Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

What would you make of this comment?

24 replies

buswankeroverhere · 07/01/2018 20:36

Dh popped to the shops today. When he came back he said that he's seen 'That Mum from school.' I asked who he meant and he said you know the one 'Always dolled up, designer clothes, drives a Range Rover.' I then know who is talking about. He then went on to talk about how she's always dressed up and looking her best and ended it by saying 'If the truth be told, she is probably even more insecure than you are.' I was a bit because I'm not insecure at all. I asked what he meant and said that sh hides under all the make up because she isn't really happy with how she looks.

How would you have taken this comment? I took it as 'She's so pretty (she really is!) but still hides under all the make up and nice clothes and you look like a troll who should be insecure in her looks'

Perhaps I'm over thinking it! Just thought it was an odd comment to make.

OP posts:

Llangollen · 07/01/2018 20:40

I would take it as your DH believing that you are insecure. FULL STOP. I don't know why you jump about the conclusion that he thinks you are a troll, that does make you sound insecure

I can't tell you why you are insecure in your DH's mind, aren't you at all?

BenLui · 07/01/2018 20:40

The Range Rover lady might not be insecure at all.

I’d certainly be wanting to know why he thought I was insecure...

The most likely reason is that he’s projecting his own insecurity.

Snowman41 · 07/01/2018 20:42

He thinks you are insecure. Did you not ask him why he thinks this? Discuss it further?

Communication?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 07/01/2018 20:43

I think if that's what you took from his comment then he has a point as you do sound a tad insecure...

Dizzybacon · 07/01/2018 20:43

Just ignore it. Its just a man making a daft comment

Deadlylampshade · 07/01/2018 20:44

And obviously the least insecure thing in the world is to come on a forum of strangers and ask us what it meant.

comedycentral · 07/01/2018 20:44

He does realise that most women wear make up because they want to doesn't he?

Sparklesocks · 07/01/2018 20:45

It’s hard to say as it also depends on the tone of his voice, body language etc - we don’t know your DH so it’s hard to read the situation in full.

It sounds like he thinks you might have some insecurities about how you look and maybe he was trying make you feel better by saying this glam/super groomed woman seems like she’s trying to cover hers up. But that’s one interpretation, he might have just been making conversation and talking bollocks..

TemptressofWaikiki · 07/01/2018 20:45

My translation came up with 'he fancies the Range Rover broad and wants to talk about her but has to dress it up in bullshit'.

Llangollen · 07/01/2018 20:48

My translation came up with 'he fancies the Range Rover broad and wants to talk about her but has to dress it up in bullshit'.

It is very possible to find someone from the opposite gender attractive (or the same gender, who knows nowadays) without actively "fancying" them.

Original poster

buswankeroverhere · 07/01/2018 20:49

Well, I didn't think I was insecure. Perhaps I am a little bit?! DH loves the whole designer clothes, expensive cars type of lifestyle (which we don't have!). I'm not all that bothered about those sorts of things. I wonder if he thinks I should be insecure about all of these nice things she appears to have and we don't? I just realised I actually sound very insecure but I honestly don't think I am. I'm happy with what we have.

OP posts:

GammaDelta · 07/01/2018 21:09

From your husband's statement i would not had instead he means you are a troll..

I don't understand how he reached to the conclusion that women who wear make-up are insecure..wrong mentality n irritating view point... that's it don't think too much..

lurkingnotlurking · 07/01/2018 21:12

Maybe he thinks you're secure and she is more insecure than you are?

Llangollen · 07/01/2018 21:22

It's impossible to guess without knowing any of you.

I get the point of beautiful women wearing too much make-up seen as insecure. When they obviously do not need it, it's a shame they need to hide, and doesn't translate as being that confident.

OP< maybe you commented on your looks and it stuck into your DH's mind, it doesn't mean he has a negative opinion

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 07/01/2018 21:26

Men are never looking for conversations. He doesn't want to talk anything over. Ask him what he means - probably that he'd like you to use a bit of slap even if you're at home with DC.

FluffyWuffy100 · 07/01/2018 21:27

You immediately jumped to DH thinking you looked like a troll? That does make you sound a bit insecure.

It was a clumsy commment but if he’s normally a nice man assume he didn’t mean anything bad. Unless he is always negging on you.

BenLui · 07/01/2018 21:29

So she represents a lifestyle he wants but doesn’t have? I stand by my assumption that he’s projecting his own insecurities on to you.

He possibly finds her intimidating.

thebewilderness · 07/01/2018 21:30

He knows your insecurities as you know his so I think he was thinking out loud about the masks people wear.

peppapigwouldmakelovelyrashers · 07/01/2018 21:39

if it was my dh it would be an awkward and slightly weird attempt at a compliment, as in he's worried I am feeling insecure and is trying to make me feel better about it.

DoJo · 07/01/2018 21:42

I would take it as 'She looks all perfect on the surface, but she's probably not as confident and effortlessly perfect as she seems and is actually just like any normal person (e.g you).' However, had my husband said this, I would have said 'Oh cheers - clearly my insecurity is showing through then, because that sounds a lot like you think I'm a gibbering wreck' and he would have apologised and explained. Did you say anything to him at the time? Because if not, then I think he might have a point, given that you are clearly bothered by this comment enough to still be thinking about it.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2018 21:44

I'd think he was very judgemental and weird as fuck. Oh and horribly offensive.

But really if I thought about it further I'd think he was envious of her lifestyle and finds her attractive.

Why he had to put you down I don't know. I also don't know why he had to put her down, I guess to make you think he didn't fancy her. Also to make him feel better about his inadequacies by insulting you both.

So yeah, I'd say envious, bitter and fancies her.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2018 21:46

However, had my husband said this

Would he have though? I think it's a weird conversation and can't imagine my husband or any of our Male friends or colleagues, so deeply analysing g some female then insulting their wives.

theabysswithin · 07/01/2018 21:56

I wouldn't read it as him thinking you look like a troll or that you need to make more effort with your looks.

On the other hand it does betray a rather unattractive set of assumptions about women -- to whit:

a) it suggests he's assuming you're insecure (which you've said you're not) which suggests he's got a rather patronising set of assumptions about you and how you feel about yourself
b) it suggests that he finds it surprising that this woman who makes a lot of effort to look good should be more insecure than you as if the fact that she has expensive clothes and is well made up is, in and of itself, a sign of superiority, and that you ought to be the one who is insecure because you don't wear designer clothes
c) it suggests that he thinks she's insecure because she makes an effort

So in other words, he has objectified and amateur analysed both you and the nicely dressed woman and come to a set of patronising and sexist conclusions.

Is he a sexist, patronising arse in other ways?

DoubleAces · 07/01/2018 22:14

This thread is useless without pics. We need to compare!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread