I'm in the same position with my mother so I feel your pain, it's almost as though I'm reading my own post. It's horrible, embarrassing, tacky and infuriating.
She shows herself up. She shows me up, the family, everybody.
I've tried all I can think of. I've begged, pleaded, cried and shouted to no avail. Dragged her to support groups which she refuses to engage in. Dragged her to the doctors which was pointless as she doesn't want help. Everything.
Like yours, mine is also super defensive when the topic of drink is mentioned and she won't come close to admitting it's a problem. Her favourite lines when confronted are:
"Ohhh I'm alright"
"I just like a little drink I'm not hurting anybody"
"I know my own body"
See sadly like most addicts it's all about them with no thought as to how their behaviour impacts the family and those around them.
Unfortunately her closest relatives are enablers who just turn the other cheek and let her carry on regardless, nobody wants to back me in cutting her off as a shock factor because they don't want to deal with her lashing out. I'm that sick of it im seriously considering not allowing her anywhere near my son who's due in two weeks, although even the perceived threat of that happening isn't enough to make her see sense. What's worse is that she's a lovely, helpful and kind person when not on drink but we rarely see that side of her these days.
It's hard to admit but some people are beyond help, if only for the simple reason that they don't actually want to change. Like my mum, if yours is happy to carry on as she is then nothing in the world will make her stop. I know that's a harsh reality to face. There really is next to nothing we can do about them other than put up our own barriers and protect ourselves from being totally overwhelmed by it all.
We can't control their actions all we can do is control how we deal with it, in my case I believe it will boil down to me having to cut contact completely because I just can't deal with the way her behaviour makes me feel.
I do however believe if I had more backing from the family who would be prepared to intervene and say enough is enough, were having nothing to do with you until you stop, things may change - but I'm not that lucky. Unfortunately so long as she's got a few close relatives who are fine with who she's become, my opinion doesn't matter all that much.
I so hope that things change for you OP, I really do. I wouldn't wish a drunk mother on anybody.
In the mean time, don't let her selfishness consume you. You must focus on yourself. You are fighting a losing battle pouring all of your energy and emotion into trying to help somebody who doesn't want help x