To ask about anxiety- particularly workplace?

[user1463259315]

Hi- I don’t know how to start this as have been thinking about writing this post for ages and now that I’m doing it I don’t know what to say! Ok, I have pretty bad anxiety. About lots of things, but definitely at its worst in work. I have recently been promoted to a much more senior position and everyone around me thinks it’s great and I’ll be the answer to all the problems etc etc etc. I have major imposter syndrome about the whole thing, keep thinking I’ll get found out for being crap and a big disappointment. I also get panicky and ridiculously stressed every time there’s a slight issue, my heart races all day, I have butterflies in my stomach from waking up and the only respite I get is when I’m asleep, and even then I invariably dream about work! I have tried CBT in the past- I paid for it privately as I was desperate to help myself. It hasn’t worked. I’ve been to the GP, he wanted to put me on medication, which I’m terrified of. My husband has to constantly reassure me about all my worries and fears and I’m sure he’s going to lose patience with me soon. I hate myself for being so weak and pathetic and feel like I really have to do something to get myself out of this awful state of mind. I’m back to the GP on Tuesday and just don’t know what my next steps should be?? Thank you for reading and any advice you may have.

I have started counselling for the same issue and 2 things that the counsellor picked up on very quickly was whether I ever felt 'good enough' as a child and that she didn't feel I had dealt with a trauma 20 years ago and has elements of PTSD with hyper vilgilance or an over reaction to a small stress.

I'm interested to see where it will go!

I think this is very common, no consolation I know but very many women I know have suffered to some degree, I even spotted this event advertised which interested me. ( I have no affiliation with them) www.cityhive.co.uk/event-article#/special-workshop/the-imposter-syndrome:-cross-the-line-between-self/doubt-to-self/belief.

I have found focusing on being clear what I and my team do and being very clearly outlining what is achievable with colleagues has helped. Not saying yes to everything, and accepting that sometimes ‘fine’ is enough, it doesn’t have to be perfect. This obviously depends upon your profession.

I do exercise frequently to work on my mental health and anxiety which helps me a lot.

Hi deary, thanks for your reply. I also have some childhood issues which undoubtedly play a part. My CBT therapist said I was still thinking like the frightened child from 25 years ago, and needed to realise that I’m not there anymore etc. I totally agree with her, I just don’t know how to get out of it! I don’t want my kids to know me as this scared and stressed person all the time. But interesting to hear your experience.

Thanks fiorentina. Exercise will definitely help, I know I should be doing that as it will help me to stop thinking about work too. Thanks for the link- will check it out.

CBT can be helpful but if you’ve found childhood issues you probably need someone with a bit more in depth knowledge. If you can afford it I’d suggest finding a clinical psychologist and have a chat with them. It will be more per hour, but it’s better than spending less per hour on something that doesn’t work. You may be able to go fortnightly or monthly if it’s too much for weekly payment.

Not wishing to be harsh on you, but how did you convince management to promote you? And why did you go for promotion if, as it sounds, you don't feel convinced you want or enjoy the job?

Have a read of this book by Valerie Young:

The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women - why capable people suffer from the impostor syndrome and how to thrive in spite of it

I've had this. I can't say I've fully conquered it but one useful mental exercise is to imagine putting on a protective suit at the start of the day and taking it off when you get home. Work stuff stays outside the suit, you don't let it get to the core of you. I know I'm explaining that terribly!

I also moved jobs to a place with a supportive culture where mistakes are learned from rather than made into a massive problem, which also helps.

@daisychain01 that’s pretty harsh. Obviously OP is more capable than she thinks and her work place agrees. You’re trying to feed her self-doubt and image of self worth.

Imposter syndrome is so common and I too feel it. Interestingly had a conversation with my male boss at my last appraisal who talked through his feelings on his anxiety.

A lot does come from childhood and often if you come from a fairly troubled background it’s likely you were keeping things afloat in a chaotic environment and never got nurtured as a child to develop that self worth.

Partly your success will be due to that environment your ability to get on no matter what - but as other posters have said there comes a time when you have to believe who you are now and your amazing achievements. I’m still working on it!

Sertraline (an SSRI) worked for me in a very similar situation - work stress which leached into all other areas of my life - couldn't sleep, couldn't stop thinking about work, felt terrified all the time. Eventually after an incident where I started crying and couldn't stop, I went to the GP and was prescribed the sertraline. My main concern was a quick fix - this was a new job and I was worried I wouldn't make it through the probationary period. I'm the sole earner in my family - husband is at university, two children. The responsibility I felt for them was probably also a major factor in the anxiety.

Not advising you go the same route, just giving my own experience: for me it worked great. I was on it for a little over a year. It provided a sort of emotional buffer; I found I was calmer more objective about situations at work which in turn gave me the mental space to learn my role.

Oh thank you for book recommendation and also the mental suit image- I love that and will definitely use it. Daisychain- I’m asking myself those very questions every day! My manager really convinced me to go for the job- she has so much belief in me and wants to progress me within the company. Now that I’ve got it I’m just feeling sick about the whole thing really. I know it sounds ridiculous as I’ve put myself in this situation, believe me I feel annoyed at myself for it every day. But I also want to fulfil my potential and think/hope that if I just get past these issues then I will be ok.

The other thing that stands out is that you are being expect to solve other people’s problems.

You may find it useful to read this article, about a manager (probably a composite of people?) that was able to arrange it so that his staff worked together to solve their own problems.

I would suggest a rather less blunt approach! However if you can train your staff to solve their own problems this he will be easier for you.

If you help them every time they come to you, they will keep on coming, you are doing their job for them, and you won’t get your own done.

www.stempeldrang.nl/uploads/4/8/5/5/4855530/macgregor.pdf

Can you exercise before work? Cycle or run to work? It’s the one thing that’s made the most difference to my mood: 40 minutes of physical work, hot shower, arrive upstairs looking freshly blow dried & made up. Then use the commute home to clear your mind of anything work related. And then you sleep really well because you’ve exhausted yourself. Might be a short-term fix while you sort out counseling/meds?

I think Daisy asks a useful question.

OP, do you respect your manager? Is she a liar, or an idiot?

If she isn’t an idiot or a liar, then you need to put your trust in her, she thinks you can do it, she isn’t stupid, believe in her and do a great job.

Feel for you as supported my daughter through something similar, she did take medication for a short while, to get her to feel calmer, and was lucky in having a great counsellor. It is not a quick fix, you could even try writing your concerns down, to get them out of your head.

LM86- thank you for that, a lot of what you say rings true for me, re chaotic environment etc. And FindoGask, thanks for sharing your experience. This is what gp wanted to put me on but I was so scared of side effects/long term implications that I said no. How were you coming off it after that year? Did your old habits return or were you ok?

Thanks everyone for replying, really appreciate it.

Yes- I respect my manager. She’s neither a liar nor an idiot, thankfully! I really do try to just trust in her but I also want to sort my own issues out once and for all.

I’ve just checked when my local pool opens to see if a pre-work swim is feasible and I think I could do it a couple of mornings a week so will try that, thanks for the tip.

user - I came off it in a gradual, staged way and didn't have any side-effects (though I should say, everyone is different). Now I'm fine (at least in terms of work stress!) - once I'd established myself in my role and in the organisation the source of the anxiety went away. Which it eventually would have done anyway perhaps, but I couldn't see a way through at that point.

Side effects were minimal apart from the first two weeks from starting the dose (which was low). Those were: sore jaw and a jittery feeling from time to time. After that, the main thing was that I didn't really cry very much for a year, which was a bit weird. I still felt all the same emotions, but it was like there was a buffer between the emotion and the physiological response. Like wanting to sneeze but not being able to.

Good luck with whatever route you take - reading your OP brought it all back to me, it's such a difficult and scary place to be in. But you will have been promoted because you can do this role; try to hold on to your manager's faith in you even if you don't yet have faith in yourself. And don't feel bad about needing extra support from your husband right now - I'm sure you support him too when he needs it. Take care x

I’ve been experiencing similar issues. Things that helped me;

I self referred to my local NHS trust and they were great, they organised a Phone consultation within a couple of days, a couple of days after that I had access to online CBT site with modules specifically for me. I know you said you didn’t work but I think it’s a skill that needs to be practiced.

I’ve subscribed to the headspace app ( mediation) this helps quieten my mind so it’s not constantly racing.

Trying to improve sleep and also reducing caffeine.

Personally I don’t think anxiety is something that can just be fixed with one thing. It takes work on a number of areas.

user1463259315 I'm glad you took my devils' advocate question in the spirit it was intended which was me being candid with you about my first impressions of surprise that, at a time when you would expect to at least be feeling energised and 'up for the challenge' you were expressing concerning and extreme feelings of anxiety which I felt went beyond just the normal feeling of "OMG!! now I have to deliver on my interview promises" that so many people experience.

As you know, as a manager, it is important to be introspective and ask searching and sometimes uncomfortable but honest questions, which you are doing already, and building coping strategies for yourself. Sometimes the times of darkness are the most character forming when you come out the other side.

Remember if your anxiety isn't under check, stress can have a damaging long term effect on your health and no job is worth harming yourself over. It is a strength not a weakness to be able to walk away from a harmful situation. I'm sure nobody wants you to do that, but if you did, it wouldn't be a failure (I've done it once in my career and the effect was transformational, my anxiety disappeared overnight!)

You’re trying to feed her self-doubt and image of self worth I wasn't trying to do anything - other than ask a difficult question based on the information the OP volunteered.

The last comment was in response to Lonelymum

OP I've just read your more recent posts and you sound a lot more upbeat. Keep up the fighting spirit.

You've had one round of CBT and not tried medication?

I'd go to the GP and ask for meds and counseling that will go deeper than the CBT.

Following with interest. I have struggled with imposter syndrome for years and even stupidly left a fully funded PhD because of it.

I took pregabalin for a while which helped immensely with the anxiety. It might be worth a shot? Although I've heard it's difficult to come off and generally has to be done very slowly.

Thanks again for comments. Daisychain- I am really concerned about the long-term effects the constant stress and anxiety could have on my health, which is one of the many reasons I’ve resolved to sort it. I’ve got an appointment with GP next week. The last visit was a disaster as I just sat there in tears and couldn’t explain myself properly and just left feeling foolish and like I’d wasted his time. But I genuinely feel braver after this post, so thank you everyone.

Oh and yes, I’ve had 6 months of unsuccessful CBT and no meds.