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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed on my birthday

19 replies

Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:11

It’s my birthday and my partner has bought me a card and measly 2.99 supermarket flowers. We have two very young children and I am exhausted, i have been feeling very taken for granted and feel we are in a slump.

Writing this I feel like I am coming across childish however I just feel so unspecial, he didn’t make much effort at Christmas either buying me something rubbish that I will never use. I always make effort for his gifts even though I don’t have much money being on mat leave.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluebubble123 · 09/01/2018 20:15

No you are not, at weekends leave the kids with him and go and treat yourself to a coffee and cake in peace or your hair done or something for you!

LineysRunt · 09/01/2018 20:17

Happy birthday, OP. You might need to ask for a specific present in advance next time. And definitely ramp down the stuff you think about and buy for him. You already have too much mental load and too little money.

Meanwhile, I think you need to forget the presents and focus on the main issue - how tired and unappreciated you feel. How's your communication with him? This isn't about a bunch of flowers, so don't let it be.

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:26

I try and communicate my feelings but I get so frustrated, everything turns into an argument. We don’t live near family and none of my friends are close by I feel isolated and I’m just feeling sorry for myself.

He doesn’t listen to small simple things I ask him. For example I asked for a small piece of jewellery perhaps for Christmas and he bought me something completely unrelated. I got so fed up as this has happened before and he just laughed and said his idea was better. (Because it was cheaper) I’m coming across materialistic but this doesn’t mean anything money wise to me.

Other day to day examples are if I sent him a list of 5 things to buy at the shop he’ll come back with 3 of them and say he forgot or something, but if I get annoyed he gets very defensive and can never say sorry it drives me crazy

OP posts:
LineysRunt · 09/01/2018 20:28

Do you definitely want to be with him?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/01/2018 20:31

He sounds like an arse and you deserve better. Don't settle for this - you don't want this to be your life.
Plan how to live without him and then put that plan into action.

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:31

Sometimes I don’t know, it’s scary to even admit that, he’s very stubborn and I feel like I’m losing my identity

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 09/01/2018 20:37

He's an arse, but at least you got what you did, the woman on the other bday thread didn't get anything Shock Sad

LineysRunt · 09/01/2018 20:38

For context, my ExH fucked off with OW when our two DC were very young, and in hindsight he did me a massive favour. I didn't have to deal with him sucking the joy out of everything any more, or the extra mental load I had to carry because of him, or his pathetic ego.

He's literally laughing at you, and wearing you down. You feel isolated.

You could tentatively begin to plan to move back to be close to family and friends.

What he then does is up to him. He can shape up or ship out. (Or you could simply end it.)

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:39

I have turned into an awful person though I’m so hot headed these days, I need to get out don’t I?

OP posts:
TDHManchester · 09/01/2018 20:40

Thats a poor show popeye.Flowers

I would bring you breakfast tea in bed, a nice card, maybe some flowers (not garage jobs) and if it was a working weekday, I'd prepare a nice meal with a bottle of plonk. weekends,,out for a meal ...or maybe weekend away if poss..

Sometimes we feel taken for granted,like a piece of the household furniture.

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:41

He’s a very good father just a crap partner

OP posts:
LineysRunt · 09/01/2018 20:42

It doesn't sound like the relationship is working for you.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2018 20:46

Do very good fathers make their children’s mothers feel like shit?

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 20:55

I feel like I nag too much I’m so unfun and I feel like I zap him and put him down

OP posts:
Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 21:00

@TDH that made me cry

OP posts:
TDHManchester · 09/01/2018 21:04

I'm not Mr perfect,far from it,,but really ,,life is too short to be unkind to people..

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 09/01/2018 21:13

Crap partners don't generally make good fathers. Because a decent dad doesn't make the mother of his children feel shit.

bandito · 09/01/2018 21:19

To get some perspective though, you are on mat leave, have 2 small children, no money, no family support and aren't communicating well with your DH. Just assuming that he is a decent human being, might it be that stuff that might not have seemed important to you a few years ago may now be indicative to you of the state of your relationship? It sounds as if you could really do with some time together to talk about how you both feel without blaming each other.

Original poster
Popeye44 · 09/01/2018 21:51

@Bandito that is a very clear perspective, I suffer from anxiety and have never admitted to it and have yet to grow a set and go to the doctors about it, it makes me very irrationally irritable and I’m probably putting more blame on others than myself, I’m not very easy to live with

OP posts:
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