been described as fake/too nice!!

[Lisajane2810]

we were discussing new year resolutions at work and said i would like to be kinder and help homeless etc. i help at soup kitchen etc but would like to do more. one girl ive worked with for ages said i think youre too kind already and said that she thought i need to be less nice and grow a back bone and stick up for myself more.
this reminded me of things a couple of other people have said last year also at work that im too nice/ingenuine and that ill talk to you one minute not the next.
i feel taken advantage of sometimes as i will really go all out if i care about someone and feel used sometimes as i probably will put others before myself. i did lose friends when i suffered from anxiety so could be to do with that.
i struggle at work quite an intense group who most have worked together for a long time lot of strong characters. i get on with them all at face value but have noticed small things like no collection for my birthday though i always put in for others. could be because i went away though so i dont read too much into it. am i missing something though? can you be disliked for being too nice??

I think people can be suspicious of people who are too nice - it can come across a bit try hard tbf - and will leap on any evidence of a bad mood or action as an indicator that someone isn't genuine.

Then there's the whole 'smiling assassin' character....

Try not to overthink it and just be yourself. I think people can sense an unease and interpret that incorrectly too.

I think your birthday was more than likely because you were away

Afraid so, I once worked with someone who was perfectly lovely but I knew that when she smiled and asked how I was she couldn't give a flying fuck how I was. People can see right through false niceness, it's a very irritating trait.

(Not saying this is true of you as I don't know you btw)

oh god i always ask how people are. i am genuinely interested in everyone and what theyre about until i have reason not to. i would feel rude not asking tbh. maybe i just dont get it but somehow i dont fit in and dont seem to have any long term friends and think people can just take or leave me so am obviously doing something wrong. however im not one for drinking in town etc which is what they generally do. i have been to shows etc with a couplethat i really get on with so their is hope!!

'Above all else, to thine own self be true' - Shakespeare

Just be who you are and the people who are right for you will show up in your life - don't always try to please people. Your vibe attracts your tribe.

May not happen overnight, but it will happen for sure.

I think you sound nice! But maybe the people at work are all quite similar personalities that don’t like kind people. That’s no loss to you!

"Too nice" can sometimes mean "people pleaser". It can unnerve some people who want an equal, not a follower.

Start doing some stuff for yourself. Here's a trick. If you find it difficult, pretend you doing it for someone else. For instance, if you want something to eat but grab a sandwich rather than cook a nice meal for yourself, think what you would do if someone was coming around for dinner. Do that.

Meant to say also that you sound lovely :)

It does stand out in your original post that you feel taken advantage of at times - I wonder if people sense that and use it as an indicator that your not genuine? I don't think you should put yourself in situations where you've set the bar so high for people to reciprocate that you're almost setting them up to fail.
I promise you that's not a dig as I have a tendency to judge people by my own standards and get hurt when they let me down, I've learnt not to go out of my way unless there's something in it for me or I genuinely don't care about an equal 'payback'.

There's a lot to be said about putting yourself first and being assertive at times.

I'm actually trying out being not nice for a little while this year!!

Whilst I'm not wonderful and selfless, (I am quite self centred), I do try to be nice and considerate and often go the extra mile for people or put myself out for the benefit of someone else.

So this year I'm trying to spend less on other people, I'm trying to give way to other cars less when I am driving. I'm trying to protect my time as vigorously as I value other people's time.

It's a 'me' year.

You need to add a healthy does of sarcasm to your interactions

*dose of sarcasm

sorry dont know how to tag but you could well be right. i definetely have a personality that treats people how you would like to be treated and i have had to consciously distance myself when have felt taken advantage of.
i am trying to learn how to be more assertive as my manager has put me on a next steps course at work. i worry about moving up at work though if people arent supportive as it wouldnt make for a happy atmosphere!
can i actually change who i am though?