To ask if your 4 year old feeds themself?

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My DD, recently turned 4, is the world's slowest eater.

We ask her to feed herself entirely. She is just so slow and it drives me up the wall. Is it normal for a 4 year old to feed themself the whole time or should we loosen up a little and feed her when she asks a bit more? I do feed her a bit sometimes actually, and she does eat a lot quicker. But left to her own devises she just puts one forkful in, drops all cutlery, plays with her hair / clothes / nose etc and takes about 10 mins and a bunch of requests to pick cutlery up and continue eating.

It leads to lots of upset at meal times as DP or I end up barking at her to pick up cutlery and get the next mouthful ready, then put it in without it all falling off, then actually chew.

She's got no SEN, is slightly podgy but weight fine generally. She's a pretty good eater in that she'll tey most things and eats a good range. And we never want her to finish her plate - it is the speed which is the problem from the first mouthful, this is not about getting her to eat too much.

The only thing she will eat quickly is pudding...

Am I expecting too much? If everyone thinks so that will be really helpful in persuading me to chill out.

If I'm not expecting too much then any tips in getting her to focus at a meal time? We've always eaten meals together, so she watches me and DP eating every day, modelling some great fast eating for her!

She'll easily take 30 mins or more to eat a smallish plate of food

Is she getting a hot lunch at nursery? If so I would give here some really easy "tea time" food as it sounds like she is either not hungry or is too tired to eat. Small triangles of cheese on toast with cherry tomatoes and chunks of cucumber, homemade chicken tenders with a yoghurt dip, a boiled egg and soldiers etc. If her evening meal is her main meal then easy to eat things and not too much on the plate, big plates of food can be intimidating for little kids. Good luck

My bloody 7yr old still takes FOREVER to eat her tea. She has no SN she is just a really slow eater. It drives me nuts as I don't like to leave the table until she has finished (rather rude) but I do have other things to do than sit and watch he push her food round the plate for an hour. If I have to say "just pick it up and eat it" one more time this week my brain will explode. I have considered one of those dog electric shock collars, give her a quick buzz every 30 seconds to remind her to chew.... (joke)

On nursery nights try a small shack when you get in, then bath and another small snack before bed

Yes, mine has always fed herself. We never fed her. But definitely she's been feeding herself with cutlery since she was 2. The reality is that it does take time, but meals are supposed to take time. You should sit down, relax, talk with her about things and give her time to eat. You would hate to have someone standing over you, rushing you and shoving food in your mouth to get you done sooner. We usually finish before our dd (she's 4, about to turn 5), but we serve her up first and get her sitting down eating and then we fix our own plates, so she at least has a head start. And then if we are finished before her and in a rush, one or both of us might get up and start doing things, run upstairs to run her bath after dinner, start putting plates away, pack up her bag for school, etc. while she finishes, but I leave her to it and don't rush. It's also possible that she doesn't actually need as much food as you're offering her and she would finish sooner if she didn't have to eat it all. But yes, they eat slow, you just have to find ways to deal with it and not force it or rush them too much. They're still only little at that age.

I'm glad you're reassured OP

I really do think it's unfair to rush children into a tightly timed schedule with eating, esp if it's only taking around 30 mins!

We've all become too short on time to eat properly as adults, we shouldn't be encouraging poor food/nutrition habits from small children!!

(By adults I mean, convenience foods with hidden salt/sugar levels, snacking constantly, eating foods with extreme diet changes where we swing from one fad to another, eating at our desks, not taking the time to savour and appreciate a lunch or dinner, and so on). We're all guilty of this, myself included, but it's not good behaviour health-wise. It's because we're all so damned short of time!