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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make someone who wants a lift abide to our time

25 replies

gerbilgirl · 04/01/2018 19:45

Every year we have a theatre outing which several family members go to. Over the years we have taken sil and as time has gone on, her eldest. She now has two DC.

More recently mil and partner have taken two cars in order to pick them up. This year we have been asked.

Whilst we don't mind as such, although one booster seat and two others will be a squeeze in the back of our car, we want to do some shopping before the matinee so want to leave in good time (1 hour journey, so leave at 9 ish). There at 10, 2 ish hours shopping, lunch all together then the show.

Have been told by mil that sil won't like that and will want to leave later!

So AIBU to tell her to leave when we want to in the morning or if she doesn't want to DRIVE HERSELF!!!!! (She is able to do this, but has not done so once in the past 15 years)

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 04/01/2018 19:46

YANBU

KayaG · 04/01/2018 19:47

YANBU. Tell her the pick up time - if it doesn't suit she can make other arrangements.

therealreason · 04/01/2018 19:49

YA definitely NBU!

Sirzy · 04/01/2018 19:51

If SIL doesn’t like it then tell her you will see her at the theatre

wednesdayswench · 04/01/2018 19:52

YANBU

'Dear SIL, you are welcome to get a lift with us, we will pick you up at 9am, see you on Saturday x'

No discussion, no explanation, no apologies.

Glumglowworm · 04/01/2018 19:52

YANBU

She can always make her own way there if she’s not happy with doing it your way.

I’m a non-driver, I mostly use public transport but if a friend is kind enough to give me a lift I fit in with their plans or politely decline and make my own arrangements

PavlovianLunge · 04/01/2018 19:53

Your car, your schedule. If she doesn’t like it, she can make alternative arrangements.

cathyclown · 04/01/2018 19:54

You have "been told" by MIL that sil won't like it.

Why don't you say it to SIL yourself and find out! If she kicks off just say that's the time we are going, are you coming with us?

YANBU

Appuskidu · 04/01/2018 19:57

*Have been told by mil that sil won't like that and will want to leave later!

WTF?!

That would be like red rag to a bull to me-why the fuck should you pander to her?! Why is so such a special snowflake she gets a chauffeur whenever and wherever she wants?!

I’d say that you can’t give her a lift at all as you’re going really early-she can put that in her pipe and smoke it!

KendalMintCakey · 04/01/2018 19:57

She seems lazy - why isn't she transporting herself and her 2 children - has she any physical impairments or just ethical ones?

Cheekyandfreaky · 04/01/2018 19:58

I would pre-empt anybody trying to change your plans by texting SIL now. Something like ‘Hi SIL, hope you’re well. On the day of the theatre trip it’s best if you drive yourself as we have plans in the morning. Look forward to seeing you there x’. Don’t complain, don’t explain.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 04/01/2018 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/01/2018 20:01

SIL hasn't said anything yet has she though? MIL got her big stirring spoon out, that's all that's actually happened so far.

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/01/2018 20:11

What RunRabbit said.

Appuskidu · 04/01/2018 20:12

Why can’t your mother in law take her if she’s so bothered about keeping SIL Happy?

Original poster
gerbilgirl · 04/01/2018 20:13

Thanks for the confirmation :)

No doubt mil and sil have discussed between them but sil thinks dh can be talked around by their dm (luckily he is fed up with playing chauffeur so won't be budged).

OP posts:
FluffyWuffy100 · 04/01/2018 20:14

This is a like it or lump it situation!

“Of course we can give you a lift, we are leaving at x o’clock because we have some shopping planned. If you don’t want to leave that early of course you can make your own way there.”

Pearlsaringer · 04/01/2018 20:14

Agree with RunRabbit, all hearsay at this point. But best give her the heads up early so she can make other arrangements. Subtext of this is that MIL and partner are a bit browned off with providing a taxi service and are looking to shift the load on to you.

Appuskidu · 04/01/2018 20:14

Can you explain why

  1. Your SIL isn’t driving herself
  2. Your mil isn’t driving her if she cares so much
  3. Why you are the choice of chauffeur

I don’t understand how situations like this come about?

Viviennemary · 04/01/2018 20:18

I'd tell them to find their own transport. CF medal here I think.

chocolateworshipper · 04/01/2018 20:20

'Dear SIL, you are welcome to get a lift with us, we will pick you up at 9am, see you on Saturday x'

^ This

UterusUterusGhali · 04/01/2018 20:26

YADNBU

frasier · 04/01/2018 20:27

I dislike this kind of triangulation... MIL says she says etc. Why were the arrangements going through MIL anyway? It always causes trouble if someone is the gatekeeper. It could be MIL making it up because she doesn't want to leave until later and is blaming SIL. It could be SIL has a valid reason (drs appt or whatever) and MIL has missed that bit out. The driver needs to speak directly to SIL and see what the issue is. If SIL is still being a pain, then she loses her lift.

MoKnickers · 04/01/2018 20:29

Cheeky cah!

Tistheseason17 · 04/01/2018 21:00

What @Frasier says. MILs can be tricky little monsters sometimes trying to get what they want!

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