AIBU to consider resigning?

[Teadazed]

This is my first post and I think it's ruining my mental health. A lot of it is very rewarding but it's usual for me to feel afraid at work. I work with violent men (not a speciality I chose) and it's common for them to threaten, intimidate, assault and sexually harass staff. I'm currently on sick leave but before I left I was crying and taking beta blockers at work. At one point after being followed around by a sexually aggressive man I slammed staff room door and hit my locker. My manager was concerned rather than angry but I'm ashamed.

Now I'm looking at a gradual return at end of the month and considering working with women instead. I'm also getting therapy and taking Sertraline for the anxiety (not sure it's helping but I get migraines and mood swings if I try to stop). Maybe I don't have what it takes at all and I should find something else. The sexual harassment is the most upsetting thing (brings up old wounds iyswim) but maybe I can get past that? Feeling quite lost really.

Be aware that working with women has its own even more challenges at times - i work with women - oddly enough its affecting my mental health and im laid in bed this eve quite tearful just so despondant with it all.

No advice im afraid , just empathy

What type of work do you do? There are more choices than violent men or challenging women.

If it is the sexual harassment that is most difficult, then yes working with women may be easier for you. I am a bit surprised though that this man is being allowed to sexually harass you. Most projects will give a warning and then exclude people for that.

Two managers that I was talking too a few years ago, had both worked with men and women. They said hands down working with the women was a lot harder than the men. That wasn't just because of the violent behaviour etc but beccause of the emotional headwork and manipulation that went on. So clearly the grass isn't greener.
Would you consider a career change?

it's common for them to threaten, intimidate, assault and sexually harass staff.

after being followed around by a sexually aggressive man

I know women can be tricky, but generally they would not be as bad as this, I don't understand why posters are saying the grass is not greener etc?

Can’t even guess what job you are in.

Change your career or look for something where you can transfer skills, life is too short to continue in a job that creates that much anxiety that you are on medication.

That depends on you as a person. I can handle emotional manipulation much easier than being sexually harassed. But I am good at spotting emotional manipulation and have strong boundaries. If you don't have strong boundaries, emotional manipulation can be tough.

Working with women is far more emotionally challenging in my field .

Iv worked with both males and females seperately so have a good insight ... its widely accepted in my job that working with women is more challenging so please take care not to jump from frying pan into the fire.

I work in a field with people with a history of violence. Personally I've always preceded to work with men. I prefer the intimidation to the more personal verbal attacks I've had from women. However you might find that easier to deal with than i do or your ladies might not be as challenging.

I wonder how you stumbled across this field? My job is hard but It is what I want to do. Whenever i talk to family etc about my bad days they tell me to leave or just don't get it. I think it only appeals to a few. It's okay if it's not your cup of tea.

Can you engineer your way back to a demographic that you enjoy?

As an aside if you do want to return... supervision will help. Talk to your colleagues who will be the few that will truly get it. When I had my first assault I was mortified, I was so embarrassed which was worse than the actual assualt but it turns out everyone had experienced some thing similar and really didn't judge me or think twice.

However equally there will be colleagues who have had worse and will play down the effects. Don't listen to them, it's a big deal when it happens to you

I would say think of your own health and look for something else. To be able withstand that kind of environment is rather exceptional so no need to feel bad that it is affecting you. It sounds incredibly hard.

I agree that there are many more options than violent open or challenging women

Oops posted tomorrow soon.

More options than violent men or challenging women. Any many more ways to 'make a difference' if that is what motivates you but don't risk your health.

Plus a part of me sees it as the barstard men 'winning' if they succeed in affecting you and I'd do anything to deny them that. Whether they are aware or not.

Look after yourself

Sorry for spelling. Using my phone. Bad idea and typos

My friend has had a breakdown following years of stress working with drug and alcohol addicts and in domestic abuse support.

She's 55 and can't work anymore...can't pay her bills either.

Years she's devoted to people and now there's no real help for her.

I get it OP. I worked in a medium secure unit for 10years with violent offenders with associated mental health co-morbidities. The "eyes in the back of your head" that was constantly required wore me down and I left to retrain in a totally different field.

Your job sounds awful. I know this isn't helping but if it upsets you this much why on earth would you still do it?

I would say just stop. That is no life for you. Write down all your skills. Find another job. You deserve to be happy.

Use this month to find a different path. I wouldn’t be able to do your job. Perhaps it’s time to put you first.

This is not the job for you...with men or women.

Start looking for something else which will make good use of your skills. There are many, many jobs which will not be so demanding although any job working with people has its challenges so you need to take that into account. Think carefully about your next move.