My life is such a mess

[missladybird]

2018 is supposed to be about sorting my life out but I feel like I'm sinking already. I have anxiety/OCD and it's really bad at the moment. I'm a single parent to 3 year old dd and have no help in terms of family. Her dad works and lived abroad.

I go to college one day a week doing an access course but to be honest I have no idea which career I want to go into. I've lost all trust in nursery for dd due to a couple of reasons and feel like I should quit.

I'm skint, have been stuck in the house all weekend because I have no money. I'm bored, lonely and fed up. Pretending to be happy for dd.

I'm nearly 28 and feel useless. Everyone else my age have good jobs etc and I do nothing.

What do I do?

So sorry you feel like this...
You are not useless! You are trying to make things lovely for your dd and single parenting is HARD.

Don’t give up on the access course - it will give you more options for the future, even if you don’t know what you want that future to be.

Can you move your dad to another nursery?

Xxx

That sounds hard and it sounds like you are are low due to your circumstances.

I would stick with your course (maybe look for a childminder for dd or a different nursery). Although you don't know what you definitely want to do, some degrees will open doors to more exciting careers and even the uni experience might give you something to strive for. You might also meet some interesting people which can give life some meaning too.

Best of luck - I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end.

Today you get dressed warmly and get out to the park for a good blow of fresh air. Maybe you will meet someone to chat to. See if anyone is around for a cup of tea...not everyone is playing happy families all weekend.

Then carry on with your access course and try to figure out what you want. If you post some of your skills and interests here lots of helpful suggestions will be given.

If nursery are really poor do look into moving dd or trying to get changes made.

Whatever you do DO NOT just quit your course and pull dd out of nursery or you will be spending a lot more time feeling skint and staring at the walls.

I wish you well, you can do it.

Dd not dad! Sorry

I'm looking to move her but I start back at college on Thursday and have no childcare for her. I just feel at a total loss. I get no time to myself, and I hate complaining because I love her so much but I feel so depressed.

I want to work in mental health but my dad said it would be like the blind leading the blind. Another option is speech and language therapy. I just don't know. I'm doing really well at college and I do look forward to going, but without childcare it's impossible

Ignore your father. The mental health field are very open to individuals with personal experience of MH (due to greater insight).
I'm sure you're eligible for 15 hours per week free childcare.
You seem like you are stuck in a complete rut.
As you are only at college one day a week, I suggest you get a part time job. Either working tax credits or universal credit will help with childcare costs when you're working.
It will do so much for your depression and feelings of self-worth. You'll have more interaction with adults!!!
I speak from experience.

At 28 I had a four year old. I was coming out of the other side of severe pnd. I had anxiety and OCD and was on a considerable amount of medication. I started an Access course, no idea what I wanted to do, but needed to do something. Went on to uni and did a History Degree, followed by Masters and then PhD. Ended up lecturing. Loved it. Retired now, but keep with it, it's worth it!

Hope you are feeling better soon, it's a shit, but honestly, it does get better.

Could you speak to college and explain childcare issues? I think doing the course is a great thing but you have to be happy with childcare. Could you look at childminders aswell? Do you go out to groups and things? If not some ideas do you have a centre? Ours does free stay and play and messy play and even some family activities on a Saturday, libary do story time and craft sessions and church playgroup are often £1. Are they any museums near you we have a few free ones that are really good and run activities, craft sessions Sometimes. Do you see health visitor she could probably suggest some ideas. I would get wrapped up today and head out for a walk to park. If your couped up in the house you will probably feel worse.

This is a really tough time of year, be kind to yourself, you are working away towards a better future and you will get there. I cant see why you could not work in mental health, your own experience could be an asset. Don't give up your course, you are doing well, keep plugging away. Spring will come and it will all look brighter.

Part of me just wants to get an ordinary job without having to study so that I can earn money and feel like I'm not so useless. I'm going to be in education for another 4 years with no income.