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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re: contact and sickness

25 replies

MardyMarie · 04/01/2018 21:41

DC, let's call her Alice, lives with her mum and 3 siblings. One of these siblings is a tiny baby who has recently been released from hospital after a serious case of bronchiolitis where he had IV antibiotics, a feeding tube and was on oxygen.

Alice's dad lives with his two DC and Alice stays EOW. Alice's dad mentioned on the phone tonight that Alice's siblings there have D&V in the context that they've been sick everywhere as they're young and can't get to the toilet or bowl. Alice is due to go there for contact tomorrow.

Alice's mum has asked her dad to swap weekends to avoid Alice catching it and passing it on to baby DS whose immune system is already very weak. He has refused. Would it be unreasonable to withhold contact in this instance?

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 04/01/2018 21:43

Is the contact court ordered? If so then get advice from lawyer.
If not then I'd withhold contact to avoid even the older girl getting ill let alone the tiny baby.

Colouringoutsidethelines · 04/01/2018 21:45

Of course it would be reasonable. I think it might be wise to put something in writing outlining the reasons and alternative contact arrangements in case the father takes the mother to court.

kaytee87 · 04/01/2018 21:45

Could offer Dad an extra weekend to make up for it.

tabbywabby · 04/01/2018 21:51

Poor Alice. Has the dad made compromise suggestions how to minimise the risk of her catching it? How old is she?

Original poster

MardyMarie · 04/01/2018 22:02

No it isn't court ordered. Dad always insists on having Alice even if someone at his house is ill but refuses to have Alice is she or someone at her house is all.

OP posts:

coconutpie · 04/01/2018 22:05

I take it you're Alice's mum. YANBU. Alice's Dad is being a very irresponsible parent if he wants to unnecessarily expose his DD to a vomiting bug - what kind of a shit father is he to want that? Don't send Alice. It would be madness to do so.

Jassmells · 04/01/2018 22:06

Not unreasonable at all. The last thing the mum needs is D&V sweeping through the house. The dad sounds a nob. If he is that bothered he can take Alice somewhere neutral away from the house.

Original poster

MardyMarie · 04/01/2018 22:07

His argument is that she wouldn't miss school on the basis if a classmate being sick, so no need to miss contact because her siblings sick

OP posts:

Jassmells · 04/01/2018 22:09

@MardyMarie but you can't avoid it at school whereas you can avoid it if you know about it. What a cockwomble.

Original poster

MardyMarie · 04/01/2018 22:10

FWIW Alice's mum is also a lone parent and so dealing with D&V throughout the house as well as a new baby who may or not be unwell by then would be very difficult. She has no support and really struggled to find someone to have the other DC when baby was admitted to hospital so doesn't want to end up back there.

OP posts:

GrooovyLass · 04/01/2018 22:14

Classmate would (hopefully) be kept off school though so she wouldn't be in contact. No, she shouldn't be going. Not even without the newborn in the house. Who are you in this scenario op?

Original poster

MardyMarie · 04/01/2018 22:43

He wants her to go particularly as they have panto tickets which he's still intending on taking his sick kids to

OP posts:

GrooovyLass · 04/01/2018 23:02

Is there something wrong with him? Poor kids, nobody wants to go to the theatre if they're poorly with d&v...

PodencoPie · 04/01/2018 23:07

Definitely would not send Alice to a house with D&V. When there is a tiny baba back with her mum who is poorly. No way.

user9217 · 04/01/2018 23:13

Ok, so Alice is due to go for contact tomorrow to a home where child(ren) are suffering from D&V? If that's correct then YADNBU

Unnecessary germ spreading risks. Different circumstances I know, but I've put off contact with ExH for DS due to illness, cause the way I see it, when kids are poorly they want their Mum (usually, or main career otherwise) and I just think I've already been in contact with DS so there's no point in letting him spread his germs to those who haven't. I think of it as a public service I do always offer an alternative - it's up to ExH then if he takes it or not

RainbowWish · 04/01/2018 23:20

That big is highly contagious.
It spreads through children as they are not As regimented as us about hand washing etc when they are sick.
The likelihood is Alice would catch it and dread spread it to baby indeed.
You/ mum has gave an alternative and he said no.
Only dad is being unreasonable.
And that panto trip will be a disaster if the kids start vomiting or pooping. What is he thinking

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/01/2018 00:01

Dad is being an idiot.

LegallyBrunet · 05/01/2018 00:35

Could you not say no and offer him contact next weekend instead as a compromise?

DameGlitterSparkles · 05/01/2018 00:43

Tell him to fuck right off. Pathetic selfish bastard

huha · 05/01/2018 01:01

Nope. Tell Dad sorry, another time.

FireCracker2 · 05/01/2018 04:29

I Think by tomorrow evening 24 hours will have elapsed and it will be OK.could dad pick her up Saturday mrnoning to be on sale side.

Weezol · 05/01/2018 04:40

Alice is not covered by a court order. Alice's mum should not let her go, she is under no obligation whatsoever.

Alice's mum is a Good Parent. Alice's Dad is not. Alice's Dad is being a Tool.

I like Alice's Mum. I think Alice's Dad might be a wee wee head.

Alice's 'Dad' should fuck off. And when he gets there he can fuck off a bit further.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 05/01/2018 05:51

she wouldn't miss school on the basis of a classmate being sick

Sick children aren't meant to be in school though, so unless hes suggesting sending his other kids somewhere else for the entire time Alice is there that argument doesn't work does it?

I would put it in writing, explaining why no and offering an alternative date and screen shot just in case but while fighting for custody DS' dad mentioned that I had withheld contact due to dad's other child having norovirus and the judge said 'yes well I think we can agree that instance was in DS' best interests, don't you?'

Lime19 · 05/01/2018 06:12

I would say that Alice has come down with a terrible bug and is puking every 5 minutes not to mention "the other end too". See how he likes his plan then...

Itchytights · 05/01/2018 06:16

What a thick, selfish bastard he is.

No way would I be sending Alice.

Do not send under any circumstances.

My mind boggles at times with other people’s (his) stupidity.

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