rest of the time. I also got a prescription of domperidome from my doctor to increase my supply and so far so good. Breast when I feel up to it, formula when I don’t. I feel happy and relaxed and baby is also happy, relaxed and thriving.

I know much of this is how I feel personally about feeding methods. I am at peace with it whereas if breast feeding really is important to a mother, like it was for me first time then it might not be the best choice.

What I am trying to say is give yourself permission to enjoy your baby. If you can use a pump to provide breast milk then that may help you to feel ok about topping up with formula. Direct breast feeding has always been bloody painful for me so I understand how this can affect you emotionally when baby wants to be on you continually. Try to enjoy your baby, it is a special time. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself and congratulations

Yes I mix fed both DC. Mainly Formula and some breast milk which I expressed for the first few weeks. Bottle feeding much more bonding experience for me than battling to breastfeed in pain and with a baby losing too much weight.

You’re doing nothing wrong at all!

As others have said, nipple shields can be great and I would definitely see someone to check for tongue tie. Both of mine had them and once they were sorted it made a world of difference.

Have you had baby checked for a tongue tie? My DD was 75% TT (posterior and anterior).... posterior ones are harder to spot and was missed for the first month by both the MWs, HV and Lactation consultant! Hurt like buggery to feed her!!! But it got better eventually and we BF for 3 years.....I would say you are such early days and your milk may not have fully come in yet - it's not unusual to hurt a lot to begin with (have you had the latch checked?). MWs often promote they myth that if it hurts then something's wrong... IMO it can just bloody hurt anyway until your nipples sort of toughen up! Hang in there if you want to keep going, but please don't feel it's the end of the world to mix feed. Any breastmilk is a good thing. Try and take it one feed at a time right now. Good luck

If you do go down the route of bottle feeding then this is a cracking good read!

www.feedsleepbond.com/lactation-consultants-guide-bottle-feeding/

As long as your baby is fed it is fine OP.

Honestly.

I look at my happy, healthy kid now and can't believe I wasted so many tears over giving him formula.

I read that article but I don’t recognise that as my experience of bottle feeding nor anyone I know. I don’t know anyone that uses free flow teats ‘pouring’ formula down their babies necks, forcing them to finish as they struggle not to drown
I think a lot of guilt surrounding formula is this silly image we have of what formula feeding is actually like for the majority.

Gentle slow flow tests that baby needs to work at, sitting upright and feeding on demand. Breaking free when they’ve had enough and mum being fine with that (rubbish in the article that formula fed babies don’t recognise when they have had enough) and mum and baby being close, often skin to skin and gazing into each other’s eyes.

It’s lovely to breast feed but if you want to move to bottle it can be a lovely, close and gentle way to feed too. Don’t let stigma spoil this special time.

Can you get to a breastfeeding support group? I've had trouble latching my week old second ds but my positioning was out
... had it checked yesterday. We are starting to get there but I still have to bite down on something for ten seconds when he latches.

Don't feel a failure lovely but do try and get some support. They will be able to advise on mixed feeding too xx

That article made me laugh. Every baby i know who was bottle feed including dd controlled the feed themselves. I found bottle feeding the best for me and had amazing bond with dd from day one because of that and dd bonded with dh from day 1 too. As we were both able to sort of sleep we were more relaxed. However everyone is different. I know some mums who found breast feeding worked as well for them as bottle did for me. All matters is your newborn is feed. Enjoy her and congratulations xxx

My first was so so painful to breastfeed. As your first DC were not painful I can see why you will be reaching for the formula. But it's so normal for it to be so painful. Mine was comparable with labour pains. I would cry in genuine pain at each feed.....
But it only lasted 3 weeks. After that it was easy and I was so glad to continue.
I hope my experience helps you to continue.

Feed formula if you like. Ignore people who try to push you into breastfeeding to suit their own agenda. Do whatever makes you happy and if FF makes you happier then go for it!

There are advantages to FF too for example when your baby goes off to childminder or nursery you won't be stuck worrying about them not taking a bottle/losing your supply. You don't need to give them a vitamin if they're getting formula. No battles with mastitis, no tears, just a thriving healthy baby getting everything they need.

I was in agony trying to feed my first one. Gave him formula and we never looked back. Not sure that my milk even came in because I didn't have any of the discomfort that I had with my second one when it happened.

What a ridiculously patronising article. Breast feed or formula feed. What’s important is that you’re feeding your baby. My baby had the had a drop of breast milk and I feel no guilt!

I had to feed DC1 formula at first but once I established feeding I managed to solely breastfeed for 2 years (occasional formula feeding as I hated expressing) - have you thought about a breastfeeding group or lactation consultant? That's if you are wanting to breastfeed?

It's perfectly okay if you don't want to and just remember that you are important too - your older child needs you as well so just ensure that you are kind to yourself!!

I hate that we have to say this so many times, but as long as your baby is being fed, that's all that matters. Crying in pain and dreading feeds isn't good for you or baby. Enjoy this time, and if that means more formula feeding, don't feel an ounce of guilt.

Congrats!

Congratulations on your baby!!!

Sorry you're having a rough time though, it's so hard in the early days and when breast feeding is painful everything is pretty miserable. I had my son assessed for tongue tie at 7 days old because feeding was excruciating and he was found to have a really severe one which I had cut at 9 days old.

My son is 21 weeks now and for various reasons over the last months I've considered changing to formula SO many times but I'm also told "not give up on a bad day" so I wait for the bad times to pass and then reassess the situation.

Mixed feeding does not mean the end of breast feeding so please don't feel guilty about doing it whilst you address any problems you may be having.

Seek professional support to assess and help you with your feeding and then just make whatever decision is best for you both

You're doing everything right. Baby needs to be fed and you're feeding her. Don't torture yourself with breast feeding. Having a mummy who wants to snuggle her is far more important than the small advantages breast feeding brings. If you can combi feed when/if your milk comes in then that's great but don't beat yourself up over it.

You’re doing a great job :)

If you want to continue then seek out every bit of help you can. Midwives are the place to start. Have you tried lansinoh cream? It’s bloody brilliant. Also, go for reusable breast pads as they are more gentle on your poor buggered nipples. I combi fed mine until diagnosed with CMPA and switched to formula full time.

I remember how hard and dark those days were. I used to lock myself in the bathroom every time my baby made a noise in case they needed feeding. I cried with every feed and was in agony. I sent whatsapp pictures of my nipples to mum friends to see if it was normal. I’m not the kind to send pics of my boobs to anyone. It was desperate.

I didn’t get help and regret not doing that. IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE, SEEK HELP- that’s very important.

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE- DO NOT FEEL ANY GUILT- this is also VERY important.

Enjoy your newborn days whatever way you do it. No one should be that sad. You’re doing a fab job.

I didn't post that article to patronize anybody.... it's written by a lactation consultant so she is a highly qualified professional.

The main things she is trying to say is that bottle feeding should be approached the same way as BF, i.e. A slow and baby led process. She's not saying FF isn't like that - that's the point, she's saying that it can be entirely like that.

Unfortunately I have witnessed things when I worked in HV like parents propping their babies up in bouncy chairs with a bottle in their mouth and going off to do something else, leaving them to it. So it does happen.

It was just supposed to be helpful advice about the recommended way to go about bottle feeding. Lots of parents in my experience have no idea how to do it (including me when I was struggling with BF DD, I felt overwhelmed by it and would have found that article helpful at the time)

We combination fed both of ours. If you are already in pain I would consider using formula rather than trying to express. I remember watching my poor bloody nipples being pulled into those plastic tubes as the smallest drop of milk came out

My main bit of advice would be to try and replace a regular feed with formula rather than doing it ad hoc when you feel overwhelmed as I found it messed with my supply. You can always increase BF as time goes by if you want. We did the 10pm feed with formula which gave me good block of sleep and after a few weeks I ended up going all BF.

Whatever happens, you are absolutely not a failure. Your job as a mum is to feed your baby and however you do that doesn't matter x

When I was in agony the bf national helpline was helpful until I could get to a support group. It got better for me, however yanbu to feed your baby however you want.