Is sexting as bad as cheating

[lessthanwise]

I'm just wondering what people think about this as a stand alone question. I think sexting is pretty bad but I think actually, physically sleeping with someone else is much, much worse.

I think you can come back from sexting but probably not from cheating.

AIBU?

It's just as bad. A drunken/ grief fuelled/ anger fuelled one night stand I MIGHT forgive. But sexting, like an affair , involves thought, consideration and very conscious effort. Such deep betrayal of trust- and faith, and love, no. I couldn't forgive that.

Let's see what The Chumplady Says about such things:

www.chumplady.com/2015/01/dear-chump-lady-im-due-give-birth-found-sexting/

If my DH sexted someone I'd consider that cheating. As soon as anyone starts looking outside a relationship for something it's on a downward slope. The clue's in the word - sex is on their mind whether it's text messages, a phone call or together in bed.

Yes.

Stop trying to rationalise it. You know it's not right or great. I know you're in a bad situation. I felt more vulnerable when pregnant than after I'd had the baby. You can do it alone if it comes to it.

Speak to him. You're not happy. He needs to grow up. He'll either choose you or decide he can't do it as he needs to shag around for a few years. You're better off without it rather than him being there reluctantly. Tell him he cuts off contact and you give it a go or if he wants he can leave. If he leaves you'll survive. No point having him if he's half there fgs. This talk you need to have with him might wake him up. Or it might not. What you don't want is to have this necessary talk so you're trying to get us to say yes, it's fine. Let him sext, he's with you babe, you've nothing to worry about etc. You're trying to live with it.

You can split amicably. Perhaps he can hang around as a friend for the baby coming and the first six weeks which are very hard. Don't hang on to him for the sake of it. Honestly, it doesn't sound a recipe for happiness what you have with him.

Yes sexting is cheating!

Any man who's mind and imagination is on another woman is cheating.

It will start out 'emotional' but it always ends up 'physical'.

If a man (or women) feels the need to 'connect' with another, it shows they are not commited in their relationship.

No matter what response you get though, you will keep defending his actions. You obviously want this to work because of the trouble you've gone through to get to this stage.

You are not enough for him. He didn't want a baby. He's 'stuck with you'. Have some self respect and walk away. You will be an even bigger laughing stock, when people find out he's shagging someone behind your back. Note I say when, not if.

I'm sorry that is harsh, but that is the reality. His adventurous sex life has nothing to do with this. If he loved and respected you he would not be looking elsewhere.

If you think this is bad, wait until you are sleep deprived, trying to lose baby weigh, you don't want sex because you are too sore or too tired, you spend your days covered in baby vomit, and just managing to shower is a good day! Fingers crossed you won't suffer from PND, because if you do, his behaviour is going to destroy you.

Just pack up and go now, he's not going to change, and stop making excuses for him.

Pitiful

Would they behave like that or say the things they are saying to person X in front of you?

If the answer is no then I’d say it’s inappropriate.

I’d say worse to be honest, it’s expressing a desire to do it.
Far worse in my view than a quick wham bam.... oh my god what did I do?

To continue texting someone, making an effort to turn them on... deffo worse than a fumble!

Even worse I’d say having read your other thread. You ruined two marriages to end up here, the least that fucker could do was make an actual effort to give you two a chance instead of allowing the inappropriate conversations to continue.
He has carried on talking to this woman despite her saying you’ve trapped him, sending him pics of her in underwear, he’s sent her pictures of you.

I’d forgive certain bits, but he allowed that other woman to speak about your unborn child like it’s an inconvenience and he allowed it.

There must be a reason why she feels that she can say these kind of things.

agree with PPs, never mind the sexting, he’s saying loud and clear that he feels trapped by you. It looks like this relationship is over whether you like it or not.

Let's put it this way. Sexing is a personal betrayal and it is wrong but it is a symptom of a larger problem in a relationship and one can find ways to understand and forgive. But a physical affairs risk the conception of a bastard which is wrong on so many levels. It is not only the betrayal of a husband/wife but the whole family (as it will invariable lead to a worsening of current children's lives through the dilution of parental resources) which I find unforgivable. Even worse is the bringing of an innocent child into such a difficult and painful situation. Securing, while hurtful doesn't have to result in any wide ranging consequences of both parties are willing to live through it but physical affairs can spiral out of control.

But a physical affairs risk the conception of a bastard

I've read a lot of shit on here but this . Wow

But a physical affairs risk the conception of a bastard which is wrong on so many levels

Oh ffs, which century are you from?

Well, your friend is right. What on earth did you expect? If you cheat with someone who is also cheating, it stands to reason they will happily cheat on you too.

I have no sympathy whatsoever; you’ve brought this entire situation upon yourself.

Yes

In a way its worse because there's no way it could be blamed on being a spur-of-the-moment /drunken mistake. Not that this is any excuse. But people sexting always know exactly what they're doing and put s great deal of time and thought into it...

Sorry but I think your friend was right.
Sexting is cheating btw.

Ditch him and concentrate on your baby.

I think they're just as bad as each other given that either, for me, would end up with the scummy lying bastard heading on a one way trip to dumpsville

Yes it's cheating and possibly even worse than a drunken fuck because it implies a sustained emotional attachment. This horse is dead, OP.