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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbor borrowing stuff.

43 replies

Pereie · 06/01/2018 11:33

AIBU?

I recently introduced myself to a new neighbour on the street. She seems really nice, like someone I would like to get to know.

I noticed she was struggling with something so offered to help out. It wasn't a big deal and easy for me to help.

This was last week.

Literally every day since we met I have had a text message from her asking me to help with something or to borrow something or other.

A few days ago she asked to borrow my vacuum cleaner, she has a young baby so I took it over the road in the pissing rain to save her faffing with baby. I was just in the door and had my jacket on so again, no big deal. I did mention when I dropped it off that I feel very nauseous and couldn't face emptying the compartment. (I have horrid morning sickness) I apologised and mentioned that it would need to be emptied before she used it. It really was already full so I was quite embarrassed, but just couldn't face doing it.

ANYWAY. Later on that night the door bell goes and I answer with a cheerful HELLLLOOOOO! (I was waiting for a friend and fully expected it to be her!) I was quite flustered to find a stranger on my doorstep holding my vacuum. I laughed off the strange hello I gave when I answered the door explaining that I though he was someone else. He didn't really say anything, grunted and handed the vacuum back. He looked annoyed and it was just weird. Maybe because it was raining? I haven't met this guy before and I assume it's neighbours partner.

The vacuum cleaner was stuffed full when it came back. Like, her dirt on top of my dirt full. That really annoyed me because I'm pretty sure it's not good for the hoover to be so full and I asked her to empty it before she used it. I wouldn't have minded so much if it came back just full of her dirt (though out of politeness I would have though she would empty it) but the fact that it wasn't emptied when she started really annoyed me.

I haven't heard from her or grumpy partner since so maybe she thinks I was being unreasonable to ask her to empty it to start with.

Apologies for long post about vacuum dust!

(Oh and I know it wasn't emptied before because my vacuum was full of glitter and brightly coloured feathers so it was pretty obvious!)

OP posts:
Bizzysocks · 06/01/2018 11:43

Maybe they didn't know how to empty it? My mum has hoovered for me once but said she couldn't figure out how to empty it.

I think it's a small thing to be so irritated by. But the messages every day asking for favours are too much, you need to start saying no before you become resentful of being taken for granted. Just realised you already feel resentful which is why you are so irritated buy them not emptying the hoover. So YANBU.

SheSparkles · 06/01/2018 11:48

Nip it in the bud now. Years ago I had a neighbour who started like this, borrowing things, it wasn’t long before she was looking to borrow money. Fortunate We didn’t tend to keep much cash in the house at that time so it was easy to say no. Once I’d turned her down she went to her neighbour on the other side, who was a lovely person and was taken for an absolute ride

whoareyoukidding · 06/01/2018 11:48

You've had a lucky escape, OP. It is not right to ask neighbours for favours every day. I would keep my distance in the future if I were you.

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 11:53

Agree, nip it in the bud now. It'll be a millstone around your neck else. It doesn't matter if she's funny with you. Some people are users and that's that.

CheekyFuckersAreEntertaining · 06/01/2018 12:21

I agree with the rest. Nip it in the bud now. It just escalates.

I leant a nearby neighbour my electric hand mixer once for some cooking she was doing. I struggled to get it back. She then asked for it again and I couldn't think of a good reason to say no then I had to chase her down for it back again. All I could think was "FFS! You can buy these for a tenner!" In the end I bought her one and told her it was for her birthday.

Now she's asking for everything else! You can get almost anything on the local FB pages for free or extremely cheap so there's no excuse for constant boring off people.

CheekyFuckersAreEntertaining · 06/01/2018 12:22

**borrowing

swingofthings · 06/01/2018 12:26

First a start, does she know your pregnant? Personally, it wouldn't have come to my mind in your situation to ask the neighbour to empty it. I wouldn't think one lot of dirt after one hoover would destroy it.

If I'd been in her shoes, I would have found it an odd request.

The good thing is that she is much less likely to ask for a favour now, so hopefully it won't be an issue again!

chocolatespiders · 06/01/2018 12:26

You have reminded me my neighbour borrowed a heater about 5 weeks ago until she got her heating fixed!

If I had borrowed it I would have emptied it.

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 12:35

Personally, it wouldn't have come to my mind in your situation to ask the neighbour to empty it. OP was feeling nauseous and couldn't face emptying it, that's the least the neighbour could have done was to empty it.

Original poster
Pereie · 06/01/2018 13:29

Thanks for all the replies.

I never thought about it as dodging a bullet before, but you are all totally right!

I'm glad she thinks I'm a weirdo for asking her to empty it before she used it Grin

(Even though she didn't bother)

I always empty the vacuum before I use it, so maybe I'm just more militant about it than most... or maybe that's why her vacuum broke in the first place Hmm

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 06/01/2018 13:30

Maybe this has solved your problem!

Be unavailable to help next time.

Ginmakesitallok · 06/01/2018 13:33

Do you empty your vacuum cleaner every time you use it?? Weird.

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 13:34

I always empty my vacuum after use, in case there's any bugs trapped Grin

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 13:35

Do you empty your vacuum cleaner every time you use it?? Weird. I don't thinks it's weird, I don't vacuum very often so it needs it!

Wolfiefan · 06/01/2018 13:35

She can't borrow stuff if you don't lend it. Confused

BertrandRussell · 06/01/2018 13:37

So last week you helped her, and every day since last week she’s texted you as,I got to borrow something? How many things have you lent her?

Original poster
Pereie · 06/01/2018 13:45

Bertandrussel,

Yeah, every day I got texts. Help setting up her tv, cup of milk, post a letter, electric heater, toolkit.

Literally every day. But not a peep since hoover.

I really don't mind helping out and she always returns the bits, but if someone is kind enough to loan you their things you should treat them the way they ask IMO.

Haha, I usually empty it after each use not before, but again nausea got the better of me the last time I used it. I don't like the idea of a big box of dust and crap sitting under my stairs when it could be in the bin.

OP posts:
Figrollsnotfatrolls · 06/01/2018 13:50

I had a cf neighbour once.
She asked if i had any pj's she could borrow-thought maybe her washing machine was on the blink (?!)
Handed over my best black silky ones (never wore them as slipped about like a wet fish in bed tbh!)
Got them back all clean +folded.
Again she asked to borrow them as apparently her bf liked her wearing them while they had sex!! Told her she was very welcome to just keep them!!

Original poster
Pereie · 06/01/2018 13:56

Again she asked to borrow them as apparently her bf liked her wearing them while they had sex!! Told her she was very welcome to just keep them!!

And people think I'm weird for emptying my hoover Shock

OP posts:
Shoulditellher1 · 06/01/2018 13:57

It’s possible she thinks you are the CF. Maybe she thinks you only loaned her your vacuum cleaner so that you didn’t have to empty it! Grin

P.S she is most definitely the CF, not you to be clear!

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 13:59

Again she asked to borrow them as apparently her bf liked her wearing them while they had sex!! Told her she was very welcome to just keep them!! FGS Grin

Tip: Vacuum contents empty into garden bin.

NewBeginning2018 · 06/01/2018 15:09

OP, I hate borrowing and people borrowing from me; unless it's really necessary and urgent. This reminds me of my cousin, she will borrow everything and asked to be accommodated at any opportunity possible.

emmyrose2000 · 07/01/2018 06:00

I agree with PP to nip this in the bud now. Refuse to lend her anything else from now on. She's a user, plain and simple.

The person who returned the vacuum was extremely rude not to thank you profusely and exchange the bare minimum of pleasantries. That display of ungratefulness would definitely make me cut off the gravy train immediately.

Help setting up her tv, cup of milk, post a letter, electric heater, toolkit
She wanted help posting a letter?? Unless it was simply asking for the location of the nearest mailbox, she's definitely taking you for a ride.

RestingGrinchFace · 07/01/2018 06:06

Why are you doing favours for someone you've just met? A good rule of thumb with neighbours is to keep them at arms length until you are sure that you will get on.

MrsDilber · 07/01/2018 06:17

Be prepared to say no in future, a lot of people find it uncomfortable to do, but they're taking the piss. Her partner could've come and fetched it in the first place.

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