To think she is doing it deliberately?

[whydobirds]

Every night, I run myself a lovely, deep, hot bath, lie down in it, maybe with a delicious gin and tonic, preparing to relax after a long day at work.
And every night, without fail, ten minutes in, the bastard (indoor) cat pushes the door open and comes in for a shit (small house, litter tray in bathroom). So now I have to try to relax in a room that smells like off pork.
She's doing it on purpose isn't she. Git..

Time to add a nice candle to the mix? Lighting a match helps with human smells so maybe it'd help with the smell?

I think she luffs you.

Bought a new rug for my bedroom. She thinks I have got her a new puke mat.

Dogs feel vulnerable when they poop which is why they stare lovingly at their owners as they shit

I laughed out loud at this. I always avoid looking at the dog when he's offloading out of sheer respect to him and his business.

I think she luffs that I feed her and feels the need to check up on her employee when she appears to be clocking off duty unexpectedly

This thread makes me want to get a cat

Cats are horrid, I'd say lock it out but you know fine well if you do it'll do a giant turd on your pillow, and then vom in your favourite bag just to punish you further.
I have four of them, hate them all.

She is a very very sweet and affectionate little pain in the arse, I do admit.

Brillo she just goes and finds random things to knock over. I hear the random things fall. I never find them. This is a really small house. Unless she can open a portal to an alternate reality, I don't understand what it is she does with my stuff.

I’ll swap cats with you. Mine won’t step foot in the bathroom in case he gets a tiny splash or dripnof water on him!

Cats are arseholes. I swear one of mine waits until DD is napping and then meow/wails at the top of her little kitty voice!

Only feed her veggie food; the room will then smell of rotting turnip instead of pork.

My pleasure.

So far today I have picked up 2 dog poops and 2 piles of cat sick. One of which was in my shoe.
I also had to change DD's bed a few days ago because the cat was sick on it.
Despite this I love my pets.

Crying with mirth.

Ddog does indeed stare lovingly at me when he poos.
Also he really prefers it if I accompany him out to the garden to mind him while he poos.

If I refuse to go outside he barks like a loon until I go outside and collect the poo.

I have given him
Ishooos somewhere in his very pampered little life.

One of mine has taken to lying on the bathmat, presumably to protect me (but also to lick the bubbles that he can reach when he’s stood up) Another has shit on the floor-involuntarily-4 times today. It’s a good job the downstairs is tiled and I love him.

Did you also know that studies have shown that dogs dream about their owners?

Are we all just going to ignore the fact that OP just said her cat puts her toothbrush up her bum?

My dog tries to get in the bath with me too. He would go anywhere with me the daft twat.

My cat does this too!!! Every. Single. Time. She WAITS, legs crossed until I'm nice and settled in the bath and then comes and pushes something satanic out. Then spends about 20 mins flicking litter everywhere for a laugh.
She also meows at me, repeatedly and insistently throughout my entire bath. Locking her out just means she wedges her front legs through the gap under the door and shimmers them backwards and forwards.

This is assuming, of course, that I can actually run a bath as the fucker hides the plug most days.

Least none of your pets pooed in your favourite shoe when you were daft enough to go out and abandon them!

Mine sits outside the door alternating between horrified face and howling at me. He thinks I'm drowning and is frantic until I'm out when he shouts "ma-ma" happily at me. Bloody clingy cats

My kitten watches me in the bath and judges my wobbly bits.
I feel like saying ‘it’s been Christmas and NYE so I have overindulged but just STOP IT’

Ah see dogs love unconditionally

Squeaky knocks stuff off the desk too. When she wants attention she'll go and sit there and squeak, and if no-one comes along to shower her with affection and attention - whack - first thing off the edge. Squeak squeak. Whack. Second thing off the edge. Further squeaking. Whack - ad infinitum.

DH encourages her by picking her up and tickling her tummy.

One of our cats shat on our bed when we went on holiday one year. We had a family member pop in regularly to take care of them but obviously that wasn't good enough. It was a very early flight and all we wanted to do was get in bed and catch up on sleep...! As I said, cats are arseholes!

I assume you guys have seen this? True.