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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have told FIL off?

15 replies

HannaPintura · 06/01/2018 08:49

Last night FIL, DP and I went to a family party. It was a great evening. Just for context, DP have been together 10 years, aren't married but I am close to his family. DP is 40s and FIL in his late 70s.

We aren't from round here where the party is so we travelled in and stayed at a hotel.

In the taxi back to the hotel, the poor driver was having a time of it. He wasn't sure where the hotel was (5 miles away from the party) and his sat nav wasn't playing. Poor driver,but he pulled over so he could get directions on his phone.

DP and FIL (well FIL really! Then starts on at driver saying 'why don't you know where you're going', 'bloody hell, it's only 5 miles out, you should know where it is' and I mean really going on and on with Dp snipping in his comments. FIL then asks taxi driver if he's licensed...well, doh, we ordered the taxi from a taxi base and yep he had all the relevant ID and plates on his taxi and by this time I was so embarrassed I told FIL to shut up, to leave the taxi driver alone and FIL said right, right trying to appease me but I was pissed off. He has a habit of running of his mouth, he'll swear black is white etc and thinking he's right and justified all the time.

When we reached hotel we got out of the taxi and I apologized for their behaviour and taxi driver was lovely and said it was fine, and when we got out of cab FIL apologized to me because he could tell I was mad and then started on...'but he should really know where he's going' and going on and on again. I snapped at this point and asked if Dp would necessarily know every location if it wasn't in his immediate area (he's also a taxi driver) and he was trying to justify himself and I said that to speak to someone like he did was mean and nasty and that the driver was just trying to make a living, he's not a robot, he's a human and he should have a bit of bloody compassion and that he embarrassed me asking it the taxi diver was licensed (it's a hard and expensive job to do and to get licensed) FIL apologised again, have me a hug goodnight and we went to our rooms. I just can't stand unkindness.

Now I'm totally in the doghouse with DP. He says I shouldn't have spoken to his dad like that but I feel his dad shouldn't be running off his mouth like he does. His dad regularly also speaks to me like shit at times and DP knows this and doesn't challenge him. I'm well and truly in the doghouse and wish I'd never bloody gone to the party!!!

OP posts:
mumtoanangel · 06/01/2018 08:56

Ignore your dp. You are completely in the right.no one deserves to be spoken to like dirt xx

MrsMozart · 06/01/2018 08:56

DP needs to get his head out of his arse.

RainbowPastel · 06/01/2018 09:20

He didn't go about it the right way but I agree with him. The taxi driver should know where he is going and not rely on the sat navigation.

mineallmine · 06/01/2018 09:24

If you ordered the taxi from a taxi base, didn't you have to say where you were going? So surely the taxi driver should have known where he was going?

Shumpalumpa · 06/01/2018 09:26

YANBU.

Well done for speaking up.

You seem to be more confident challenging your FIL than your DH.

Your DH seems to care more about his dad's feelungs than yours.

As FIL seemed to respond well to criticism, I would ensure you a,ways speak up when FIL talks to you like shit.

And if DH objects, dump the coward.

HannaPintura · 06/01/2018 09:38

Thanks all for your replies. I do agree the taxi driver should know where he's going but he's human he didn't, and it was more the way FIL and DP just started going on at the poor driver. He can't possibly know every place, he was trying and even I'm not perfect at my job. While ideally I should be 100% on my product knowledge I'm not because I'm not a robot and when I say to a customer I'm sorry I don't know but I'll certainly try my best for you that is fine.

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 06/01/2018 09:45

So in your DP's eyes you're not allowed to challenge your FiL for behaving unpleasantly, but FiL is allowed to speak to you like shit with no comeback? He has a very strange set of priorities.

rothbury · 06/01/2018 09:46

Gosh this reminds me of the time I chased a young waitress into a pub kitchen to apologise for how unbearably fucking rude XFIL had been to her.

She was only about sixteen and was close to tears.

YANBU

claraschu · 06/01/2018 09:53

Usually people who are rude to drivers (waiters, hotel personnel, etc) lash out at (or ignore) anyone who dares to criticise their behaviour, so I am impressed that your FIL took what you were saying on board. Good on you for challenging him, and good on him for apologising!

WeAllHaveWings · 06/01/2018 09:55

You fil was out of order, but thinking about how my parents are/were in their late 70s I would have been kinder (ironically) in stopping him picking on the cabbie.

Your dh on the other hand not recognising/dealing the problem and even contributing to it would not be treated with such kid gloves.

HannaPintura · 06/01/2018 11:19

Thanks for all your messages. We took FIL away with us abroad for a few weeks earlier this year and although he wasn't rude directly to anyone he was rude behind their backs and was rude to me, but it's not always obvious so dp ignores it/doesn't hear it. I totally had enough of him last night and flipped! Regret it a little this morning if only because I usually am non confrontational and like peace and harmony! xxx

OP posts:
CherryMaDeara · 06/01/2018 12:16

Sigh. OP ignores every comment about her DH not standing up for her.

Go back to being a doormat peace and quiet OP.

Coolaschmoola · 06/01/2018 12:20

So you bollocked your FIL but said nothing to your DH about his behaviour even though he was also 'snipping' at the taxi driver?

Why?

Blackteadrinker77 · 06/01/2018 12:24

I'd go for a coffee just you and DFIL, talk it out and then forget about it.

Bridechilla · 06/01/2018 12:28

Surprised your DP didn't empathise with the driver tbh

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