To ask how I can help dd (6) to go to sleep?

[LokiBear]

I'm really struggling with dd1. She is 6 years old. We have a night time routine of bath, quiet game/milky drink, upstairs at 7pm, she either reads or listens to an audio book for 30 minutes. We go back up at half 7 for lights out. Recently, she has still been awake at 10pm. The next day she's knackered and tearful. She doesn't want to get up and it means mornings are very difficult. She keeps herself awake by telling herself stories that she's made up in her head. She will go to the toilet several times or come down complaining of a tummy ache. Each time, we send her straight back to bed. If dh goes up to give her a kiss she starts to cry about feeling worried but she 'doesn't know' what she is worried about. She doesn't try that with me as she knows I'm not a softie like dh. I don't know what to do and I'm handling it badly. I've just got frustrated with her and told her I'll send Christmas presents back to Santa if she doesn't go to sleep. I'm annoyed at myself because that isn't helpful at all but I'm struggling with a teething baby and an over tired 6 year old. How can I improve this and help her get to sleep? Is her bedtime too early?

You could try melatonin? You can get gp to prescribe or buy online. It does take about 3-4 nights to work though x

Could it be the milky drink? Drinking something milky right before bed would make me feel sick and unsettled in the stomach. Try not giving it, substitute water or juice maybe.

I can remember being a similar age and struggling to get to sleep, which then made me anxious that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep again the following night... and the cycle continued I think bed time became such a big deal and I'd stress about it in the hours leading up to the start of the night time routine which became counterproductive.

I don't have any helpful advice to offer unfortunately, but your DD might be getting into a similar cycle. Hope other posters will be along to offer some helpful advice, I can sympathise as I'm sure I drove my poor mum mad!

Headspace meditation app. There is children’s section. Works like a cha on my physically and mentally hyperactive DD.

Could she be not tired at 7.30. Iv pushed ds(6) bedtime back to 8pm. Also stopped doing baths nightly as woke mine up more weirdly

I wonder if something is maybe happening at school to make her anxious? If she can't switch off and is distracting herself with stories it might be because something is playing on her mind. If you haven't already, it might be worth sounding her out on it.

Try getting in to bed with her and reading her a story!! It’s a lovely time together snuggle down and have a cuddle for 5 mins and then kiss good night and leave. I think at this age they like a bit of special time to share thoughts, stories, talk about what’s happening the next day.

If she has been laying in over xmas hols then she won't be feeling ready for bedtime at 7.30pm.
I would just get her up at 7am regardless of the time she gets to sleep and hopefully she will be tired enough to sleep that night. If not there may be some underlying issues.

My 6 year old son is currently going through the same, and has done for short periods over the last few years. This time we’ve changed bedtime routine again. He goes to his room around 7.15 and I read to him for a short while (short stories) then we lie down and listen to a story cd while following it in the book (Julia Donaldson at the moment). We then turn the lights low and snuggle while listening again then he listens a 3rd time alone with lights out. We’ve done this for 5 nights and each night he’s been yawning and snuggling to go to sleep quicker. To be honest o think we’re both enjoying the cuddles and quiet time together. All on it takes around 45/60 minutes which is not much time when he was calling out and crying until 10pm some nights.

Also stopped doing a routine as such. Just upstairs teeth, face and into bed for stories. Mine found audio books too stimulating but me reading much more relaxing then one my dc gives me a monologue of his day. Has a dream catcher to try and stop his bad dreams and a worry bat to tell his nightly worries too.

I also would stop a milky drink straight before bed as it might be heavy in her stomach. Also with my DD7, from about age 4/5 we gave her a lamp in her room and our rules were that she had to stay in her room once we had left, and she could read or colour until she wanted to go to sleep and turn her own lamp off.
This means that if she is tired she will let us turn off the light and she goes straight to sleep, but if she says she isn't tired we just say it's fine, she can read or colour in bed and just settle down when she is ready. If she is still awake at 10pm and getting stressed about not getting to sleep then take away all the drama and I am almost certain that she will have settled down before that if you remove the conflict. The only rule we have is that she stays in her room unless she takes herself to the toilet or she is coming to tell us she is going to be ill imminently!
Maybe just removing the stress and putting her in charge of her own light might help, as if I wake up at night and then get wound up as I am awake and not asleep I am less likely to be able to get back to sleep so we have used the same principle with our DD.

I meant if your DD is still awake at 10pm. Also I wouldn't do the whole bath etc every night as others have mentioned!

Thanks all. Im fairly sure there are no 'bigger issues'. She's an avid reader and she loves to write her own stories. I think she often just can't switch off. At the same time, I think it is her way of being just a little bit defiant. She doesn't like the fact that dh and I go to bed later. I've considered pushing bed time back. Perhaps it's worth a try.

We’ve stopped audio stories after lightsout because they don’t help the dcs relax at all. They love the stories so of course it doesn’t, on reflection

What I’ve started doing is letting them listen to audio books while colouring in once they’ve done teeth. Then we have meditation stories with lights out. Works much much better.

We've always alternated me and dh reading her a story in bed, singing a song. Recently, though, she's wanted to read herself. She's a very strong reader and is reading things like The Midnight Gang. If I try and read it, she moans I sound different to her!