To keep away from them

[lonelyworld]

Hi everyone, this is probably not a first world problem but I would like some encouragement and success stories if possible. I am a lone parent from day one to a DS who is just starting school full . It hasn't been easy with no support and I have been looking forward to him going to school so I can do something meaningful with my life . I was excited to tell my friends how much I was looking forward to going to college and eventually to uni to retrain in a field I have always been passionate about. One proceeded to tell me I wouldn't be able to do it as I am a single parent and the other suggested I took my son to my mum who lives in another country to live with her because it would be impossible otherwise
Their comments made me very sad although I didn't expect them to help I was at least hoping for some encouragement .i know it will be hard but it's nice to have someone believe in you . Am I being unreasonable to keep away from them because since speaking to them I have started to doubt myself but I really want to make a life for myself.
Any of you have success stories. Please share and help lift my spirits up .
Thank you for reading

Plenty of parents study..I've met loads!! And sucessfully.... And their kids don't need to stay elsewhere!!

From A level stage up to doctorate level...

What are you considering studying??

When people are telling you that you can’t do it what they really mean is they couldn’t do it. You can totally retrain while your dc are at school. Don’t let anyone tell you different

@IamtheDevilsAvocado thank you for replying. I am considering studying in finance to a degree level at first .
@Booboobooboo84 thank you. It means a lot

Here's a success story for you, hopefully it gives you hope.

When my DS was 2yo, his dad walked out on us leaving me a single mother. I was left in thousands of pounds of debt, no assets apart from my inexpensive car, and I had to scrape together the deposit to rent a new house etc. I was already working full time, with high nursery fees and the debts to contend with, plus I received zero maintenance for 18 months from DS dad, and I had to find the money for the divorce etc. I was living off a credit card. I had no idea how I was going to dig myself out of the hole I was in.

It was hard, but I kept working, I worked hard, I found ways to be flexible. Sometimes I would take my laptop home so I could pick DS up from nursery and then I'd carry on working after he went to bed. I 100% made sure he had the stability and love he needed, including a roof over his head and food on the table.

I moved roles, I changed to a part of the company that would support my goal of becoming an accountant. I studied in the evenings, sometimes until 2am, most nights of the week. But I was always there for DS, even if I occasionally fell asleep at work! I spent 3 years working full time and training in the evenings, taking exams every few months and then I became a chartered accountant.

I kept working hard, I kept being there for DS, I kept taking my laptop home! I got myself a job earning £50k a year.

Now, I'm remarried to a lovely man, I've repaid my debts, DS is 7 and I'm due DS2 in May. We own our house, I've still got my little car, I'm very happy. DS is very happy.

You absolutely can do it, you can be a great mum and have a career. I'm behind you xx

Hi Lonelyworld

You absolutely can do it!! My story is almost identical to SleepySheepy. I was a lone parent from the day my daughter was born. I went to college from her being six months old to study and by the time she was three I was at University studying Law. All this while working part time, and sometimes full time, in a bank in a senior, stressful position!

Yes it was lots of juggling, late nights, exam stress and Mum guilt but when I graduated with that LLB I have never been more proud of myself.

I had many people assume I’d drop out, fail etc but with single, bloody minded determination you realise you can do anything you set your mind to! And what a wonderful future example to set your children.

Do it!!!

I've been a LP to ds since he was 1.
I've studied through OU.
Ds is disabled, his father isnt on the scene.

You CAN do this - and when you've completed it stick 2 fingers up to those who didn't believe you could.

I always think they don't believe you can because they themselves couldn't.

I have to add, since I've told my story, that after everything, last week DS's useless dad asked me for free accounting advice! You know, the same guy that left me in a terrible position because he didn't fancy family life any more.

I wish I had been more harsh, but I did politely tell him to jog on.

@SleepySheepy wow your story is incredible . Thank you for sharing it with me 
@user1497512303 thank you for sharing your story with me . I really appreciate it 
@youarenotkiddingme I am determined to do this . I know it will be hard. Thank you for believing in me

Yes, you bloody well can do it! There's nothing strange or weird or impossible about a single mum going to university and I'm sure you will do really well.

Just think about what you've already done, creating and raising an entire human being from scratch. University is going to be a piddle, you already have a handle on life!

@SleepySheepy that shows how much of a bigger person you are .
I am currently taking English and maths at college and starting an access course in September. I hope my story can also encourage someone one day . Thank you everyone 😊😊😊

MIL did her MA whilst working FT as a teacher when a single parent. DH and BIL were about 10 and 12 at the time, so they were more independent but she still had to get up at 5am to fit her studying in.

@Idontdowindows that made me shed a tear thank you so much . I can do this

@lonelyworld my "friend" said very similar to me. I am now traning and I am doing it, it's more than possible and she only motivated me to be honest.
I kept her at arms length since as she clearly does not want me to do well.

She then turned around a few months later and said she wants to 'retrain to a whole different career

@Nettynetnet I am thinking of keeping them both at arms length. I hope your training is going well . Thank you for sharing your story 😊
@Minniemountain thank you 😊

You should read the blog (and book!)called My Shitty Twenties. It's written by a single mum who went on to be successfully published after writing this fab and funny blog, it's lovely.

@sleepy - THATS AMAZING! You should be really proud. What a fantastic example you have set for your DS.

OP - you can do this!

You can absolutely do this. I went to university when my DD was 2. Colleges usually have good subsidised nurseries. My younger uni friends loved my DD and we are still good friends now.
Please keep us up to date on how you are doing and also any time you start doubting yourself or need support.

A good friend was a single parent from the beginning but she managed to retrain in a different field, doing degree modules then a specific training course.

Go for it! Don't listen to the naysayers.

Can't add a story but wish you every success.

My teenage DD has a quotes on her wall...
"Believe in what you want so much that it has no choice but to materialise"
"I can and I will. Watch me."
"If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great"

You absolutely can do this.

Another parent that studies here!

I started when I was working between 40 and 50 hours a week in a managerial role and then fell pregnant, carried on through the pregnancy and until she was 3 years old when I finished and graduated with a 2:1 with honours. I’m not a lone parent but my DH worked long shifts away from home so I was at home with DD alone for around 80% of the time and went back to work before she was a year old.

So many people told me I’d never do it. One nasty relative laughed in my face when I told him ‘what I did’ and outright told me I’d fail and my MIL was forever dropping hints that I should give it up because she saw it as a silly hobby that took time away from being a mother and chained to the kitchen sink Of course now she ‘knew I could do it’

Now DDs at school and I’m about to have another child, I’m starting to look into masters and PhD options.

There’s no way you shouldn’t be able to do it. It’s hard work, I have no idea how I did it, I just managed because I had to and I’m sure it’s be the same for you. People get jealous of ambition because they have no imagination to have any of their own. I’d bet that’s why they’re being so negative.

Thank you @April229 I really appreciate the kind words. It's been hard, but you know ds does appreciate it. He even mentioned tonight about how he knows we never have to leave our house unless we choose. Something that I guess is on his mind as his dad has been kicked out of his rented house recently.
He's never suffered, and whilst I sometimes worry about working full time and not being as available, he knows I'm always here for him and I come running if I have to. He can't wait to be a big brother either x

You definitely can do it OP. Like another poster said, when people tell you you can't do it, they actually mean they can't do it. Don't listen to them.
My friend has 4 DC and she went back to Uni and did her PhD when her youngest went to school. It was hard work but she did it and she couldn't be happier now.
I did my masters degree while my DC were very young and DH was away working in another country (I have no family near me).
It's possible to do it and it feels great to follow your dream.

OP you can do this and you will! This thread has been so inspirational and has come at the right time for me too!

I'm a single mum currently studying for an MA after 10+ years out of uni, I work full time and have a toddler. My only friend distanced herself from me when I started and kept putting me down. I agree with others here, just distance yourself from the negative people and go for it!

Tonight I was sitting thinking about quitting because I've had that awful flu which has set everything uni related back for me massively, still recovering and felt a bit of a failure. But reading everyone's stories and your own ambitions has given me a little bit of heart again!

I honestly believe that single mums are some of the strongest people out there, never doubt yourself. You can do this! Good luck OP and thank you to you and everyone else on this thread.

Crack on lass! You know it won't be easy, but determination and drive will get you through.

I can't believe I could get this amount of support. From the bottom of my heart thank you. I am actually very excited not to get going and I can't wait 
@expatmigrant I will keep everyone posted how I get on .

I am truly overwhelmed and at least I know where I stand with them now and don't need them. Upwards and onwards 💪🏻 .