To be envious?

[TrinitySquirrel]

Things are tight right now. And by tight, I mean everything is budgeted right down to the last 5p and will be for at least the next 12-18 months.

We're working hard to pay off debts and I'm also retraining at night college while on maternity for a more lucrative career long term. Husband has also changed careers about 12m ago so is right at the bottom of the ladder again and his pay reflects that. But he's happy, and it will gradually increase as he's making his way up it already so that's fine, will just take a while.

We're stuck in a negative equity tiny two bedroom (1.25 really) flat that wont sell even if we try to. Three in the same block have been on the market for 2+yrs. We're also paying for a new bathroom and kitchen to try and get shut off it in the next 18 months, so we can buy elsewhere if we're lucky or rent a house. I'm not fussed either way.

Aibu to be envious of friends who can afford weekends away in £150 per night lodges? Weekend trips to plush hotels in European cities? Quick getaways to Hawaii, or buying houses like sweets to rennovate and sell on as side projects for profit every 6 months. They all have their ducks quacking nicely in their rows and careers that are pretty rock solid.

10/12yrs ago we had it all sorted. Then the recession hit. Then we both got made redundant within a couple of years of each other. Then as I was getting my career and life in order again I finally got pregnant (happy surprise) and everything went tits up again, husband lost his job, I lost mine & had to go self employed/freelance, suffered serious health problems from and after pregnancy that are still ongoing, and we went right back to square one (square negative 1 maybe) to start all over again in our mid 30's.

I just feel like we're never going to get our shit in order, and maybe not everyone always does, but I am so envious of those who have.

I don't feel like I'm living the life I'm supposed to be yet and it's so frustating getting there.

AIBU to feel a little jaded and basically this colour for half the time right now?

It's ok to feel envious; go ahead. It doesn't help anything but it's understandable. Give yourself a break for feeling it. Then move on. Comparison is the thief of joy. You have many blessings in your life. X

You don't really sound envious to me OP, so much as you sound tired and fed up . You've had a lot of shit that was simply out of your control.

All I can say is, your family has each other - that's worth a lot more than weekends away. I have several friends who could afford anything, but would give it all up for that. I know it doesn't really help when you're fed up though!

comparison is the thief of joy

I don't think that you are unreasonable, it sounds like you've had some really tough times. It's easy to say that you mustn't let it take over your life but I'm sure you know that already! I hope things work out for you and your family x

oops repeat of someone else, sorry should have read all comments!

8 years ago, I had it all. The 3 bed house, a brand new car, a 50k career, my dp and children. Then I got made redundant, than had a car accident, lost my home and my relationship broke down.

I'm now in a HA flat, with a 10 year old car, single (ish) and on benefits (because of injuries and on going problems).

So you are not the only one, and yes you are allowed to be jealous. But it's not all bad. My children have everything they want, I have a roof over my head, my fridge is full and the heating is on.

Yes my social life has changed (but a lot of that is due to my injuries), but I've found that even my friends who are a lot better off, are actually struggling in their own way. So instead of girls nights out, or over night, we have girls nights in. It takes time to learn to live with a lower income, but it's doable. You just have to learn to be savvy with money!

You sound quite shallow TBH.

YANBU - your luck has just been a bit on the cr*p side

It's always the same: there's always someone better off, and there's always someone who would like to be in your position. It's ok to be envious of other people from time to time, I know it sounds incredibly naff but look at what you have - DC - people TTC would be envious of you. Your own home - it may not be perfect...but it's YOURS. Your DH has a job, sure, he is at the bottom of the ladder again but he is in employment and he is happy and you yourself are working towards a career. You are very lucky (even if you don't feel it right now).

Try to keep your chin up and get through the next 18 months. Sending you big hugs. X

I’m sorry it feels so challenging at moment,it’s not easy scraping by
Envy is understandable, so long as you keep it to yourself and don’t let it affect friendship
You’re okay to think this is crap,and wish for disposable cash

Hope things improve over time

Thank you, I guess I'm more just fed up than just envious, and fed up of seeing other people's highlight reels on social media.

I know they have their own problems and no ones life is perfect. Hell... the couple who travel all over the show are now divorcing as he has been having it off with everyone at work, but still, nice holidays . We tried for over a decade for our ds so we're overjoyed with him. He is the best baby ever (apart from sleeping )

It's just been a pretty crappy decade and I am so tired all the time that I think it's all just got on top of me a bit and I felt a bit "harrummph..."

Feeling meh is understandable when you have it tough

What’s the saying? Envy is the thief of joy?

It’s hard sometimes not to be envious of other people’s seemingly better lives but you don’t know what’s in their future. Try to be thankful for the good things in your life. Your child. Your strong relationship with DH. Your retraining opportunity.

Sounds like the jet setting couple might be jealous of you?

You have no idea what their credit card bills/bank balances look like. Nobody shares the crappy parts of life on social media (if that's where you're getting your info).

Seems to me you have bright futures ahead, with sensible plans in place and a good marriage and happy home life. All these things are more important than money, holidays, and "stuff".

Chin up! You're doing ok. :)

Can everyone please stop trotting out that tedious comparison cliche, it's so condescending.

Quite understandable that you feel fed up OP, being a working parent is hard going even when things are running smoothly but so much more challenging when there's no buffer to pay for takeaways, wine, babysitters etc to reduce the pressure.

Two things I'd say is that firstly, maybe try to accept that "there" as in "getting there" doesn't exist. This is life, it throws us curve balls and ultimately the way we deal with our lot defines us. I don't mean that debt and hardship is all you'll ever know, far from it, but that no one's life is perfect and some people do get dealt v difficult hands BUT that doesn't mean they can't have good lives.

I could have pangs of envy when friends have lovely holidays or share stories of fab nights out, but they too have had tragedies and hardships - and they are great friends who bring me some of my best times and support me through the tough bits, I'd never not want to know their joy.

Debt is a heavy load to drag around but it sounds as though you and your partner are facing it together and you WILL get out the other side.

In the meantime, you may want to consider contacting Christians Against Poverty (CAP); they will help you draw up a budget that allows for debt repayment, a decent amount for food, a social life, and savings. They will talk to your creditors to negotiate manageable payment plans, and put you in touch with any help you're entitled to. It's a free service.

All the best.

Sounds like you're doing great
Longed for baby
Retraining
Both finally in work,
Negative equity is a bit (shrugs shoulders)
You have a home and a family