To envy parents of non-allergic kids...

[stopeatingnow]

As the title says really...

As my dd is getting older, the allergies seem to be causing more and more problems with parties etc. I feel like I'm the 'allergy mum', the one who always has to say no my kid can't have that...also stressing about school/when other kids invite her over for dinner (if they even want to have an allergy kid round that is...)

Can anyone make me feel better about what it will be like? She's anaphylactic to 2 types of nuts

At least nut allergies are taken seriously. My dd’s best friend is anypylactic to sulphites and a kid in her class is anaphylactic to celery. It just sounds like you are making it up if you say that!

It is hard (dd is anaphylactic to peanuts) but you do get used to it and better at dealing with it. Your child gets used to not being able to have certain things in certain situations and as they get older they start being able to manage it themselves. Reading the packets when they are offered a biscuit at someone’s house.

I think you are probably at the hardest stage where she is doing things without you, but not yet able to be independently in control. it must be very hard for you all.

In terms of having a child to dinner as I parent I would welcome very direct rules as to cooking or would be completely happy to feed her something you sent along. Also brief the parents on epipen etc fully so they feel more confident.

Good luck x

My 11yo ds has multiple severe allergies, carries epipens, along with a load of other medication.
I'm not going to say it gets easier, but it becomes normal.
He's used to taking his own food to parties, on the odd occasion he gets invited.
He's used to not being able to eat out.
He's used to eating something slightly different from the rest of us.
I'm used to turning down invitations as he can't go, or being the only parent to stay at a party just in case.
I'm used to calling venues to see if they can cater for him, then having an argument when we turn up with his own food.
I'm used to taking a bag of food everywhere, along with making sure he's got his med bag.
You'll probably find that other parents are much more understanding than you'd expect - we have many friends who go out of their way to try to cater for him, and who call me excitedly from asda as they've spotted something new he can have.
It doesn't get easier, but it does get easier to deal with.
Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

DS2 was briefly on a dairy / soy free diet. It was a total PITA. I cannot begin to understand how it must be to have a child with actual real life threatening allergies. Or how it must feel to let them be independent from you.

DS1 has a friend with aunt allergy. He comes on play dates with his bag with Epipen in it. I feel honoured that his mum trusts us, and utterly paranoid about what I feed him, and making sure that my kids haven’t touched or eaten any of the allergens prior to him visiting.

Aunt allergy!? NUT allergy.

My DSS is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. Christmas is quite stressful because as well as the buying of everything else, treat shopping takes forever because you have to check everything. The staple celebrations/heroes/quality street tubs are a no go. So it's multiple boxes of maltesers, matchmakers and bags of anything Nestle but not the festive stuff because it's a 'May contain' !!!!

The rest of the year is better. I have become a good baker as a result of the allergy - which is a plus. And we are generally cook from scratch which helps.

Eating out is indeed a bit of a nightmare but better than it used to be. Although we stick to chains that have a published policy which is a bit dull.

Have you watched the new Netflix series 'Rotten'? Episode 2 is about allergies and is interesting. Nothing new in terms of what us allergy mum's already know but it's always nice to see a programme about it.

I have had my kids allergic friends over before. It is a bit daunting (depending on allergy) one was allergic to nuts, soya and bananas. I checked meal ideas and provided mum with full list of ingredients. She has a little bag of epipen and piriton that she takes to peoples houses/clubs. I was more worried that mine have crunchy nut cereal and there might be stray flakes (she was allergic to touching them as well as eating). It gets much easier from my point of view as they get older as they know what they can and can't eat/touch. I think volunteering to send them with a packed tea for play dates and parties also helps nervous hosts and would relieve your anxiety that they'd be safe.

My kid is anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts and shell fish.

I’m definitely that ‘allergy mum’....

Out of interest what can’t she have at parties? I don’t think I’ve ever seen nuts at a kids party.

Thanks so much for your replies. Even just to know I'm not the only one feeling like this.

Kids parties are a nightmare - most biscuits/chocolates/cakes are at least a may contain. We avoid all may contain/made in a factory which handles nuts...so even snacks/rolls etc which have been taken out of packets and put out could be a risk to her.

I've got so used to keeping our house safe from nuts and only taking her to a couple of restaurants which we trust that it just seems so daunting. Luckily the nursery is nut free but parents still send cakes in for birthdays which are 'may contain'...

I have anaphylaxis, although not "true" anaphylaxis as it's Sulphites.

It's hell on earth as it appears I don't even have to eat the damn things (and they really are in a lot of food) to have a reaction. A friend kissed me goodbye a few weeks ago and my face swelled up.

It does get easier - and I think it will be easier for you all once your DD is old enough to know how to use her own epipen and take responsibility for using that and checking foodtypes too, but I can imagine it being really tough when they are little.

My son is allergic to tomatoes, it's only a mild allergy, triggers his ecezma. It's a pain having to check new stuff but luckily it isn't life threatening. He is good at reminding others he can't have tomatoes, parties at soft plays have been a pain because they usually only have tomatoes sauce to go with the chicken nuggets or sausages so I carry a few sachets of mayo with me.

I'm happy to cater for anyone with an allergy as long as I'm told.

DS is allergic to eggs, pistachios and cashews and at age 8 has recently outgrown a dairy allergy. It gets easier overtime, particularly as you identify easy alternatives and meal options. I always send food on play dates and speak to restaurants in advance - it has never been a problem, and allergy menus are now commonplace. We send a bag of sweets into school at the start of the year and the teacher swaps out any other treats that make it into the classroom e.g. other kids birthday cake or treats, but in practice many now bring him in haribo as birthday treats. He is also much more able to speak up about what he can eat which makes life less worrisome e.g. when he moved to the junior school and breakfast club didn’t read his records and tried to give him cows milk on cereal.

I also frequently hear stories from DS about how other children cope. He told me that his nut allergic friend saw him eating sandwiches with brown paste in (was marmite but friend thought it was choc spread or nut butter) so friend sent him to wash his hands and face before they played together!

Not sure how bad my sons allergies since from a young age he immediately vomited on any trace of egg or red fruit (including uncooked tomato and some cooked tomato products). Since then we haven't given him anything that could make him ill or he automatically avoids it (his body just knows maybe?)

I am that mum at school or parties that is a bit precious over what he's eating. I don't want him being sick let alone anaphylactic shock. I also worry I haven't reintroduced enough food yet at age 7 yet he still gets violently sick if he has ice cream with egg in

My thoughts are with you op, bit no advice sorry!

@Pardalis (and other nut allergy mums) if you're on Facebook check out the group Nutfreeliving Guide. Members post details of foods that are free of nut traces, especially at Christmas and Easter. It saves so much time reading endless packaging in the supermarkets and being frustrated by all the "may contain"s.

I think you’re all doing a great job, a former allergy child here with my experience, hope that’s okay.. I’m in my 20s and I’m anyphlactic to peanuts but also have coeliac disease and I really feel for you as it almost seems like people are getting less sympathetic as I get older (I’ve been bullied using peanuts a few times - girl breathing on me when I was about 10, people at uni putting peanuts in my cupboard, rubbing them on my door handles etc) and it’s great that you are all so vilgiant and I wish more people understood just how hard and terrifying allergies are to deal with.

I’m not a mum but I am a nanny and it’s quite hard telling people you work for not to have nuts out and their kids would previously go to school/after school with peanut bars and sandwiches, despite allergies being so common. People don’t always take adults seriously with allergies - I found it easier when I was a child because people are more wary of harming children than adults.. If anything I would say more kids eat nuts now than they did when I was a kid so I really feel for kids growing up now with allergies. Although ingredient labelling is much better now than it ever was when I was a kid and people seem to take allergies more seriously now (when my mum complained because I’d just had my sixth reaction to people eating peanut butter sandwiches she was told people had a right to eat what they wanted)

I'm used to DS's allergies and it only hits me when I take DD (no allergies) to a party. I can just drop her off .