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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Could being unusually placid be a sign something is wrong?

50 replies

StandardRussian66 · 08/01/2018 12:47

I am worried about my 3 years old.
I see a lot of post on here about toddler behaviour that is normal and my DD does none of these things. She is incredibly well behaved but I don’t think this is normal. She doesn’t push boundaries and I am worried that she’s so placid that she will be taken advantage of and bullied when she starts school in September. Does anyone else have a child like this?

Aibu to think maybe this is not normal behaviour? My DP thinks I am being silly but I just don’t want her to have a hard time at school.

OP posts:

jaseyraex · 08/01/2018 13:31

Could have wrote this myself OP! My 2 and a half year old son is the sweetest loveliest kid I've ever come across. Doesn't have tantrums, goes to bed without a fuss, can take him out anywhere without worrying how he'll behave... Am also pregnant again and wondering how on earth I'll manage if this baby is the opposite! So no advice but you're not alone.

skippykips · 08/01/2018 13:34

My eldest DD has always been placid. Her behaviour was always exceptional. She put me into a totally false sense of security, I thought my DD2 was going to be just as easy...wrong! And as for DD3...well at the lovely age of being 2 in a month she is showing me all the tantrums I missed with the older 2! Biting, hair pulling, pinching and head butting!
Your DD sounds fine, just a good little girl! Enjoy the easy going child. My eldest DD haf a

MulhuddartDrive · 08/01/2018 13:34

Did is similar. I was a bit concerned about her being assertive so enrolled her in a performance arts class and it has been brilliant for her. She's now very, um, confident stroppy.

skippykips · 08/01/2018 13:35

Ignore the last sentence of my post...i can't even remember what it was going to say

PanannyPanoo · 08/01/2018 13:36

I have a similar personality to your daughter. Was a very placid easy going child. Not at all phased by other peoples outbursts. I was just happy being me. I didn't get bullied. I think because I generally got on with everyone. I didn't stand out in any way at all. My elder brother was very emotional and antagonistic. I can remember watching the rows and thinking what a lot of effort! He is much more motivated than me, higher earner and harder worker. I am content earning enough for my needs doing something I enjoy.
My husband is similar to me. We are not going to set the world on fire anytime soon.
We are very happy though.
our daughters seen to have inherited their uncles tenacity and strength of character.
We are a bit bewildered about it all at times!
Enjoy your daughter. She may be compliant but I bet she wont be a push
over.
She will get emotionally over things she deems worthy.

MsHarry · 08/01/2018 13:36

Give it time OP. If she is the only one and doesn't yet go to nursery then she hasn't really been up against many problems yet. I would count yourself very lucky and teach your DD how to stand up for herself.

SkyIsTooHigh · 08/01/2018 13:36

I wouldn't say our eldest is placid but she is uber-compliant and "good".

With her we work on self esteem, and making sure we listen to her. She is easily persuaded to our points of view which makes her "easy" but she needs to learn to hold her own opinion and know how and when to express it. I feel she needs a well defined role in the family, even with really basic stuff like what chores she does, and we try to encourage her to hold her ground against her (younger, possibly autistic) brother a bit because it saps her self esteem if she is forever letting him have his way. But at the same time we do want to encourage kindness.

No bullying issues but you do need be alert, I think, to what she needs rather than just what she asks for or what her behaviour compels IYSWIM.

GeekyBlinders · 08/01/2018 13:38

You say the rest of the family are more... feisty. Maybe she can't get a word in edgewise? Or maybe she genuinely isn't as bothered about getting her own way? My mum was like that.

If she's hitting all her milestones, I don't think I'd worry about there being anything "wrong".

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 08/01/2018 13:39

My three nieces are all like that. DH and I constantly look at these placid, happy, well-behaved girls and wonder where on earth we went wrong with ds. FWIW, they are all very happy in school, have good friendships and are all bright.

DH and I are going to offer to pay for them to get piercings and tattoos when they are old enough...

SkyIsTooHigh · 08/01/2018 13:39

Incidentally a placid and happy child, I think, is not very interesting for bullies. Bullies want reactive victims.

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 08/01/2018 13:40

She’s been going to nursery since she was 1. She has lots of friends but is also happy playing by herself.

OP posts:

Nctothisfornow · 08/01/2018 13:43

Ds7 is so laid back. He has always been no bother. He has many friends in school, though he doesnt have great confidence. He has never been bullied or pushed around. He is the type that would just distance himself from anyone like that anyway.
His brother who is 9 is the complete oppostite - which ds7 sometimes just does what he wants to make life easier for himself. Not always, thankfully. He will stand his ground at times. Ds9 always wants his own way, where as ds7 is happy with give and take.

That is what you will need to try and get through to your child - to not be submissive all the time.
Sometimes ds7 needs my back up to remind him that he doesnt need to play that game if he doesnt want to.

OhGood · 08/01/2018 13:52

Depends really on what you mean by placid. If you just mean gentle and a bit shy and quiet and tranquil and happy then she just sounds like a lovely little girl.

But my friend's DD was also lethargic and slow-moving and tired - spent hours sitting and colouring and not doing much else. Diagnosed as celiac (sp?) Now she's been diagnosed, she's on a gluten-free diet and is a ball of fire. Change really marked.

giveitfive · 08/01/2018 14:01

Proud mother of a 17 year old son here who has never answered me back, never thrown a tantrum, never got in trouble at school.

From birth all he did was eat, sleep and fart. When he started school he never cried or got upset, he just ran in and sat on the carpet.

Puberty was uneventful apart from hilarious going to bed one night squeaky and waking up the next morning with a voice like Brian Blessed.

He studies hard, is polite and seems to be well regarded by teachers. He also has plenty of friends, likes to party, have the odd beer, enjoys sports and music.

In fact both of my boys are unusually placid.

Once the 17 year old did slap another kid in the face (I was mortified because it was next door neighbour's son), but the vicar's wife witnessed it and declared that that DS had been pushed to the very limit of his patience and if he hadn't done something then she might have!

Another time a kid tried to start a fight with him during football (my DS is rubbish at football - he fluffed a pass or something, huge upset - footballers seem to get very emotional), other kid kicked him in the back so he just turned around, picked the other lad up and threw him on the ground before walking away. Again the PE teacher witnessed and said that he was sorely provoked.

Don't worry that placid means weak or feeble. Placid can be calm and strong and full of self resilience.

Of course now I have bragged about my silent and placid giant it will probably all go tits up....

The80sweregreat · 08/01/2018 14:10

My DS1 was quiet and very laid back - i worried about him at school, but thankfully, he was pretty much left alone. He was a well behaved child most of the time - DS2 wasn't!
we are all different and you should be pleased really that she isnt any trouble. DS1 was more troublesome as a teenager - had a few issues there. Just make the most of her being as she is for now. I am sure she will be fine.

neverhadanymarblestolose · 08/01/2018 14:10

She sounds just like my DD was. Some children are leaders and others are happy followers.

She's now 6 and going to school has changed her a lot (she was in a large nursery from the age of 1, she's now in a very small school). She still very much a follower, but her confidence has massively grown since starting school, and she's much more vocal.

My second child is her polar opposite. Loud, very active, won't sit still and into absolutely everything. He has no fear and demonstrates this to us frequently throughout the day! Never had a grey hair on my head until he bounced his way into our lives!

madcatwoman61 · 08/01/2018 14:20

One of my daughters was like this - lovely easy placid baby/child. Nothing wrong with her at all, and it wore off big time when she got to around 14!! Enjoy it while it lasts

Ginsodden · 08/01/2018 14:24

My eldest is incredibly passive, kind, and clever. I've always been nervous of him being bullied, but it's never happened. He seems to be respected by the other children who say he is a 'walking dictionary' and 'always kind'. Maybe that will change next year in secondary.....

eggsandwich · 08/01/2018 14:25

My Dd was and is like this and she’s 15 now, I put it down to the fact her older brother has asd, severe learning difficulties and is non verbal so think she has learnt to be patient, kind, caring and understanding of his and other people’s difficulties.

I remember going to parent evening when she was in year 1 at primary school and her teacher said she’d like a class full of Dd’s. I was and am so proud of her.

With regards to bullying, I too had this concern early on, not just because she was placid but also for having a brother with learning difficulties, I was concerned that they would use that as a reason to upset her, but we talked a lot about everybody being different and being accepting of that difference.

Luckily she so far hasn’t had any issues and I’m sure if anything does happen, she’s now more than able to cope with it, the fact that she’s very articulate and clever helps.

TiffTaffTop · 08/01/2018 14:39

My eldest DD was absolutely as you describe. Sensitive, kind, caring, bright etc
The nursery used to complain that she wouldn't join in enough with the other children- she found adult company much more fun and honestly couldn't understand others tantrums (always could rationalise). I've worried endlessly about how she socialises, that she might end up taken advantage of etc, but she proves to me time and time again that she is more than capable of handling things. Go with it and enjoy your lo.

My DD2 however, completely different story. No idea how we ended up with such different ends of the spectrums with them, but we did. And it taught us a lot. DD2 is amazing in her own way- and I'm glad to have the experience of both (otherwise I might have disappeared up my own arse with smugness 😄)

MrsU88 · 08/01/2018 15:19

My ds was so placid I would have had a football team if they were all like him. We didnt have paddies and he was well behaved. He is 9 now. He's still lovely and kind. He has had a bit of name calling but not bullied. ..there has been bullies at school but they have targeted the louder outgoing ones.

Enjoy having the placid child x many would kill for one ;) lol

Original poster

StandardRussian66 · 08/01/2018 17:19

Thankyou everyone you have made me feel much happier!

OP posts:

Castledown · 08/01/2018 17:53

My friend's son was like this. Compliant, pleasant, unargumentative. He's an adult now. Went through school as a popular nice boy, became head boy and is a very successful businessman and a good husband and father. Top lad he is,

grumpy4squash · 08/01/2018 17:57

I've actually got a teenager like that (age 16). He has never had a strop, slammed a door, told me I'm being unreasonable etc. etc. but has also never been bullied as far as I know.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 08/01/2018 18:01

I have a ds 23, never been told off or reprimanded. Never been bullied either. Have seen him once at around 15 lose it with his db who was 14, won't ever worry about him. He can more than stand up for himself. Not violent but held his own, held db away from him, stern voice I had never heard!! And walked away. Was so proud!!
He is a successful young man now, very popular, very laid back. And much loved by all!!

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