To think the novelty of motherhood can wear off

[Winosaurus]

This is lighthearted before anyone takes it too seriously

So before kids I was desperate for them, thought I’d be like Maria Von Trapp and love every second.
Kids are now 7 & 3 and I’ve had enough of playdoh, CBeebies, being used as a human climbing frame.
Yesterday I hid in my en suite bathroom pretending to the kids I was having a poo because I was secretly eating a mars bar a didn’t want to share with them
Currently dreaming of being 20-something and on a beach sipping cocktails

Also I’ve heard the word “snack” for the 5678th time this morning already and it’s only 9am

YANBU.

I feel like a bloody hamster on a wheel. battle to get him dressed fed and generally live on a a daily basis.

Will happily sell for a few bottles of wine

Just remember the celebs have nannies or family minding the kids when they go off to work - people to ferry them around and make them look wonderful, prepare them food and pay them mega bucks to tell us all how to look like they do. i am sure they dont have it easy all the time - just some of the time! Not a comparison for 99 percent of the rest of the population with children.

I found going away with a girlfriend for a night or two kept me sane when they were younger

Cheap EasyJet flights etc

Oh the joy of just sitting in a cafe doing fuck all

No rushing, no worry, no thinking about anyone else

Still do it now. Doing three nights this year!

cjt if you find someone to buy your DC can you ask them if they want a BOGOF offer 😬😬

7pm when the bedtime song comes on CBeebies is some days my favourite sound

mustbemad17 Yessir! Mines 3. Are they a compatible age?

I thought teaching DS how to tell the time (rudimentary at this stage) would be a good thing. "DS, when the big hand gets to the top, it's bedtime" Little git now retorts to me that it's not at the top yet so it's not bedtime.... Little does he know I can change the position of the big hand quicker than he can blink!

DH wants a third DC. My arguments for saying no are mainly (my) health based which he accepts. But actually a huge part of it is:

• I don't want to wean another baby
• I don't want to potty train again
• I don't want to read all the baby books again and again and again
• I don't want to struggle to get another baby to nap / sleep at night
• Currently helping DC1 with homework - it's a pain but I can do it once. I'll accept doing it twice. But no way with a 3rd child
• I don't want to stand through the yearly dance performances done by school for another 3 years. By the time DC2 finishes I'll have done 6 years in a row. I do not want to do 9!

N2986 that fucking dinosaur pooping everything!!! I thought those books were cute, now I want to head-butt the wall whenever I’m asked to read —recite— them.

Also, thanks to the bloody Disney corporation my English children speak in ridiculous high-pitched faux American accents whenever they’re playing

I was going to learn how to make gourmet macarons in all this time I would have for maternity. How I look back and laugh.

cjt mine's 5 but she is very motherly...could work in the buyer's favour 😂😂

The book i want to burn is Bear on a Bike. Every. Damn. Night. For nearly two years. I am a big animal lover but i got to the stage where i wanted someone in the background to shoot the damn thing 😱

Atlantic I hear you sister!
I’m not one of those mums who gets all teary and dance shows or school plays either, so I just end up feeling bad that I want to go home. The kids are cheered and told they’re wonderful but this christmas play my 7yo needed to be dropped off an hour early, play was at 6.30pm... mummy popped into pub across the road and downed a quick glass of Pinot. Luckily I did because it went on for an hour and a fucking half.
7yo’s lines were in the first 10 mins so I had to sit there uninterested for 80 mins watching other people’s crotch droppings singing like strangled cats.

This has been nice to read! I have no DC and feel so much pressure to have them from friends and family and I simply don't want them which no one ever believes! High five to the toilet Mars bar!

YANBU I have 2 DDs, 4 and 18 months. We are currently watching the cbeebies snow queen for the millionth time. The eldest has been asking for smarties for the last hour (we have none, I ate them last night) and the youngest is climbing all over me wiping her snotty nose all over my top.
The house is a mess, I am a mess. I am surrounded by plastic tat and half eaten biscuits.
I love them to pieces but wish they would just bugger off for a bit sometimes! Am a SAHP and it's relentless. Roll on Monday when nursery opens again for the oldest!

Yeah, I'm done. 4 yo and 7 mo old. I've been a SAHP until now. That will be changing this year

I wasn't going to have any kids. Hated kids. I wasn't going to get married. Me and my best mate out and about as teens - she'd be cooing into strange women's prams, not me, i'd be cooing at the dog on the lead tied to it.

2 marriages, 4 DCs and 8 years working in a primary school later - i wonder what happened

@Laiste brilliant! I feel like that now... wonder what will happen!

I was on my knees in the loo of the Drs yesterday with my hand between the midget me's legs holding a sample pot whilst peering at her front bottom intently and saying "oh for goodness sake just wee won't you" when it dawned on me this wasn't what I expected parenthood to be like!

SAHPs deserve a medal of honour, like an official reward from the country for doing a job many couldn’t!
My friend is a SAHM and recently saw my son’s nursery bill and made a comment about how expensive it is. My reply was “You’re worth double what I pay those saints because you have yours 24/7!”

Ok now 3yo DS is rubbing his willy on the furniture
Why are kids so weird?

I have just had my first morning of trying to wrangle a toddler solo, with a new born in tow. There would be a wholesome breakfast, outside activities and definitely no TV.

Started off really well. Got breakfast done and cleared up. Managed to have a poo. Then tried to dress the toddler in the brief window when new born was settled.

No way she was getting dressed. She then threw the TV remote at my head, which means immediate time out in her room. I put her up there for the 2 minutes time out.

Got downstairs and remembered she didn't have a nappy on. Got back up there. She had pooed all over her prized toy dinosaurs and was playing with it.

Meanwhile baby starts crying, so trying to deal with crying baby, crazy shit covered toddler and poopy room.

TV is on, toddler still not dressed, I am halfway through a packet of caramel digestives. Fuck leaving the house. I have a PhD you know.

@Winosaurus I am a SAHM. I am dreading DP going back to work. But at same time I am dreading my school aged children going back to school. I moan about them but I miss them so much. Some people say to homeschool them...I don't miss them that much

I was sipping cocktails on a beach on Christmas Day. I then took a pregnancy test and bam.

Now I’m scared!!!!!

DD is 10. I'd managed to forget most of this stuff...
We're even getting to the point of letting go the humongous toys such as dolls houses and playmobil. House is beginning to look tidier. DD is into drawing, writing and gaming which take up relatively little space.
Reading the same story every day for what feels like months takes very deep wells of patience!

Atlantic - another one here! DP gets all dewy eyed and talks about how he'd like a 3rd. But he's just buggered off to work, and I've given up trying to do mine (nanny on holiday, I freelance so I can do this, because he would never take a week off to look after the kids unless forced), and instead am sitting here on mn, answering the continuous snack demands, and stepping in when the normal harmonious playing turns to yelps.

I wish pretending I was having a poo worked, but they seem to detect it, and follow me to have a chat (despite demanding total privacy for their own)

It comes to something when you consider going to the supermarket alone on Saturday morning to be a break.

I'm just so fucking tired. Unbelievably tired. I have all these plans to do homely interesting things with my toddler, but most days we watch a lot of tv. When will I stop feeling so tired?