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AIBU?

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To tell MIL that I think she has an eating disorder?

14 replies

microminimaxi · 07/01/2018 19:09

Over the past 2 years my MIL has lost a lotof weight. She has always been of average build but now she is skinny. It doesn't look nice and people she knows have stopped me in the street asking if she is unwell. We (me and SIL) have spoken to her about people's comments before bit she just go s quiet. We comment on old photos saying how well she looks to try and make her see that she's gone too far. She just cannot see how unwell she looks. It really is sad to see her looking like she does. She lives off of yogurt and fruit. When she cooks for the family she sits there pushing her food around the plate and ends up throwing it in the bin. When we try and express our concerns she gets giggly and silly- almost as if she likes the attention (I know that sounds awful). Do you think it sounds like she has an eating disorder? What do we do next if she refuses to realise she has a problem and changes her eating habits? She is so cold, weak and tired all the time. She isn't her old self anymore.

OP posts:
DontbouncelikeIdid · 07/01/2018 19:43

Are you sure she's not ill? It sounds like you have tried to speak to her, and she is not willing to discuss it. I think all you can do is be there to support her. Hard for you though.

microminimaxi · 07/01/2018 19:55

She definitely isn't ill. SIL has cried to her begging her to tell her what's going on. She just says 'Nothing. Don't be silly.' She tells us that she is happy with her weight now and that's it (although she is still losing weight by the looks of it.) We want her to able to be around to see our children grow up but the damage this could be doing to her health makes us worry that she may not be. The difference in her not just physically is shocking.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 07/01/2018 20:51

I think this can be quite common in older women. She probably needs to see a doctor.

Is her husband still alive?

LizzieSiddal · 07/01/2018 20:54

How old is she?

Cherrycokewinning · 07/01/2018 20:54

I agree that this is quite common

Tbh I don’t think you can really do anything for someone with an eating disorder (as in: you can’t make them better) the GP can’t do anything really. She has to engage with any counselling etc which she won’t do if she’s happy with it

Sorry know that’s not what you want to hear

Gacapa · 07/01/2018 20:57

Roughly what would you estimate her height and weight to be now?

Anything else noticeable, like change in skin, hair etc?

Chchchchangeabout · 07/01/2018 21:00

How do you know she isn't ill? Losing weight and low/no appetite are red flags for some cancers, definitely worth a check up with GP.

user1486076969 · 07/01/2018 21:02

She may say she's not ill because she either doesn't want to face it and/or doesn't want to worry you?

annandale · 07/01/2018 21:06

She's heading straight for a long hospital stay. Her eating certainly sounds abnormal and she will end up malnourished at this rate.

Maybe invite her round for more meals and see how she behaves at those.

yummumto3girls · 07/01/2018 21:14

Try to get her to see her GP who will carry out relevant tests, BP, heart rate BMI, bloods. They can then advise if her weight is a concern and affecting her health. They can then refer for appropriate support via an eating disorder clinic. She may listen to the GP and sometimes hearing that such significant weight loss compromises heart function may serve as a wake up call for her.

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 07/01/2018 21:14

My MIL was like this. She'd cook wonderful meals for the family and sit while we ate with a scrambled egg. If she hit 7 stone she dieted. She probably had an eating disorder. Lord knows what she thought of me (size 14).

microminimaxi · 07/01/2018 21:19

She is 54 and lives with FIL. He has told her that she doesn't look as healthy as she did when she weighed a bit more. The amount of loose skin on her tummy, arms and legs is quite shocking. (Although she likes to make a point of tucking herself i so we all see it). She is roughly 5ft 6/7 and the last time she weighed herself in front of me (over a year ago) she was 7st 12lb. She decided to get on the scales in front of me (she keeps them in the kitchen) and happily told me her weight. It's almost as though she is proud of what she is doing to herself. The frank and honest discussions my SIL has had with her don't change a thing. The only other thing is that I've noticed her hair has thinned a fair bit. I really don't think there is more to it (other than the low weight) as we are generally all very close and share a lot with each other. I just want her to be healthy again.

OP posts:
Gacapa · 07/01/2018 21:29

You sound so understandably worried, OP. I have no idea about these things, so trying to come at it with advice as someone concerned about a loved one. I mean yes, that does sound very thin to me, but I'm guessing there are plenty of healthy people at that height and weight. Do you think she's dropped even more in the last year? Also, does she seem happy? If you're as sure as you can be that she's not ill, then would perhaps NOT mentioning it work better? Or attention based on anything other than her weight?

I'm sure other people will have proper advice. Flowers

bumpertobumper · 07/01/2018 23:00

Have a look at the b-eat website, there is lots of useful information there for people concerned about family members with eating disorders.

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