Replacing jewellery

[Appleandbanana123]

Should I suddenly die, I want my son to have straightforward access to the little that I own. My engagement ring and a few other pieces of jewellery would add to the total but they were purchased by my husband during his trips to Dubai, and I have no receipts or certificates. I could picture my husband wanting to hold on to those and therefore a crazy thought occurred to me: what if I was to replace the gems with fakes and put the money in the bank? Or I could get them evaluated and certified (plus specified in my will?) although there is still a chance that they may go 'walkabout' Also, if something happen such as an accident, perhaps the engagement ring in particular would be lost forever and as such it'd be best to have the money in savings or similar... Please, don't judge...I am just trying to ensure that my son gets everything so that I've left him with some form financial assistance.

I'm another one who can see two distinct issues here.

One being that you can't trust your husband to abide by your wishes and do the right thing by your son.

The other, easy to resolve issue, is the matter of who inherits your jewellery. For this, you should ensure that you have a will which is clear and unambiguous. A solicitor will be able to advise you best, particularly if you are honest about your fears about your husband depriving your son of assets left to him.

The first issue is potentially much harder to resolve. Personally, if I had reason to believe that my husband would behave like this towards my son, then that would be the end of the marriage. But it's not always as easy to do as to say. But you really need to think about this relationship and its future.

There appears to be a back story of you not trusting your second husband.
I actually think it's odd to gift your DS something his step dad gave you. Why wouldn't you want your husband to have a keepsake as he loves you dearly?
All I have goes to my DH first and I think he'll want to treasure the rings he gave me with love as a memory of me. Maybe he would gift to my DC later on.
Perhaps you could put away money for your son if it's that important?
IMHO our DC need to make their own way and should not have financial security just because of inheritance.

I would speak to a solicitor to see how to leave your estate; it can differ from country to country - such as specific shares to spouse and children in Scotland.

I would also speak to a financial adviser about investing for your son.

What did you do with your previous engagement ring, that you got from his father? While a gift is a gift, and you are entitled to leave your jewellery to your child/children, your current husband may well wish to keep such a significant ring as the engagement ring. While my father considered all my mother's jewellery to be mine on her death, you may have to be more specific. I suspect it might be more use to leave your jewellery to be worn by or remade for any future wife or grandchildren, assuming he is your only child, than selling it for value.

1. I think jewellery your DH bought you should revert to him on your death. Would be different if it was bought with your money or joint money.

1. Look into getting a life insurance policy to pay out to your son in the event of your death to cover uni expenses.

1. Look into getting your son named as the beneficiary of your pension.

In short, go and see a solicitor who can in turn refer you to a financial adviser.

I had to sell it as he left us in a seriously precarious financial situation.

If I leave my jewellery out of the will so that my husband can treasure it and he then passes away, without a will (which will be the case as he is got no inclination to get one done) it will all go to his four children. I am assuming that the ones here saying I should sort out my marriage think that this is ok? Do people really don't understand that: a) this is really not what post was about; b) mixed families ARE complicated and humans ARE unpredictable!

And DS has worked and earned his own money since he was 15. He's worked for Waitrose since he was 16 and moved in with two of his best friends shortly after school finished. He doesn't necessarily need my help but I WANT to be able to help him if I can - whether it's with driving license, uni fees or a starter savings for a mortgage later on. Again, this has got nothing to do with my initial post.

I am not saying that DH would turn his back on DS; he wouldn't.

I read your OP as you saying your DH would be prepared to lie about whether the jewellery was actually yours in order to stop your son getting what you leave to him.

If he wouldn't I don't see why you need more than a conversation with your husband and putting it in the will that these things go to your son on your death.

If you want half (or all) of your share of a house or something else that is jointly owned to go to your son either on your death or, particularly for property, after your DH dies, that becomes more tricky and you may need to talk with a lawyer about how to do that best. That's normally what the letters to the Telegraph are about.

boomboom thank you. I only mentioned the letters online as examples that modern family set ups can be tricky and I shouldn't be made to feel like my marriage is a failure only because I am trying to work through what looks like a bit of a mine field

chicken thank you. Both pension and life insurance covered as I've had those in place for a very long time

I have seen some truly shocking behaviour by some men after the death of their wife. One family lost their mum aged 60, before six months had elapsed their dad remarried ( absolutely unexpected) and literally ALL of their mother’s possessions were given to the new wife. When their dad dies, some 15 years later the new wife kept the lot. They inherited nothing from his large estate.

Get a clear and unambiguous will. So many people here have blithely said the jewellery won’t be worth much but that’s nonsense, it may be extremely valuable. In which case of course it should be valued and insured. And unless you have existing health conditions I would consider getting an insurance policy to cover your life until your ds is an independent adult.

Why the weird face for your DH treasuring something he gifted to you?
I genuinely don't understand.
You've already done life insurance, pension beneficiary in favour of DS so your DH must be financially secure.
However, will everything to your son and it'll be fine and you'll be happy. Btw second hand jewellry usually values at 1/3 of actual valuation when sold.

You can make a will leaving your ring to your son, or you can make a will leaving it to your DH but with stipulations that he cannot dispose of it as it has to be passed to your son on your DHs death.

I'm executor of a Friends will which states that if she dies first her half of their house goes to her DDs but they have to allow her DH (their step dad) to remain in residence until he either dies or remarries (in which case he buys out their share or sells and gives them their share). I don't see why the same scenario couldn't be applied to an engagement ring.

The ring vs the house scenario - there are important differences:

1. a ring is not someone's home that they're potentially being turfed out of shortly after being widowed
2. half the house already belongs to your friend's DH by the sounds of it.
3. People can share a house (all live together) whereas a ring can only be worn by one person at a time.

What if the DH lives a long time, with the ring tucked in a drawer? That's not going to benefit the son. So it's a bit woolly to leave the ring to DH and on his death, the son. I appreciate the point is to avoid the stepchildren inheriting.

There are a lot of restrictions on leaving gifts in wills with conditions attached. Eg stuff like "my son can have my fortune but only if he doesn't marry x" held unenforceable in Scotland at least.

As pp have said make a clear and concise will, leave it with your lawyer. I would like to think that my DH & DS would pass my jewellery to the people I have listed in my will & my DS would pass the rest on his partner & children eventually or sell it if he ever needed to do so.

OP, could you not just talk to your DH and say that you've been thinking and if anything happens to you you would like your jewellery to go to your son. Say you have both struggled since his dad left you high and dry and if you can help him out in any way, you would live to.

Tell him you will state this in a wil and then surely that's that? Putting glass in your rings seems all very cloak and dagger, unless you think your DH is underhand in some way?

And btw may I suggest your friend has her will such that her widower has to give up his "liferent" as we call it in Scotland (his right to live in the property) not just if he remarries but if he moves in with a partner - either in their former home or in the new partner's.

I'd be a bit fucked off tbh if my dad spent money on my (imaginary) stepmother and then her children ultimately inherited it ALL instead of me. Particularly if said children were also inheriting from their own father.

My understanding is that legally at least, a spouse cannot "gift" anything to the other spouse. All remains matrimonial property, jointly owned.

Just thinking out loud. Money, death, inheritance and stepfamilies is a perfect storm.

You're being very odd in your responses.

You never said initially that ds wasn't your dh's so banging on about people being naive about the complexities of blended families is a bit much.

It's all largely irrelevant anyway, unless your rings are extremely valuable. All the dramatics about replacing gems etc...it's strange and unnecessary.

Unless you're in possession of the Hope Diamond, I think you're alright.

@MadMags
Unless you're in possession of the Hope Diamond, I think you're alright.

I nearly wet myself!

My great-grandfather was a self-made rather wealthy man, good business, big Victorian house, land, tenancies, etc. My great-grandmother died when their children were young adults and he remarried. He hadn't made a will stipulating anything about his children so when he died she got everything and then passed it on to her nieces and nephews when she died rather than to his children. Luckily they had had some money given to them during his lifetime but the vast majority of his estate ended up with people he didn't really know.

Always make sure that things are specified in wills, particularly with regard to children and surviving/second spouses.

My Dad has a new partner. Currently, everything is willed to me and I'd never kick her out of the house when he dies- she loves my Dad.
But he could will it to her and her DC would benefit from my Dad and not me when she passes.
I guess I just don't live waiting to get money/items from my dad's death. My financial worries and supporting my family are not dependent on my Dad's demise. He can will HIS stuff to who he wants. I'll still love him. His jewellery is not him. I will have great memories of a loving father whether he wills me anything or not.

If you've got life insurance that pays out to your son, surely the jewellery is insignificant, unless they're extremely high value items?

Just get them valued and add the certificate to any copy of your will so that the executor will have a clear list of your belongings.