To not stay for the child

[Howdidigethere101]

Just that really. I am young, think early 20s. Yet have a young child who I had young. She is of an age where she would understand her daddy was missing or not living with us...

But I can't lie to myself anymore, my relationship with her father makes me feel so trapped.

I met him when I was 15. And as I fell pregnant young, we stayed together and got married eventually.

He is kind. He is lovely. He is in love with me completely, but I don't feel the same way.

I have ambition and want to grow. I work a lot, and study for my future. He has been working 18 hours a week, never more. He has me and DD, but no friends, social life or determination to do anything.

We don't click. There's no spark. He barely converses and I'm a chatty person. I find it so hard being alone with him as there's nothing to discuss! I'm also not sexually attracted to him

I've now met someone who I really like.
I'd never cheat, and have done nothing with this other man who is a great friend.

However having another male figure in my life (no father) has made me realise my relationship is not normal. Yes H is kind and loves me terribly, but we don't talk, we don't do things! And we are only early 20s

So basically I want to leave H. Not for the other man, I'd leave anyway.

But my friend and family think I would be unreasonable to leave DH when there is nothing major wrong and we have a child

OP i was you exactly. All of it exactly.

The reason i went through with the wedding was fear. Fear of cancelling everything and annoying everyone. I thought love would grow. I tried to keep myself occupied and ignore my inner voice telling me it was a mistake. I tried to get the marriage to work. I kept at it for 15 bloody years.

Don't stay where you'e unhappy. You don't have to be abused to leave a marriage. Although i have to say threatening to kill yourself if someone leaves is abusive.

My DD1s BF did it to her. He said he'd kill himself if he left. I said come home. She left him 2 days later and came home. That was a year ago - he's fine.

I'm quite a traditionalist though and know 100% I would never leave my DH under any circumstances.

More fool you.
Maybe yes, but I wouldn't have married my DH "because it was the right thing to do", or because friends/family encouraged it (believe me they didn't).

I've left a relationship fearing for the future of my ex-he swore it would break him and he would never be in a relationship again. He married within three months, and has since divorced, immediately moved in with his present wife and had another child. I knew a couple married 25 years, she wanted out,he was furious with her and threatened all sorts.....then married someone he was in a relationship with before the divorce was final. I've known lots of women who have left men who swore they could not go on without them. They ALL sorted themselves out very quickly with another woman. None of them killed themselves. They were all just fine, usually quicker than the woman they couldn't live without.

Life is too short to spend it in a broken relationship. If you don't love him be honest, and be fair with parenting your child as far as possible. Sometimes it's the prospect of hostile shared parenting that's the scariest thing in a break up. if he ever threatens suicide send an ambulance, if he is serious they will gather him help. If he isn't, he won't threaten again.

many of us make stupid decisions at 18. Unfortunately the OP's one was a very big one. If her family had been worth anything they would not have cajoled her into marriage.

You are wasting each other's time. End the marriage and be alone for a while. Sad, but your husband also should not want to stay in a marriage where his wife no longer loves him. Time to grow up.

specialsubject exactly. My X is happy with someone else now and so am i. What was the point in us drugging on until death!? Pull off the plaster OP.