To not ever want to speak to my Mother again

[Whooptydoo1]

I’m sorry if this is a bit long but please bear with me, I really need some help, for as long as I can remember my mum has been a nightmare, she married my step father wen I was 5 and after unsuccessfully trying to palm me off on my father and his new wife cut them out of my life completely. My mum and step dad rowed constantly and would fight physically, smashing up the house etc, u would often get dragged into these arguments eg on a couple of occasions by step father dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night to make my mother tell me “she was leaving us” they both had issues with drink and my step father also abused drugs in the home. They split up 15 yrs ago but my mothers drinking got worse, eg she turned up on the post natal ward at tea time the day I had my son so drunk she was slurring her words. 2 years ago she got a place in a rehab, checked herself out after a week and within 6 hours had drunk a litre and half of brandy and a bottle of wine, she then tried to attack me and was restrained by my brother, I’ve only seen her in a few occasions since and avoid her as best I can but she won’t leave me alone. She has called 6 times this week and I’ve ignored her but had a text saying she really needed to speak to me so I stupidly called, she apparently doesn’t understand why I “dislike” her, I’m a liar and a fantasist and she’s not a bad person, phone call ended with her literally wailing incoherently for several minutes until I agreed to see her face to face, I just wish she’d leave me alone, I don’t know what to do. Sorry this is so long but it’s just the tip of the iceberg

If you've got kids at school, just tell the school she's never allowed to collect the children, just thinking in case she turns up drunk - I very much doubt they'd allow her to anyway but just in case

I feel your pain and think you should consider NC

My mum was a very heavy drinker and I was so ashamed of her and kept it a secret from everyone I knew, she eventually moved to Australia and it was such a relief to only have speak on the phone albeit she was usually plastered and wanted to talk for hours .... the day before my alevel exams she got horrendously pissed and threatened suicide because my Grandad had a lady friend she didn't like (grand mother had died 15 years before) she locked herself in the bathroom and I had to call my uncle to collect her and drive her to my grandads house - it was awful, she called the next morning for a lift home, told her no because I'd be late for my exams and hung up on her. She never apologised and when I brought it up she'd just say 'it didn't affect your results you're still at university'
She was just as awfully drunk when my DD was born, phones the hospital to get me to tell her DD name (drunk, didn't even ask how I was just a too posh to push comment after 36 failed induction hours and subsequent section because Dd was in distress) said she hated the name and subsequently phoned my whole family to badger me to change her name ... I didn't

She died a few years ago of organ failure through booze abuse

#flumpybear she sounds very like my mother, I’ve lost count of the number of times she’s threatened suicide, I’ve gone round so many times to check on her and tried to help, I even took her to an alcohol services appointment while I was having my 4th miscarriage in a row and they couldn’t even get any blood from her because she was so dehydrated from drink, she then had the gall to be pissed off wen I didn’t let her know I was pregnant with my daughter, who I’ve not even let her meet (I’m so awful). I’ve blocked the bitch, hopefully she’ll do the world a favour and die, but she’ll hang on for years (i know this is a terrible thing to say but she’s just horrible). I’m sorry about ur mum, I hope uv found happiness now x

Your title says your Mother but nothing you wrote describes one.

I went NC with my mother 6 months ago.

In all honesty, hardest thing I’ve ever done. You have to manage the guilt even though you’ve done nothing wrong because we’re so hardwired to love our parents unconditionally and are made to feel like awful people for needing to do it.

You deserve a happy family unit and if that’s without her, then you need to cut ties.

Maybe seek counselling. I have and it’s really helped to have ‘normal behaviours’ pointed out as what they are. Abuse.

Good luck.

What was also awful was that when sober my mum was such a lovely person, I couldn't ever have gone NC because she was so lovely .... but only when sober ... jeckell and Hyde 😞

Send her one last letter telling her how you feel, that no-one is more sorry than you that it has to be this way, but you have realised that she is completely incapable of change and you need to move on for your own sanity.

And then block her for good. Move house if need be. Do everything in your power to sever every possible connection that could lead her back to you. You will feel an immense sense of peace and wellbeing once you allow yourself permission to be free of this awful burden. You've done enough, you've tried enough. It's time.

Send her a message that you're not going to meet up face to face - don't meet her op. Then block her.

Ps. You don't have to justify yourself to her, you don't need her approval and you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about.