to think ex could work a regular working week?

[IsabellaTruffle]

Ex and I split when DC2 was a small baby, DC2 has a rare disorder that would make childcare incredibly challenging and I would mainly rely on the support of my family. I made a choice when DC2 was born that I would be a SAHM, but obviously with the split this isn't really doable.

I have been looking for 2/3 days work a week for the time being, my DParents have said they would care for the DCs 2 days per week (retired), and ex would cover the other. He has until now had one weekend day and one weekday.

He is now saying he cannot possibly "give me a day" reliably as his rota changes all the time. He works in a sort of sports centre, so I can't see how it is "impossible" to ask his boss for the same days off because he has DCs.

At the moment I am really flexible when he makes last minute changes to when he sees the DCs as I am able to be as a SAHM and largely home (on account of DC2), but I don't see how this can continue long term and it just looks like he can do as he pleases and I will just take the hit financially and emotionally with the DCs until school?!

Yanbu, he needs to change his job, not easy I know however you are going to have to find a job that fits around what childcare you can find, so why should he bask in the flexibility not afforded to you?

If he can't find a job that works around childcare ( like thousands of working parents have to do) then he needs to find alternative care.

I understand that others wouldn't like it if he took off all weekends etc. it is mainly weekdays that would be of help to be honest. Or just a regular day, i.e. if he always had off a monday I could ask DParents to have DCs tues and weds and work those days for instance or if it was to be a saturday I'd find weekend work etc.

In normal circumstances it would be his responsibilty to source childcare on "his" days but DC2s condition makes this much more difficult to find/arrange other childcare as she has quite specific requirements.

My parents could be sort of flexible in regards to what days but it wouldn't be fair to change days all the time as they obviously do have a life of their own. Organising them to take over if ex was busy would also end up falling on me adding extra stress!

Surely it is HIS responsibility to sort childcare on HIS day?!

OP says childcare isn't really an option.

To be honest, thinking about it even if putting DC2 in childcare on his days it would be pretty difficult as every week has two different days off so I would have to pay childcare for my work days and then either pay to send them if he was off or send them despite having childcare at home as most childminders/nurserys couldnt be flexible in a different day every week.

Could you do fixed days for your work and then your parents do the flexible days when exp works? Not that they should, but just trying to think practically.

Oh ignore me! You’ve already said .

I would imagine the childcare aspect should also be a joint effort?
So he should commit to certain days of being responsible for his dc as are you. And it's up to you both to arrange suitable childcare if you are a working those days.
Tell him to agree on days to have his child and then childcare is up to him to sort out on those days.

It's not alwsays easier to get flexible working hours if your child has special needs I worked for the NHS and they were less than helpful when I put in a flexible working request my son has autismand learning disabilities.

Women frequently request, and get family friendly
Rosters in many workplaces- mine being one of them. I don’t see why he can’t explain and request to HR for one guaranteed rostered day off during the week that doesn’t change. It doesn’t sound like he’s even ask. Can you go casual somewhere, and do two set days from your parents, and pick up extra on the day he does have DC?

In my job I allow team to have regular days off if it's weekdays they've requested but I wouldn't be able to grant weekends. Can't see other colleagues getting annoyed about someone having Tuesday and Wednesday off every week for example.

Surely he'd be able to put in a flexible working working request? My OH works in an industry where he has to work shifts (healthcare) and also sees his son EOW. His workplace were aware of this before he started and put a flexi working policy in place for him so he has every other weekend off

@Checklist

OPs ex can ask however if they have good business reason not to (there are criteria) then no they don't have to grant it.

I understand he couldn't be guaranteed weekends off or anything like that but if I knew he would have atleast one regular day I could work around it.

I can't see me finding a job with two regular days and one casual (every week a different day).

The centre is obviously open a lot of hours so yes he has to be flexible that sometimes its an early/late, sometimes he may cover a colleague etc. but surely all the staff arent happy to work a completely different week every single week?? There must be other parents/students/part timers who work other jobs??

I'm sure if he was prepared to work weekends he could be given a fixed day off in the week. I'd understand an employer if someone was wanting say only early shifts Monday to Friday, but if he was prepared to work evening shifts at the weekend, he might be successful in getting a fixed day off.

WitchesHat - I am aware he can only ask, which is why I referred to a reasonable adjustment and that his employer can refuse for a sound business reason! However, I cannot see the problem if he works in a sports centre (not life or death like the NHS) and there are a team of staff to be called upon! Who would be bothered, if he asked to have Tuesdays off every week?