Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

help - do I say something and risk upsetting friends?

42 replies

slayerette · 25/04/2007 12:56

Two friends of mine are holding a joint birthday party for their children - soft play followed by meal at fast food place. They haven't mentioned anything but I think it's assumed that we'll all pay our own way on the day as well as bringing a birthday present for each child. I want my child to go to the party because he likes the children involved, but it's going to be quite expensive! Should I say something? - and if so how, without sounding mean? I just think it's unfair to hold a party at a place where people have no choice but to pay if they want to go. Advice appreciated!

OP posts:

SweetyDarling · 26/04/2007 12:07

Have you confirmed if you are actually expected to pay?

3andnomore · 26/04/2007 12:09

Seriously weird this...I mean, if there is no cake, and it isn't actually really a Party anyway, well, I wouldn't take a pressie along....
if you cna't afford to hold a Party, then don't have one...simple isn't it....weird friends you have,lol!

FiveFingeredFiend · 26/04/2007 12:12

Avoid embarassment and be busy that weekend

newgirl · 26/04/2007 13:24

that is really strange

i agree with blu - why dont they do something at home or a picnic in the park?

at the end of the day it is all about the kids so id take yours and just pay up. Id take an inexpensive gift for each child so they have something to give/open (colouring book or something) and go for food only if you are happy with where they are going, else head home after.

im sure your littlie will have a great time

Purpleparrot · 26/04/2007 13:32

My DS has been to two parties at soft play centres recently and both times the birthday child's parents paid. They pay for the party, the food and drinks etc and you show up with your child and a present.

It is of course normally expected that you put a bit of effort in when it is your child's party to compensate for their expense. If you are expected to pay yourself then this should be stated in advance to you by the parents in question

kimi · 26/04/2007 13:43

We have always paid for our children's Parties and would never dream of saying everyone had to pay their own way.

We spent far too much (£300) on DS1s 7th, hall, fancy dress, magic show, prizes, goodie bags ect.
But that was our choice to do so.

I think it is really strange to ask people to come along, then to pay.

Original poster

slayerette · 26/04/2007 16:59

I'm with Blu - going to hold a really expensive party next year and present everyone with an itemised bill at the end

You're all right. It's mad, mad, mad - look at the weather FFS! They should have a picnic (one has a huge back garden which she can use for free!)and make a plate of sandwiches. Sometimes friendships with Real People are very difficult.

OP posts:

Blu · 26/04/2007 17:05

I suppose they might still pick up the bill for the food?

LIZS · 26/04/2007 17:11

That is outrageous. How old are they btw ? By all means split the cost with a joint party but to expect everyone to pay up too. Unless this is part of a regular playdate at this soft play place/lunch where this arrangement is the norm, in which case it can only become a party with a few additions such as a cake and balloons (even so not sure I'd do a pressie as such ) then seems exceptionally unfair. Think I'd pass tbh or only do the bit your ds would enjoy and you can afford.

Original poster

slayerette · 26/04/2007 21:24

The kids are 2 and 4. We do meet every week but always at someone's house, never anywhere that we have to pay for, and have always done parties at home for our kids (have known each other for 4 yrs now). I suppose I'm grumpy because I put quite a lot of effort into DS's party this year, and on his birthday (not the day of his party cos he was at preschool all day )DH and I took their kids out for a meal and paid for all of them as well. But for me, that was worth it just so DS didn't have a 'school and home and bed' type of day on his birthday. It's not that I'm feeling like they 'owe me' or anything because I wouldn't have taken their kids out if I hadn't been happy to do it - it just seems this is a weird way to do things!

OP posts:

gothicmama · 26/04/2007 21:29

I would pay nut not buy presents 'cos your ds's presence is gift enough

gothicmama · 26/04/2007 21:30

random nut in there some how sorry

Original poster

slayerette · 26/04/2007 21:32

I quite like the idea of a random nut!

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 27/04/2007 11:08

Have you asked them yet whether you really are expected to pay, slayerette?

Original poster

slayerette · 28/04/2007 10:14

Yep - have checked and we are all paying our own way

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 28/04/2007 12:08

IMHO This is horrible of them

DS is nearly 12 and we have NEVER done a party for his friends where we expected them to pay

He has never been to a party and been expected to pay

Last year he had 2 parties cos 3 girls were away when his actual party was on - a disco

So we took the 3 girls and him to the cinema and then to a restaurant for dinner

One of the girls did bring some money to pay for herself but we told her it was in place of the party and that we were paying - we had already told her mum we were paying but I guess she was just making sure

IMHO it is very very very strange and unfair of them

I agree get your DS to make a card for them

helenhismadwife · 29/04/2007 15:02

what a cheek and p%ss take!!

to me it sounds like they dont want the hassle or expense of a party just the benefits ie presents, children entertained for free (by that I mean they dont have to pay or entertain them) and looking good to their children.

I would take you ds to the soft play and possibly for the food but tell him its a treat for him and all the children not a birthday party, why should you treat it as a birthday party when the parents of the birthday children arent and you have to pay for it!!

Never heard anything like it if you choose to have a birthday party like this for your child you pay for it otherwise its not a party

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread