To try and force him to go to school

[Justturned50]

DS almost 14 refusing to go today - first day back after Christmas. Some bullying at the end of last school year means he's quite anxious and has experienced panic attacks. School have been great when he feels like this and he has had some school based counselling which gave home some coping mechanisms but nothing working today.

I would make an appointment with the school for both you and your son to attend. See what they suggest and what support is available for him.
A friend of mine had similar with your dd years ago. It ended with a teacher picking her up on the way to school for months. It meant the girl had to be in school way earlier than usual and she hated it. Eventually the school suggested she could come in herself, if she didn't arrive they would revert back to teacher pick ups. It worked and she didn't need picked up again.
There was no bullying involved there though, just refusing to go to school. Not sure if something similar would work.

dailymail this is first time he's completely refused. We've had a couple of late starts but nothing like this. If he or his brother is ill either I or DH will work from home.
I'm not sure what HE is but DS is about to choose options for GCSE so would rather he was at school to be guided.

HE- higher education.

I imagine the school will involve the Education Welfare Service at some point. I have had experience of this from a school perspective and the sort of things we have tried have been to plan a reintegration, involving going in for maybe one lesson, or until break time or after lunch, or whatever is possible for the child. If there's a lesson he enjoys, perhaps he could just go in for that to start with and then increase the time at school as and when he feels more comfortable.

Will the school provide work for him to do at home? I've had that with some students too. All of these things are a starting point, to try to get over the fear of going back to school and the aim would be to get back to full time again, certainly within a few weeks.

This hasn't been helped by the recent holiday and the difficulty between him and his friends, but it sounds like he's decided that it's going to be horrible and therefore he's going to avoid it. I hope you and the school can work together with him, to resolve this before too long.

Oh sorry, I actually meant Home Educate rather than Higher Education, though either would make sense!

Thanks Daily. I'm hoping more support will come out of the woodwork as we work through. I'm hoping that we'll get him for last lesson today - which is after lunch and he'll sit with the Pastoral team. Fingers crossed.😉

Cod he change schools? Have a fresh start.

Could*

That's exactly the conversation I've had with him. The school have said that if he refuses tomorrow then the Attendance Officer will visit. That seems to have opened a chink in his resolve.

I've been there OP but for different reasons. Whatever you do, please don't punish him, and forcing when he's really upset will have a negative effect. I always recommend a particular closed FB group to anyone with these kinds of issues. Everyone there is having the same kind of struggle. If you use FB, search for school refusal support.

The attendance officer visiting might be able to persuade him. On Educating Manchester one of the staff actually drove round and got kids out of bed and drove them to school! He might be a bit scarred by the bullying but then find it's ok after all once he is there if the bullying really has stopped.

Hope you manage to get him in for the last lesson

Has the bullying definitely stopped? I was bullied, the physical bullying didn't last that long really, but I was essentially ostracised for the rest of my time in school - which was another three years.

Has the bullying been resolved? Can his friends come to yours for a gamer night?

I wouldn't force him into school.

What about tutors instead?

Thanks all things seem to be improving.

Mirime I'm hoping they haven't ostracised him. I just think they don't care very much , which is as you'd expect from 13/14 year olds.

Pengggwn that's the plan. Trying not to make a list of chores 😉

Misty I have asked to join a couple of forums now so hopefully will get some insight into his world.

Meandmy all things he used to do until the recent irritation from playstation 'friends' so he declined inviting anyone over Christmas

Crumpetty he went! And stayed and has come back with a smile on his face! Pastoral have talked him through pressure points on his timetable and have agreed a way forward. It can only get better!!

Hi op, I home educate my 11 year old.
Many colleges are now offering gcse courses to 14 year old home educated children. They are funded by the education department ( so are free)
go on face book to find your local home ed community to see if you'd get the support you need.

Thanks Bebanjo but I can't homeschool.